Today, I was making out like a sixteen year old at the high school prom with this guy I kinda liked. All of a sudden, he rolls away and tells me he's "finished." We both had our clothes on the entire time. He is 23, I'm 25. I didn't know that was possible. FML

by virginmary / 03/02/2010 at 7:38am / Reserved / Intimacy

Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML

by Lin / 03/02/2010 at 12:57am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML

by Lovejunkie / 03/01/2010 at 2:30am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, after ten minutes of squishing my boobs together for my boyfriend, trying to get him to stare, he glanced at them then blankly said "I've seen better tits on my mom, so baby just stop that" and smiled. FML

by oboy / 03/01/2010 at 12:13am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I saw boobs, in person, for the first time. Too bad they were my mom's and I'm 27. FML

by sad / 02/26/2010 at 2:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

by hannah12345 / 02/26/2010 at 12:54pm / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML

by Ineedit / 02/26/2010 at 12:46pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I bought Plan B for the first time. Not because I had unprotected sex, but to make the cashier think someone would actually sleep with me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/26/2010 at 6:11am / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy

Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time.Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML

by humiliated / 02/26/2010 at 5:21am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that I get more turned on by my exercise bike than my boyfriend of 4 years. FML

by Katrina641 / 02/25/2010 at 11:20pm / Intimacy

Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year old boyfriend having sex. FML

by ryan and Zack / 02/25/2010 at 5:30pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I was bored at work looking at a sex offender list of my area. After a couple pages, I saw my uncle. FML

by grossuncle / 02/25/2010 at 12:44pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

by Username / 02/24/2010 at 10:06am / Intimacy