Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I'd got her. She replied, "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML
Today, I was laying in bed facing my dad. In the middle of our conversation, I noticed he became interested in something behind me. I turn around to the sight of my mom lifting up her shirt, flashing her boobs. FML
Today, my mom walked into my room without knocking to have a whole conversation about some distant relative's birthday in 3 months time. The whole time I had my bullet vibe still up inside me, so I had to talk to my mom while trying not to react to having an orgasm in front of her. FML
Today, while napping on the couch, I had a very vivid dream about a girl I like. I woke up to my mother and father choking back laughter and recording me on their phones. I don't know what's worse: waking up with a boner in front of my parents or finding out I was also talking dirty in my sleep. FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML
Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML
Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML
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Top comments
greenie213 23
Teenage hormones man. The weirdest shit will set you off.
hunterfisher98 8
Find yourself a girl bro.
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Comments (237)
MrSassypants 33
I can't say what is wrong with you, but when I ask that question, everyone replies by saying everything is wrong with me.
doctorhook86 24
The answer is obviously "the Internet."
MattBC97 4
dpimfd lolr s prtdpmsl ptpnlrm
shuoq76 10
Lol? I'm not sure how to respond to this...
MattBC97 4
oh god my computer just glitched the f out...
mduffy08 8
Maybe we have to unscramble the words
MrSassypants 33
If you don't know how to respond to something, I think the best way is not to repond at all.
the_anti_hipster 7
Paging Dr. Freud, Mommy Issues on line 1...
mduffy08 8
My reply was to a comment that got deleted.
MrSassypants 33
48 I know that. It was something along the lines of "sisknwbshsjajja". Literally. Bunch of random letters.
Reeserr 3
I'm not quite sure you know how to use the word literally properly.
MrSassypants 33
I think I do. If I do not, inform me of my terrible deed I have committed and show me the correct and glorious way to do so.
Reeserr 3
Nice, you replied in 3 minutes. Are you on here all day checking to see if someone replies?
mduffy08 8
103 - So you literally posted 7 minutes after, and you're going to say that? Get lost.
hatesfate 6
109 - you literally have no idea that 3 minutes is not all day.
HyperRofl 0
You guys literally have no idea there are email notifications.
Reeserr 3
Ya I did because I knew this simp would respond. YOLO
Merylwen 24
What's wrong with him is that he watches way too much ****.
lonkite101 14
145- that's not the problem.
CptZoe 10
That is the solution
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
Actually. Some psychiatrists believe that there is a connection between the mother/son that appeals to the the son's sexual fantasies. In other words, some guys want to sleep with girls that are just like their mothers. Which is possibly why he got aroused.
TurnpikeTwister 0
179 - it's called the Oedipus complex, from the Greek myth. There's also the opposite case in which girls are helplessly attracted to their fathers, known as the Electra complex. Pretty ****** up, but obviously not so uncommon as to develop terms for the conditions....however I think OP is most likely an adolescent and probably just hormone haywire, in which case a number of words spoken by any person can trigger the very same reaction. Nothing to be ashamed of OP, my advice to you is to do what other boys (and men) do and flog the dolphin; it's perfectly natural, but just be sure it's in private and without thoughts of mother dearest in your head.
ReturnOfTheRat 6
I don't think it was a connection to his mother, I think he got aroused from the words 'he surprised me with a pearl necklace'
ygdrassil 17
Those terms exist and are used because Sigmund Freud popularized it. His theory (now discredited) went that kids develop sexually by being attracted to their parents and that they resent the parent they're not attracted to.
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
182- thank you for explaining it to me in more detail. It's true what they say "you learn something new everyday"
BabyGirlJr1 11
Nice:)
UltimateGIRness 16
Well I learned a lot on this thread
hunterfisher98 8
Find yourself a girl bro.
ComTlancy 12
Why can't he use his hands?
SqueakyChipmunk 21
Jill: I'm not speaking with him right now. He can never use soap, that bastard.
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Girl?? Are you sure? He got hard after hearing about pearls!!
doctorhook86 24
2: What if the OP isn't into girl-bros?
boating_guy 33
clearly OP just needs a "slam piece" or a "hole for his dick", just so he can get it out of his system, ya know?
pulse18 2
I don't think a girl bro would be effective. maybe a girlfriend would.
AKGirlinSD 20
12, I agree. There's nothing wrong with self gratification. I'm guessing he watches too much 'mommy and son's friend' ****.
fuzz97 23
35, not sure if you're joking or you actually don't know what a "pearl necklace" is
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Clearly that went right over some people's heads. Unlike OP's mother. ;)
HiIAmKevin 8
I'm guessing his mom is hot. Is your mom a Milf? We need pics!!
Annnieck 5
'mom, I want to introduce you to my new girlfriend, my left hand'
boredblonde 17
How is that even a turn on?
Shrike 23
Dunno, some people just find cumming on girls hot.
superswagbro 7
But their mom?
Shrike 23
Yeah, that part's just sick, search me.
SwAGkiLlS 5
I don't understand how it's even close to a turn on...
Dallasluver19 14
Haha!
violetsweety 26
A pearl necklace can be slang for ejaculating all over a girls neck.
Xythenol 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Thank you, Captain Obvious.
Fmlsea 28
wtf who would get turned on by that ?
eggmarie 25
119 - I didn't actually get the joke until she explained. So it wasn't that obvious, Captain Asshole
shinersaboss 0
Good thing she explained that cause I was thinking honest pearl necklaces here
doctorhook86 24
Anyone else notice that it's mostly girls who don't what "pearl necklace" is a euphemism for? 120: Dudes.
TheJester12 15
My hormones must be acting up too. I first read that as " I was spanking to my mother on the phone " oh wait a second .....
tasian14 12
Me 2 lol
VorpikeII 17
Has no one thought about why the mother would share this information with her son? The son was probably quite horny, taking into account the fact that it probably was a REAL pearl necklace, not the sexual kind.
greenie213 23
Teenage hormones man. The weirdest shit will set you off.
CareFace 16
Like... His mum getting jizzed on by his dad? Personally, I think he's from the wrong part of Australia... Tasmania is where all that "jazz" happens...
AussieChild 22
Right, coz all Tasmanian's are incest. Nice stereotype jerkoff
AussieChild 22
*Tasmanians* Damn auto correct
pmr1990 12
Sounds like AussieChild has experienced a few too many Tasmanian jokes. From the whole of the mainland, we're sorry. We'll also speak slower for you ;)
AussieChild 22
I'm from Queensland originally- then moved to Tasmania with family.. Doesn't stop all the jokes though
hatesfate 6
87 - so you folks converted into the lifestyle?
AussieChild 22
Ahaaaaa, you're hilarious.
bingo01_fml 13
No where does it say or even imply that OP is a teenager. If he is talking on the phone with his mother about something mundane that happened a week ago I would assume that he is grown and living on his own.
greenie213 23
Take a good look at your profile pic and try to learn something.
jizzwold 21
So Tasmania is to Australia as the south is to the United States?
AussieChild 22
198- all I know is that Tasmania has the lowest crime rate in Australia and is considered to be one of the safest and most beautiful places in the world.
mpj13 8
That's a very attractive question
onlychildFTW 33
I honestly thing an actually pearl neckless. Not one made by his dads baby juice. Haha.
MissEmma_fml 22
*think *actual *necklace *dad's SORRY - *hides in corner*
mtrrace 4
It happens to the best of us.
phatdaddy62 23
OK, I've done some really weird shit. But not that!
blcksocks 19
No #7, I don't think it does...
CptZoe 10
Clearly, most people are not "the best of us". The world is ******.
cmb8280 24
Really? No one here has used the phrase, "It happens to the best of us," sarcastically before? i.e. somewhere where it clearly does NOT happen to the best of us? No worries, #7, I'm pickin' up what you're puttin' down.
fatou_fml 7
You mean the perverted "us"
duckiegirl21 10
I've yet to hear of a pearl fetish, but I suppose there's a first time for everything.
nchov523 11
Lookup "pearl necklace" on urban dictionary.
doctorhook86 24
Or better yet, look it up on RedTube.
the_anti_hipster 7
21--and look it up at work. With the volume up as loud as it'll go. ;)
i_wuz_nver_here 31
Oooooh the wonders of urban dictionary this makes so much more sense now
emmaohiggins 0
Ill go out with u
SuaSponte 1
It would have been best if you sent that in a private message.
MrSassypants 33
No. It would have been better to send a private message, and it would have been best to keep quiet.
biggestfan23 11
Lol d
biggestfan23 11
Lol you're desperate
bowerz 1
:)
alychick 5
Desperate chick is desperate.
SirEskimo 13
You're not nearly old enough to be op's type.
olpally 32
Quagmire anyone? Lol. Sicko!
mrnuleef 7
Giggety
lonkite101 14
88- *Giggity
luckyd880 12
Goo
HairyPunisher 27
It ssounds to me like you just need to lay off the **** and get laid with a real woman. If you're so sexually starved you're picturing sexual scenarios with your parents when something mundane happens then yes, it's time to lose the v-card.
miyaviichan 27
Your username may or may not turn him off completely.