Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, I saw my roommate walk out of his room into the kitchen with a used condom in his hand, and plop it into the garbage disposal. "I don't really trust this girl" is all he said before he opened his door and walked back into his room. FML
Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML
Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML
Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML
Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML
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Top comments
hawright 13
I guess you didn't see that one coming... I'm sorry, I had to.
yupitssoph 18
Lovely roommate you have there. Go over to him, drop it back onto his face, and say: "I believe this is yours."
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Comments (140)
gunmania0 12
LAD
hawright 13
I guess you didn't see that one coming... I'm sorry, I had to.
gc327072 31
cumming*
NothernNightmare 18
13, no need for the correction. The pun was implied.
gc327072 31
Yea... Lame comment day for me. Bleh
sens3sfailing 25
I guess his girlfriend came over this time instead of him going over to her house and having sex on her sisters bed.
unknown_user5566 27
46- There was so much potential in that previous FML reference... I think it was just too long-winded. A for effort! :)
patrickalamo 48
Love lost and found
Kn0wledge123 21
Today really sucked for a lot of people. Brick to the head, accused of hating Jesus, racist dog, pshyco baby stealing bakini wax lady, wise ass kid, now a condum to the face.
KiddNYC1O 22
That's what a good pun should be. Kudos, Yoda.
TheEpicPies 15
I read all of those too! I agree.
Posthuman 26
Hahaha he was aiming for op's laptop ;)
dapickle 9
B+
johnboyu 0
"Come at me bro" to a whole new level..
sens3sfailing 25
71- thanks for the advice. I'll keep it in mind. I was sleepy when I was writing it and deleted it 3 times and just couldn't get it to a place I liked it so I settled. I am not happy with the end result either. I'm gonna thumb myself down too.
nephilim241 19
Rude awakening :-/
SuperKnuckels 6
you sleep in the same room while hes having sex with his girlfriend? lol
unknown_user5566 27
64- No, but apparently you find implications in comments when there are none.
MrBond007_fml 6
Well actually in the comment it says that op's roommate decided to throw the condom across the room rather than get up and throw it away. If he threw it across the room and it landed on op, I think that means they were in the same room. I could be wrong but that's how I read it.
niplipsip 9
...roomie comes in while op is asleep, ***** girlfriend. I mean come on.
unknown_user5566 27
98- Since 64 replied to 3, I interpreted the comment as 64 finding some sort of implication in "rude awakening", meaning I thought 64 believed the same situation (in the story) had happened to 3. Now that I've reread this thread, I realize 64 was actually thread jacking instead of replying, and thus I interpreted the comment incorrectly. Woops.
lebronesque73091 12
That is all kinds of nasty. Put on his face for the next night.
yupitssoph 18
Lovely roommate you have there. Go over to him, drop it back onto his face, and say: "I believe this is yours."
BossPathfinderGM 14
The effect would be multiplied ten-fold if you emptied it onto his face. Wear a glove.
webstalkers 6
Actually ductape it to his face
unknown_user5566 27
4- Not sure why, but my mind automatically added "Roadhouse." to the end of your sentence. Damn you, Family Guy.
onlychildFTW 34
Family guy rocks. Well it's okay, some episodes suck.
yupitssoph 18
90-you're right. That made it infinitely better.
Neko_Banshee 13
I say he ought to pour in on the arse hole
DreamRequiem212 8
A friend of mine did this once... but the dog ate it. Needless to say, his mother wasnt very happy when she took the dog for a walk the next morning...
pancakerocks 1
hey this was on the radio the other day
unknown_user5566 27
I feel worse for the dog than the mother. Can you imagine crapping out a condom? Eesh.
sonny234 0
Yeah, I can. Just ask any member of the cartel lol
smallshaft 10
So you actually share a room with your room mate and they had sex with you asleep in the room? Wow I would find another room mate!
conqueror57 11
It's called "college."
freshberries22 17
No that's called nasty I'm in college and I have a roommate but we have enough decency not to screw our significant other if someone else is present. So don't assume that people only do filthy things like that in certain settings, because it's not true.
conqueror57 11
I agree that it's rude and fairly nasty, but I had a roommate in college who did this to me a few times. My point is that in college it's common to share a room with someone, and that someone isn't always courteous.
ebonyirony 29
we have a couch in our dorm, so when one of us is *******, the other sleeps on that. or, at my boyfriends room, his roommate just turns the music up really loud in the next room.
conqueror57 11
We didn't have the luxury of a couch. We had a room probably 12x20 with 3 beds, 3 desks, and 3 dressers. We also didn't have the choice of "finding another roommate" just because we had sex lives.
smallshaft 10
I know what college is and I have 20 years in the military. I have shared a room but I never had sex while my room mate was sleeping. That's just wrong and that's my opinion
A7X_LoVeee 10
One of my friends was in her room(during the middle of the day) and her roommate decided it would be a good idea to go into the shower with her boyfriend and have sex. People never cease to amaze me..
conqueror57 11
Smallshaft (tehe), I was just clarifying because you didn't seem capable of imagining a scenario where this isn't unheard of and may even be common.
laden_swallow09 35
You punched him in the crotch, right? Shoved the condom down his throat, right? Wagged your finger in his face and scolded him for not putting refuse in its proper receptacle, right?
rattusrattus 19
Telebukake?
Kyle225 3
Headshot...I just had to say it
deathy94 14
Well at least your pillowcase isn't dirty. As for payback get him an pentagram necklace or throw him a brick.