cutiegroove

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26 years-old
Tuesday 31 August 1999
single

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Cutiegroove's favorite FMLs

You what now?

By tryena - 28/02/2009 10:59 - United States

Today, I babysat a five year-old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

agreeclassic 20 315

vote type 1 93 026

By MiceMiles - 10/12/2015 12:34 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that miles are the same distance for everything. He thought that human miles were different than mouse miles, because they're smaller. He's 34. FML

agreeclassic 23 975

vote type 1 2 478

By Anonymous - 10/12/2015 08:19 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, a colleague told me he was pretending to be me on a dating site, and that he has four pending dates. Last time I tried being myself, my first and only date pushed me down some stairs. FML

agreeclassic 22 946

vote type 1 1 704

By Macysdayparade8 - 09/12/2015 04:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss of six months asked me what country I'm from. I'm white and from the southern United States. I'm so quiet, he didn't think I spoke English. FML

agreeclassic 22 514

vote type 1 3 458

Macysdayparade8 app_comment_confession_title

Macysdayparade8 8

Wednesday 9 December 2015 23:23

Op here. I was just trying to say that there are no obvious signs that I'm not from Georgia/from another country, where most people speak English.

By Anonymous - 04/12/2015 20:36 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML

agreeclassic 28 128

vote type 1 2 944