Intimacy: Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

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BO Central

Out of it

Nutters Inc.

By RoxMySox - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. I got into it because I noticed a flashy new sign on the highway that read "Being an attentive driver prevents car crashes". Thanks for the notice. FML

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By baybuh - United States

Today, I realized that the cute freckle I noticed a few weeks ago is actually a giant blackhead. FML

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By Anonymoose - United States - West Long Branch

Today, I found out I wasn't cool enough to be invited to a college party that happened last night. The one in charge of inviting people was my girlfriend of two years. FML

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By forever dog-less

Today, my mom told me to go meet a rescue dog. After doing all my research and emailing shelters left and right, I finally got a call. It went well! Then, my mom told me it would never happen. I'm still expecting several emails from the shelters I contacted, so I get to relive this pain. FML

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By littl3storm - 23/12/2020 15:59 - United Kingdom

Tis the season to be jolly

Today, at the ripe age of 20, I spent the early hours of my morning violently vomiting blood every time I got too warm. I then had the pleasure of shitting in a plastic container for a stool sample, due to said problem, after one and half hours of sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into my apartment to find my boyfriend of two years screwing my lifelong best friend. I immediately burst into tears. He looked at me and told me I was being too dramatic. FML

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By Emma-Louise - France

Today, the only positive thing my ex boyfriend left me was my pregnancy test. FML

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By Coccinelle - France

Today, while at work at a small Microsoft partner company, I had to write an email explaining why Internet Explorer is superior to Google Chrome. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, when I got home from work, my fiancé was finishing up with the plumber who had just installed new fixtures for our shower. I decided that I was going to be the first to break it in. I went to the bathroom, got undressed and went to start the water. The OTHER plumber was still in there. FML

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By highleyj - United States

Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2021 18:30 - United States - Newport News

Classic

Today, after I helped get my boyfriend get a new job, he thanked me by dumping me for some whore who works there. FML

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By guessimdead - United States

Today, I went to my new job at a pre-school. I was really excited because everything was going so well, and a little boy even said he was drawing a picture of me. He even gave it to me when he was finished. Well it was me, but I was also on fire and being stabbed and shot multiple times. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML

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By wenchfucker - France - ?pinal

Today, I was once again passed over for a promotion. I'm now the assistant to a kid who has failed to meet almost every single responsibility he's been given before. It's my job to make sure he's successful, and if he isn't, I'll lose my job. FML

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By Coffee

Today, I went to Starbucks to get my free birthday coffee and due to a mistake I received two. Thinking it was my lucky day, I hurried off to work. As I was walking in, I tripped and spilt one coffee all over my new dress. Then I walked into a door and spilt the other. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking to work and saw three guys sitting at a table outside. One of the guys looks at me and says to his friends, "That's the girl that works at the grocery store. She replaced the hot chick." The other two guys glared at me. FML

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By pritch44 - United States

Today, I found out that we have six skunks under my shed. While I was mowing the lawn, they all came out and sprayed me. FML

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By strwbrry - United States

Today, I came home early, and my boyfriend's car was in my driveway. Inside, he was talking to my parents. He walked right past me and left. My mother then says "He wanted me to tell you it's over." FML

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By todaddy - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

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By Fuckthispandemic - 19/2/2021 08:01 - United States - Annapolis

A complaint of Karens

Today, while working as a manager in a busy restaurant, I was hit in the face by a grandmother with a balloon, calling me a motherfucker, while her granddaughter chucked a salad plate into the kitchen. Why? I told them they had to leave at 10, which is currently pandemic law in my state. FML

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By cam96

Today, I woke up early and rushed to work to get to our first weekly safety meeting. I was the only one that remembered. FML

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By Miguel Ezpeleta - 29/5/2020 05:00

Never get involved

Today, I was working for my cousin. However, two weeks ago I found out my cousin's wife was cheating on him, through lying to her best friend. I told him, and he later told her. They've apparently made up, because I got fired. FML

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By sickofthisshit - United States - Oceanside

Today, I nearly got written up for "publicly humiliating" a coworker. All because I left a note in the restroom asking whoever keeps peeing all over the floor to please be considerate of other people. FML

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By combovercaiti_

Today, I was waiting in line at the store trying to hold in a fart. I get to the cash register and the lady made me laugh and the fart slipped out. Only it was much louder than it was supposed to be, because I was squeezing my butt cheeks together, so it made a clapping sound. It was heard. FML

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By KnuckleSandwich - United States

Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML

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By lions214 - United States

Today, at work at a store, I was sitting on the floor stocking a bottom shelf. A woman in a motorized cart did not see me, and ran over my hand. When I alerted her about what she had done she laughed. FML

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By Gamergirl137 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML

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By ThatTrafficCone - United States

Today, the Fire Department found my car overturned in a ditch and on fire. It was two miles away from where I parked it about three hours ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I still have the bronchitis and the stomach flu that I suffered through all weekend. Today was to be the day I had my bachelorette party and wedding shower. I had to call both of them off. FML

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By Amber C - United States

Today, I realized my daughter has been in longer relationships than I have. FML

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By come on man - United States - Sunnyvale

It's the thought that counts

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

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By MissIsabel - France

Today, I went to Ikea with my family. I was wearing a yellow polo that vaguely looked like the ones the Ikea employees were wearing. Two dozen people came up to me, complaining that I was staring at furniture instead of helping customers. FML

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By Anonymous - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I asked my grandmother what she looked like when she was young. She casually replied, "I was ugly, sweetie. Just like you." FML

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By needmorelocks - United States - Santa Paula

What?!

Today, my mom called to chew me out for having my sister arrested. My sister broke into my apartment, rearranged my living room, and claimed she now lived with me. She then threatened me with a butcher's knife for not appreciating what she had done. My mom wants me to pay the bail. FML

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By Jaclk - United States - Needham

Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn't have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I'm not a loser. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got up at 8am and didn't take a shower so I could hear the postman at the door. He never came. I stink. FML

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By Sybille - France

Today, my boyfriend was lying down on top of me and he was looking at me with passionate eyes. I thought he was finally going to tell me he loved me. But instead he said "You have a bogey". FML

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By homealone - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Orlando

Today, I received a text saying, "I don't think we should be friends anymore. You're terribly depressing and you make everyone unhappy" followed by, "Oops, wrong person!" and then by, "Sorry, it really is for you". FML

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By heresmybellybotton - United States

Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML

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Top comments

By iheartjustinsane | 0

#625638 - Sunday 18 October 2009 16:32

YDI for sleeping with some guy you just met.

By youdontdeserveit_fml | 0

#625695 - Sunday 18 October 2009 17:27

shamwow?

COMMENTS

By iheartjustinsane | 0

#625638 - Sunday 18 October 2009 16:32

YDI for sleeping with some guy you just met.

Reply

cookiepenguin | 0

#874844 - Saturday 20 February 2010 8:28

his roomates carpet? sounds like foreplay. what a cheater

Reply

chopra | 0

#1177361 - Monday 2 August 2010 15:45

ur a stupid slut who nobody wants in the community we have enough prostitutes so find another career.

By Superawesomestev | 0

#625668 - Sunday 18 October 2009 17:03

Sounds like my brother, except he goes in closets and on computers. Sorry, that does suck.

Reply

nitrogirl | 0

#1000672 - Friday 21 May 2010 15:20

at least it wasn't yet carpet(:

By Jonr1138 | 6

#625670 - Sunday 18 October 2009 17:07

I say this not a fml or ydi. I say clean it up and know you know he is not the one.

By Ron_fml | 0

#625674 - Sunday 18 October 2009 17:08

YDI for being a Slut

Reply

Villa3L | 0

#628762 - Tuesday 20 October 2009 4:37

You're Fcking Retarded .
It's Called Sex , If You Did It Right You Wouldnt Be So Judgmental .. Ahole

Reply

cozzybear | 0

#978950 - Monday 12 April 2010 14:34

lol ron ftw

Reply

Bladian | 5

#4231447 - Thursday 29 March 2012 9:12

Villa3l is clearly a slut.

By skyeyez9 | 24

#625681 - Sunday 18 October 2009 17:14

you will have to lift up the carpet, cut out the piss soaked carpet liner, replace it with a clean piece, scrub the bottom of the floor beneath the carpet and liner, or the smell will not go away.

By youdontdeserveit_fml | 0

#625695 - Sunday 18 October 2009 17:27

shamwow?

Reply

jeneratorr | 0

#626329 - Sunday 18 October 2009 23:42

you'll say "wow" everytime ;P

By Makaloraii | 0

#625714 - Sunday 18 October 2009 17:45

#1

By Makaloraii | 0

#625718 - Sunday 18 October 2009 17:48

...and #4

By MiniatureMayhem | 0

#625743 - Sunday 18 October 2009 18:11

Obviously YDI for sleeping with someone you just met. Whore.

By No_fyl_cuz_ydi | 0

#625758 - Sunday 18 October 2009 18:41

so you have your own room but your roommate owns the carpet?

Reply

sugar94_fml | 17

#6191372 - Tuesday 3 February 2015 19:28

Ops roommate could own the house and op could just be staying there for a while