Miscellaneous: Today, I was laying in bed facing my dad. In the middle of our...

By madisonnkelly - United States - Dallas

Today, I was laying in bed facing my dad. In the middle of our conversation, I noticed he became interested in something behind me. I turn around to the sight of my mom lifting up her shirt, flashing her boobs. FML

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Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Trust

Our House

By anonymous - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend and I were at a park, alone, late at night. Things were getting kind of heavy and he started undressing me, when we heard a loud "Hey!" and a flashlight coming through the bushes. My boyfriend then decided to ditch me, while still holding my shirt and bra. FML

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By Annonymous

Today, my neighbors put up their Christmas lights. They blink red and green on and off. Ever since they put them up, my dog hasn't stopped barking. It's 2:00AM. FML

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By naps aren't what they used to be - United States

Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML

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By Bisounours - France

Today, I went to see the new Harry Potter movie with my boyfriend. Feeling an intense need to pee, he decided to sacrifice a few minutes of the movie before the highly-anticipated final combat to get some relief. He went through the wrong door, locking himself out. Right until the end. FML

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By Spraylady - United Kingdom

Today, I think my unborn child has developed a sense of humour. The little cherub is usually very calm, but must have realised that if he/she kicks me hard enough in this particular place near my bladder, I'll piss myself on the spot like a race horse. It's happened twice now. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brantford

Thanks dad

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML

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By pdnne - United States

Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in, it was the only thing I could think about, so looking directly at him my foot hits a lip in the floor and my head slams into his desk. FML

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By T.C - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my happily married father has been hiring escorts on-line for 3 years. FML

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By Anonymous - Portugal - Alhandra

Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML

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By not-so-young-shortie - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend, he is 6'2 and i am 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess started openly flirting with him, and asked him if he needed a booster chair for his daughter. FML

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By Leyla - United States - Franklin

Today, my boyfriend and I respectfully asked my landlady if he could stay with me until he gets back on his feet. He was robbed at gunpoint in his house last night. Landlady then yelled because we aren't married, and then showed up at my door at 10pm, "just making sure John isn't here". FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my mom said that if I wasn't her daughter, she probably wouldn't even like me. FML

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By kazmatazz - Oman

Today, I found out that the extremely attractive man that works in my building can hear everything I say about him through the paper-thin walls. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, while arriving to a date for the first time in a couple years, the first thing out of his mouth was, "I'm only dressed up because I had court today." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2020 17:02 - Poland - Polska

At will

Today, I was fired for asking HR to move me to another department, due to my manager's unethical behaviour against me. The alternative was shut up and look for another job. Which I have to do now. FML

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By SharpeOne

Today, I found out that my parents didn't come to my wedding not because they couldn't make it, but rather that my younger brother didn't want to go. FML

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By SpanishInFrenchClass - United States

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

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By Jen - United States

Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Jefferson

Today, I found out what it's like to drive seven hours home with a woman who just brutally rejected your marriage proposal. FML

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By BadgerSpirit - United States

Spooky

Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML

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By androidjezus

Halloween, the long wait

Today, I asked my girlfriend to get a bunch of candy for our first Halloween at our new house, so she got $60 worth. We got into an argument about who was going to give it out. It’s now 9 p.m. No one came to our door all night. FML

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By misterhippo - United States

Today, I texted the hottest girl in the school saying, "I really like you, we should date". She responded with a text saying, "Sorry, I'm not into you." I then got a text saying, "Sorry, my brother stole my phone, and answered, but still it's no". I got rejected twice. Once by a man. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, saying I had a lot on my plate. She responded by throwing an empty plate at my windshield. FML

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By JulieClaire

Today, while driving home I saw a few deer running beside me. I stopped to let them go in front. Instead, one face-plants, ramming into the side of my brand new car. FML

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By LittleFriend

Today, I was told I will receive no Christmas or birthday presents for the next 3 years because my parents paid for my rhinoplasty. I needed it because my 12-year-old brother smashed my nose with a hammer in a fit of rage. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. I began to eat when I noticed a blond hair in my food. When that happened, I went up to the counter and began complaining about their hygiene. When the manager insisted no one that works there had long blond hair, I realized that it was my hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2020 05:01

Vicious and unprovoked

Today, while I was playing football with a friend, my sister wanted to join in. She was messing around with the ball at the start, then suddenly she kicked the ball through my legs, pulled my shorts down and kneed me in the nuts. FML

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By lalararara - United States

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

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By Steve.mc - Canada

Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML

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By cough - Canada - Toronto

Good initiative

Today, I was choking on an apple and asked my sister to get me some water. She got some. Then drank it herself. FML

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By blushingbride - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML

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By MartianTom - United States - Evanston

Today, the maintenance man for my building fixed my leaky sink. As he headed out the door, I said, "Thanks, Gus!" He turned around and said matter-of-factly, "My name is Eli." I've been addressing him as "Gus" for the past year and a half. FML

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By Tymer - Canada - Malahat

Today, while at school, a bra fell out of my coat. After the initial shock, people started congratulating me on finally getting a girlfriend. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was my mom's. FML

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By Tickettoride - Austria - Vienna

Today, my boyfriend and I stressed out preparing for our one week holiday. We packed for the whole day, said goodbye to everyone and arrived at the airport quite exhausted after a 45-minute train ride. Turns out our flight isn't until tomorrow. The check-in lady couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By Yuuucky - Canada

Today, my boyfriend showed me a YouTube video of him popping a huge blackhead on his forehead. He told me he had been "growing" it for more than 2 years now. I have been caressing and kissing that thing for almost 2 years because I thought it was a beauty mark. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent an hour writing 80 thank you cards to everyone who attended my graduationg party. After carefully personalizing each one and sealing them shut, I realized I did not mark the envelopes with names. FML

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By Anonyme - France - G?anges

Today, our 8-month-old son had a big cold and his nose was blocked. I couldn't find the baby nose pump in it's usual place, so I went to ask my husband. He had it in his hand, and was using to decorate the cake that was going to be served to tonight's guests, my parents. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got back from a 6 month deployment overseas. My girlfriend of 3 years couldn't pick me up from the airport because she had an intramural softball game to go to. FML

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Top comments

By Steve95401 | 49

#6342016 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:18

At least your Dad is still interested in checking out your Mom's boobs after all these years.

By not_your_taco | 15

#6342019 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:20

At least you know they aren't getting divorced anytime soon

COMMENTS

By senor_octubre | 24

#6342010 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:15

Some things can never be unseen. Let's hope for your sake that this can be.

jerzjay | 17

#6342023 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:21

No chance...op is scarred for life!

sonasonic | 34

#6342959 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 5:43

OP needs some double strength brain bleach for that stain.

By Steve95401 | 49

#6342016 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:18

At least your Dad is still interested in checking out your Mom's boobs after all these years.

cari_cat | 19

#6342464 - Monday 6 July 2015 20:41

You have to be really optimistic to see your mom's boobs and think "At least my parents aren't splitting up"

sonasonic | 34

#6342960 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 5:44

You're not supposed to be optimistic when YOU see them.

By golferman72 | 16

#6342017 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:19

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

bl865ood | 17

#6342190 - Monday 6 July 2015 17:06

big enough

InSultan | 14

#6342974 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 6:02

I was going to ask that lol

platypus546 | 24

#6343155 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 10:13

the thirst is real

By not_your_taco | 15

#6342019 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:20

At least you know they aren't getting divorced anytime soon

lilpsyco | 16

#6342436 - Monday 6 July 2015 20:07

Boobs, preventing marriages from falling apart since the dawn of man.

By echarlotte | 19

#6342020 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:20

Sorry you had to witness that op.

By aliceablaze | 16

#6342021 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:21

Well it is Texas.

RedPillSucks | 31

#6342197 - Monday 6 July 2015 17:18

everything is bigger in texas

ZombieVampirez | 24

#6342271 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:21

Not everything

mexican_music | 13

#6342633 - Monday 6 July 2015 23:38

no, everything

By Nessco | 36

#6342022 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:21

hahaha, too funny. I always make sure there's no way of my kids seeing, even if they were to turn around.

By fluffydress | 2

#6342028 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:23

I think that's cute!! Good for them!!

By keiNan_fml | 35

#6342029 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:23

at least he is not cheating.

danimal_crackerz | 26

#6342048 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:50

Um.. No that just proves he still has interest in her, doesn't mean he doesn't also have interest in someone else

By Cads1 | 24

#6342034 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:26

Classic parents misbehaving in front of their children. Good to see it still exists.