Miscellaneous: Today, I was laying in bed facing my dad. In the middle of our...

By madisonnkelly - United States - Dallas

Today, I was laying in bed facing my dad. In the middle of our conversation, I noticed he became interested in something behind me. I turn around to the sight of my mom lifting up her shirt, flashing her boobs. FML

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Miscellaneous

Sorry…

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Cartoon villain

By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my doctor finally prescribed me some medication for my arthritis. The cap was insanely well-secured, and my hands were too racked with pain to get it off. FML

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By achoo-plop - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I learned that the only way for me to have a complete bowel movement is to blow my nose at the same time. However, I learned this while standing in my girlfriend's kitchen. FML

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By jalopenos - United Kingdom

Today, my friend had to leave work early for a funeral and on his way out I wanted to say something. All I could think of was "have fun". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Roxboro

Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill. My cat ate it before I could pick it up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Gladewater

Bad boy

Today, after weeks of looking for the source of an awful smell in our house, I found out our dog has been climbing over our loft banister, into the attic, and shitting. There were over twenty mounds. It took me almost four hours to clean up, and it still stinks. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Wuppertal

Today, my coworker keeps loudly saying things like, "Oh, now THIS!" If I don't ask, "What?" she pouts. If I do ask, she tells me, at length and with very bad grammar, how every one of our colleagues and partners is either stupid, rude or out to get her. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

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By squishy - Canada

Today, I woke up with a ridiculous hangover and no memory of last night. I called my friend who told me that I was so trashed I ended up eating all the hamburgers and chicken fingers in her fridge. I've been a vegetarian for 15 years. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML

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By Amber - United States

Today, I realized why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

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By Braxam - United States

Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML

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By Laundrylady - United States

Today, I was at the laundromat doing my clothes when I noticed a cute guy next to me. I tried to be a ninja and sneak my sock into his basket so I could start a conversation with him. He saw me. FML

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By "Brittney Anderson"

Today found out I need to have emergency surgery which is extremely convenient considering I'm literally supposed to be moving out of state in 2 days and my whole house is completely packed. FML

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By Good morning to you all

Today, since my dad decided he's tired of not being completely comfortable in his own home, he now wears only a knee-length robe without underwear so he can "really enjoy the breeze". I've seen more balls in a few days than a pro baseball player does his entire career. FML

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By clash - France

Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML

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35814

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By scared - United States

Today, I went on a date at a restaurant with a guy. When he promised I wouldn't have to pay the bill, I didn't think he meant we'd be dining and dashing. FML

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By look in the mirror bitch - 10/11/2020 14:04

Mind your own beeswax, Amanda

Today, I called someone out for her brazen homophobia. She was ranting about how gays are sinners. When I mentioned that she had three children by three different men, all out of wedlock, and was currently living with her boyfriend, also considered a sin, she reported me to HR for harassment. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Norwalk

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

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By ActionBastard - 23/4/2021 04:59

Make your mind up

Today, I was chewed out by my boss for reporting someone not wearing a mask in our store, because, "no one likes a snitch." I'm the security guard. It's my job to report that to her. FML

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By [SiMON] - France

Today, I invited a girl I really like to spend the afternoon at my place. Everything went great... with my sister. They became really good friends, and me, well, I tried to alleviate my boredom in front of my computer. FML

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By the bleeder

Today, I met with a student in office hours to discuss an assignment when my nose started bleeding. I didn't know at first, so I blew my nose and an inhuman amount of blood sprayed out the side of the tissue all over my desk, the wall, and the student's paper. It looked like a murder scene. FML

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By dating walter white's gf apparently - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, I went out with a guy I really liked for the first time. He tried to hold my hands, only to be stopped by my mum, jumping out from nowhere saying "Oh no you don't!" before slapping him. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

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By sama - 6/1/2021 11:03 - United States - San Jose

Assumptions

Today, I was asked why I have stretch marks when I’m skinny. The stretch marks are from when I was recovering anorexic. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after weeks of allowing my parents to borrow money, I got a check for $2000. I took it to the bank only to find out it was fake. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards, he said he was in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever. It was also at this time I realised that I can't stand him. FML

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By Wtf is wrong with her - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to watch my drunk girlfriend yell at a cat for not having periods. The worst part is that she was at a pet store. The pet store at which I work. FML

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By Justmyluck - United States - Bloomsburg

Today, after a week of no side effects, my bronchitis medication decided to screw me over. I'm running on 3 hours of sleep and half of my face is sunburnt in randomized patches. Guess who has a huge presentation today. FML

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By Anonymous

Her House, Her Rules.

Today, my grandma told me she likes to clean the house naked every day. I'm staying there all next week. FML

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By religionbites621 - United States

Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML

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By numbcrumb

Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML

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By cynicalcindy - United States

Today, I visited my brother in jail for the first time. I didn't know what to say so I blurted out : "Are you having fun ?" FML

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By J Claire Sanchez

No rest for the heroes

Today, everyone has been advised to stay home and self-quarantine due to the COVID19 outbreak. This would've been great and all, especially since I'm pregnant and need the bed rest, but I work as a doctor and we're understaffed. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2020 17:03

That ship has sailed

Today, I realized there’s no point in maintaining a friendship of 20 years. I stopped texting my friend three weeks ago and he never noticed. I texted him daily for at least the past ten years. FML

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By Lunazel93 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

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By raebelle - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went shooting. While I was showing him how to properly hold and adjust a rifle, he accidentally pulled the trigger. The gun kicked back and hit me in the face, breaking my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 09:57 - Argentina - Burzaco

The death of romance

Today, I was swiping on Tinder when the app told me there was one else left to meet. I haven't had any matches. FML

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By bellabreeze - United States - Lebanon

Today, my son thought it would be a great idea to spray a whole can of spray tan all over my freshly-painted white bathroom walls as an "experiment". He's 18. FML

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26027

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By left, I guess - Canada - Antigonish

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. While looking at the menu, my date said "Who even likes kweetch? Gross." When I realized she was trying to say "quiche", I corrected her. That pissed her off. Now I'm at home, alone, trying to decide which hand is going to keep me company tonight. FML

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By tallwoman - Denmark

Today, I was at a concert. During the concert, my shoelaces went undone, so I bent down to tie them. Not two seconds later, the girl behind me jumped on my shoulders and refused to get down. She said "tall guys" are the best to ride on during concerts. My name is Maria. FML

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Top comments

By Steve95401 | 49

#6342016 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:18

At least your Dad is still interested in checking out your Mom's boobs after all these years.

By not_your_taco | 15

#6342019 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:20

At least you know they aren't getting divorced anytime soon

COMMENTS

By senor_octubre | 24

#6342010 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:15

Some things can never be unseen. Let's hope for your sake that this can be.

jerzjay | 17

#6342023 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:21

No chance...op is scarred for life!

sonasonic | 34

#6342959 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 5:43

OP needs some double strength brain bleach for that stain.

By Steve95401 | 49

#6342016 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:18

At least your Dad is still interested in checking out your Mom's boobs after all these years.

cari_cat | 19

#6342464 - Monday 6 July 2015 20:41

You have to be really optimistic to see your mom's boobs and think "At least my parents aren't splitting up"

sonasonic | 34

#6342960 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 5:44

You're not supposed to be optimistic when YOU see them.

By golferman72 | 16

#6342017 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:19

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

bl865ood | 17

#6342190 - Monday 6 July 2015 17:06

big enough

InSultan | 14

#6342974 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 6:02

I was going to ask that lol

platypus546 | 24

#6343155 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 10:13

the thirst is real

By not_your_taco | 15

#6342019 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:20

At least you know they aren't getting divorced anytime soon

lilpsyco | 16

#6342436 - Monday 6 July 2015 20:07

Boobs, preventing marriages from falling apart since the dawn of man.

By echarlotte | 19

#6342020 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:20

Sorry you had to witness that op.

By aliceablaze | 16

#6342021 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:21

Well it is Texas.

RedPillSucks | 31

#6342197 - Monday 6 July 2015 17:18

everything is bigger in texas

ZombieVampirez | 24

#6342271 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:21

Not everything

mexican_music | 13

#6342633 - Monday 6 July 2015 23:38

no, everything

By Nessco | 36

#6342022 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:21

hahaha, too funny. I always make sure there's no way of my kids seeing, even if they were to turn around.

By fluffydress | 2

#6342028 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:23

I think that's cute!! Good for them!!

By keiNan_fml | 35

#6342029 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:23

at least he is not cheating.

danimal_crackerz | 26

#6342048 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:50

Um.. No that just proves he still has interest in her, doesn't mean he doesn't also have interest in someone else

By Cads1 | 24

#6342034 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:26

Classic parents misbehaving in front of their children. Good to see it still exists.