Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's in a back room that wasn’t connected to the main house. I really had to pee, but neither of us wanted to go into the house, so he told me to just go outside in a cup. I ended up having diarrhea in a cup in my boyfriend's backyard. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I wanted to kayak. On the way, I told him I had to go back to our hotel because I needed the bathroom and didn't want a public one to smell. Once back in the elevator at the hotel, it got stuck. For an hour. I pooped myself and had to wait 40 minutes after that for help. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
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Top comments
audreyfml1994 15
He probably would've stopped his shower for a minute so you could use the toilet. I know it may be embarrassing, especially with him being a new bf and all, but seriously? ******** in a bag?
iLike2Teabag 27
It's not that nasty. Everyone knows that when girls poop, glitter and pink fairy dust and a rainbow comes out. Right..?
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Comments (217)
singer0421 32
Oh that's so nasty! Why didn't you just go outside and find a nice bush that will hide you?
iLike2Teabag 27
It's not that nasty. Everyone knows that when girls poop, glitter and pink fairy dust and a rainbow comes out. Right..?
myoukei 31
What if she's in a city? The bush thing is even more nasty tho
rocker_chick105 31
Where I live, it's way too damn cold to shit outside.
184886837272837 32
If you have to shit you have to shit... that's pretty much all there is to it. And using snow to wipe your ass is painful so it had to be done inside.
JBChristian 47
Is this knowledge from experience #70?
stawberi12 17
#100 it's probably common sense....
WhitneyShehan 10
Yeah, your relationship is going to last... *Cue pure sarcasm.*
jdizz16 16
Is that where party bags come from, #16??
IloveToLaugh143 21
Sorry to break it to you, but not everyone ***** like a wild animal.
AKGirlinSD 20
70, thank you! I grew up in Alaska and it hurts like hell, to go to the bathroom outside, pee or poop. OP, there has to be something close by that you could use next time. I suggest doing your research, before going over there next time.
ajh557 22
#167 you know their is a proper way to do it haha, take little chunks on snow and let them melt in your hand then use them to rinse your butt rather than wipe.
Brighton_Cruz 20
You got experience eh?
tulha 12
It's okay OP. Shit happens.
TheBadAndGnarly 19
Really? Does anyone learn that this comment is no longer acceptable.
mkcontrollers 11
They never will
iluvFMLs15 19
#30 - I still find them really funny. lighten up.
JocelynKaulitz 28
Negative comment thread. ^^ My turn!
kieralumina 30
It's basically an FML tradition. One brave soul must make a shitty situation joke and bear the weight of thumb-downs. They might get a lot of crap for it, but it is a sort of comfort knowing that you can always trust them to be somewhere in the comments section.
KittenSandwich 9
Well this feed is going nowhere. I expect down votes to continue.
TheLittleBear 19
@59 at this point I take it as the only fixed certainty in a very uncertain world.
nick3600 22
eat shit
HeyTherexxx 21
I couldnt have said it better myself, #2.
audreyfml1994 15
He probably would've stopped his shower for a minute so you could use the toilet. I know it may be embarrassing, especially with him being a new bf and all, but seriously? ******** in a bag?
colton_colton 50
I agree. He would have understood something like that. You hit an all new level of desperation OP
iluvFMLs15 19
is anybody else wondering what happened to the bag? most guys take quick showers so where would you put the bag afterwards? like I don't know is it weird that I'm wondering that?
mattrd_fml 31
What did op wipe herself with? paper towels or napkins?
sporkadork 7
Nope, I'm wondering the same thing. How the hell do you dispose of a bag of crap in someone else's house? Did she carry it around in her purse? Bury it in a flower pot?
scooterdude720 19
I think it would be more embarrassing if he found out that you pooped in a bag than going poop while he was in the shower. If I was taking a shower, I wouldn't care.
SokDek 14
Most apartment complexes have a community facility or clubhouse with a bathroom... Much better than a plastic bag.
SokDek 14
Oops I read it wrong, but still, how does one look at a bag and think gee I should poop in here... At least take it outside! Fertalize the grass or something and blame it on the neighbors dog.
robj118 10
I want to know #1- what did OP do with the bag? #2- what did OP wipe with? #3- what did OP do to cover up the smell? #4- what room did OP do her business in?
aire101 16
The only thing i can think of as a way to dispose of the bag is to throw it away and then take out his trash for him.
513cletus 11
Was the bag paper or plastic?
Freethaawave 19
Im so confused... OP could have easily just told her bf keep the curtain closed, say I have to use the toilet, and the second the doodoo comes out flush, so its not stinky! I thought everyone knew this.
MidnightRain33 7
#160 Doodoo...really?
xadoringx 29
Really? A bag :/ ... Really?
Redoxx_fml 22
Just like Borat!
naxeeb 33
Couldn't you have gone to a nearby shop or Cafe? :/ Why a bag?!
yscpunkchick 14
not everyone lives that close to a store either.
ksks1234 33
I was wondering the same thing. It is not like there isn't a gas station or a McDonalds on every corner. She could have came back with a coffee or some food or something to have an excuse for her absence. OP-- I think defecating in a bag is worse than letting your boyfriend know you have to use the restroom.
Mauskau 36
Maybe she didn't want to get locked out or make him think she ran off on him? Plus if you're really desperate, you may struggle to walk.
saxybandgeek 14
My house is a 15 minute drive to the nearest store. Not everyone lives in the city.
ksks1234 33
132-- house is the key word. My parents' house is 10 minute drive to the nearest public location. However, I have never seen any apartments in the middle of nowhere. People usually move to the country to get away from neighbors, apartments are full of neighbors.
telli164 30
Hahahahahaha! Oh my lorddddd. What did you do with the bag though?
VampOfSavannah 31
Flung it out of a window? Lol
Schizomaniac 24
Took a shit in it.
VampOfSavannah 31
14, you catch on quick.
Morqan_Freeman 14
Depending on her type of shit, how long of a shit and how big of a bag, it could have looked like anything from a bag of charcoal to dog food or even compost for farming. Whatever it may have looked like, I am sure that smell would leave no doubt in anyones mind. I truly hope she threw it in a garbage container far, far away.
sicksadworld1317 30
@54- Reading your comment in Morgan Freeman's voice somehow makes it sound daintier, and makes me want to vomit somewhat less :)
Morqan_Freeman 14
@85 I am glad I brought a smile on your face. :)
worthlessACfan 11
better than doing it in your pants haha
LennyComa 39
Hey, when you gotta go you gotta go. These things happen...I'd rather it be in a bag than on my floor personally.
bigNaKeD 9
Could have used it as an opportunity to get past the "******** around the other person" I'm sure if you'd have gone and then jumped in the shower with him he wouldn't have minded.
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
I won't even go around my girlfriend of 4 years. ******** time is private time.
ChristianH39 30
Alright, idk about you #9 but sexy time in the shower after my gf blew up the toilet does not appeal to me
lil_ham1644 29
My boyfriend & I have been together for 3 years & it was awkward last week when he had to pee while I was brushing my teeth!
N00bie666 3
I fully agree with #25 a guys got a shit alone.
happyturtle 16
FYL, but this made my day. AHAHAHAHAH