Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's in a back room that wasn’t connected to the main house. I really had to pee, but neither of us wanted to go into the house, so he told me to just go outside in a cup. I ended up having diarrhea in a cup in my boyfriend's backyard. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I wanted to kayak. On the way, I told him I had to go back to our hotel because I needed the bathroom and didn't want a public one to smell. Once back in the elevator at the hotel, it got stuck. For an hour. I pooped myself and had to wait 40 minutes after that for help. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
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Top comments
audreyfml1994 15
He probably would've stopped his shower for a minute so you could use the toilet. I know it may be embarrassing, especially with him being a new bf and all, but seriously? ******** in a bag?
iLike2Teabag 27
It's not that nasty. Everyone knows that when girls poop, glitter and pink fairy dust and a rainbow comes out. Right..?
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Comments (217)
icepick23 12
Unless your new boyfriend is ridiculously ignorant & immature, I'm pretty sure he knows you take dumps. Geez!!!!
worldclassrager 41
He's your boyfriend....couldn't you use the bathroom even though he was taking a shower?
trulypar 34
New boyfriend or not, I would have told him I really had to go and he had two choices...pause the shower or I'm coming in to use the bathroom 'cause nature is calling. And my blaring question...what did you wipe with?!? Gross!!!
greatfirstdate 18
The ones who are saying that it's find because guys know girls shit, that's not the point. He was her NEW boyfriend, which means that it was too early for it to be appropriate for her to use the toilet in the same room as him.
AnonymousBoyee 6
He's your boyfriend he would have let you in
frenchiegirl1 6
Doesn't your building have a bathroom in the lobby or a nearby coffee shop or gas station outside? I can't imagine being in that situation, that's so incredibly awkward. Next time tell him that you need to throw up ;) instead so he gets out of the bathroom in time.
Bloobloke 12
I had to do something similar once, so I feel your pain, OP. Laugh about it and move on. If you guys last it'll make a really gross and hilarious story one day. One very far away day...
Ben009 13
What if he came out while you were ******** in the bag??? Awkward
creepyclowntown 10
he probably would have preferred you use the toilet if he ever finds out.you could have gone to a store and tell him you are buying a soda or something
Justincolon22 15
Lol, you should have