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FML's Survival Kit #5

Hi everyone ! It's Thursday when we show you stuff that we've liked over the past week. Buying stuff makes us feel alive and less like failures, and we like things that allow us to avoid thinking too hard about the void in our lives. Anyway, here's the stuff that we liked this week! 

Our team is really into gadgets, games and weird objects. This column will allow you to find out what sort of things we like, what makes us giggle enough to buy, but will also give you some ideas for gifts, either for yourself or someone special. Check 'em out. 

 

Where have you been?
 

"I really love foreign countries, traveling abroad and discovering new cultures. I've been all over the world, so this map is great fun for keeping tabs on the countries I've been to by scratching them out. I almost used it for checking all the countries I'd had sex in, but it wouldn't have as much fun."

 

Wipe the pain away
 

"Everyone uses toilet paper. Well, unless you're from some distant tribe in the Amazon, or someone stuck in woods with only poison ivy nearby. And fun, printed toilet paper can be quite a giggle. I chose this one because of obvious reasons. And I can do to the paper what he'll be doing to the USA over the next four years."

 

 

My F(ML) life
 

"I've been ill recently so I've been stuck at home with my mom, who doesn't have a TV or the internet. So I went out and bought this book, which is hysterically funny, and reminds me of the last time I was at school, on my 13th birthday. I was terrible at school stuff, so this funny book brought back many strange memories."

 


 

I've used it 79 times today
 

"Ever feel annoyed, whether at work, or at home, but mainly at work, this is the fun gadget you should be getting. It's a button you can press whenever you feel like life is getting you down, or just to get someone to shut up. Carry it around with you, it can do all the talking for you!"

 


Catwoman returns
 

"My human tried to get my girlfriend to try these on, and she duly complied. It seems that humans get turned on by this sort of thing. All I see is a flesh-filled scratching post, which got me into trouble when I tried to test my theory out. Get them for that extra pussy sexiness. Or something like that."


 


Can't get rid of the smell of failure, though
 

"My place stinks. It's awful. I live over a vegan restaurant and the stench that emanates from that place is unbearable. Added to that, my current boyfriend is trying to keep warm by eating cheese fondues non-stop. So this stuff is perfect for making your bathroom smell nice, but not in a shitty "Pinecone hanging on a rear-view mirror" way. Get it if you want your bathroom, and home, to smell better than a dumpster.  

 


Hipster's paradise

 

"This selection is a bit more expensive than the rest but no too much. If you enjoy music and like the sound of crackling vinyl, or want to convert your mum's old Duran Duran records into mp3 files, this thing can do it. "


 

Cleanliness is nuts

"This is funny AND useful. What more could you want from life ? It's great when, like me you have to take the dirty subway to work every morning, and I can't do that without cupping my nuts, so when I get to the office I whip out my hand sanitizer and the day can begin. Also works as a gag gift, or a gift to someone who needs to get the message about their personal hygiene."

 

 

That's it for this week. Hope you enjoyed our selection, and maybe even bought a few things! See you soon.

#1626 - About FMyLife - On 11/17/2016 at 8:56am by Alan - 4 comments

Another FML Photo to caption, quick!


Hello everyone! It's the beginning of the week, everyone's bummed out so we thought we'd cheer you up with a picture to caption. We don't feel like working either, so here's a fun little thing to do. Enjoy!
 

How does this work?

We're giving you a picture to caption. Nothing containing famous people or anything familiar. It's up to you to tell the story behind it, using the "Today, (…) FML" template that we all know and love. Then, according to your votes, and a totally arbitrary choice on our part, we'll post the FML Photo in the category and credit the author of the caption.

The FML Photos are a colourful addition to FML. You can make them legendary. To do so, we're once again appealing to your creativity and sense of humour. Show us what you've got, if you've got it. There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to come up with a great caption to go with this photo.


Get on with it. Show us the photo already.

Here it is:


Feeling inspired?
If so, add your suggestions and captions in the comments below, in the best FML style you can think of. The funniest will be published in the FML Photos category, and the author will be showered in the glory of having their name mentioned alongside their creation. Ready? Go!

Subtle warning: Captions posted in response to top-voted captions, or in response to the captions in the first few positions will be disqualified/deleted/hissed at. Comment on the article, not the comments, so your votes actually count!

#1624 - Pictures - On 11/14/2016 at 8:55am by Alan - 58 comments

Caption today's FML Photo!


Hello everyone! It's the beginning of the week, everyone's bummed out so we thought we'd cheer you up with a picture to caption. We don't feel like working either, so here's a fun little thing to do. Enjoy!
 

How does this work?

We're giving you a picture to caption. Nothing containing famous people or anything familiar. It's up to you to tell the story behind it, using the "Today, (…) FML" template that we all know and love. Then, according to your votes, and a totally arbitrary choice on our part, we'll post the FML Photo in the category and credit the author of the caption.

The FML Photos are a colourful addition to FML. You can make them legendary. To do so, we're once again appealing to your creativity and sense of humour. Show us what you've got, if you've got it. There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to come up with a great caption to go with this photo.


Get on with it. Show us the photo already.

Here it is:


Feeling inspired?
If so, add your suggestions and captions in the comments below, in the best FML style you can think of. The funniest will be published in the FML Photos category, and the author will be showered in the glory of having their name mentioned alongside their creation. Ready? Go!

Subtle warning: Captions posted in response to top-voted captions, or in response to the captions in the first few positions will be disqualified/deleted/hissed at. Comment on the article, not the comments, so your votes actually count!

#1623 - Pictures - On 11/07/2016 at 10:01am by Alan - 29 comments

FML's Survival Kit #4

Hello everyone ! So, it's that time of the week again when we show you stuff that we've liked over the past week. Buying stuff makes us feel alive and less like failures, and we like things that allow us to avoid thinking too hard about the election. Anyway, here's the stuff that we liked this week! 

Our team is really into gadgets, games and weird objects. This column will allow you to find out what sort of things we like, what makes us giggle enough to buy, but will also give you some ideas for gifts, either for yourself or someone special. Check 'em out. 

 

My little buddy

"I'm into all things that make my house look great, so this little guy is a perfect companion for the rest of my little army of men stationed outside my front door, as well as inside the house. As you can tell, I like having people drop by unannounced, so having this right by the front door really sends a message to people thinking that they come along whenever they please. Also makes a great gift for someone who won't get the message."

 

My feet are horny

"I'm well aware that these are unicorn slippers. So what?! I think they look cool, and as the nights are getting as cold as a witch's tit around my way, they're great for keeping my hairy-toed feet warm. They're available in one-size-fits-all so they make a great gift for someone how also likes to lounge around the house watching TV while eating cereal."

 

My teeth are worth it

"Sometimes, when I get back to my mom's place in the middle of the night, she likes to check I haven't been out smoking with my posse, my crew. So, to avoid all accusations of wrongdoing, I got myself this toothpaste. It has a cupcake flavor, so my mom thinks I've been out stuffing my face with cupcakes, instead of just hanging around the stairwell, smoking jazz cigarettes."

 

Nice cuppa shite

"This week I selected this mug because I've been quite ill, vomiting from both ends, so it's kind of appropriate that I'd be drinking coffee out of a toilet. It's a funny gift too, but I'm keeping mine on my desk to remind me of the day I soldiered on at work despite having the squits."

 

I have no thumbs

"This is a game for humans. Humans that like to wrestle, and it's only available to people with opposable thumbs. I'm a cat, which means that I don't have any thumbs so I can't play. Maybe the next evolutionary step will allow a strain of cats to develop thumbs, but for now I'm stuck watching my human try and beat his friends in this miniature ring. Get it for yours."


 

I'm the firestarter, twisted firestarter

"I'm usually quite high maintenance, but surprisingly I like camping. The great outdoors, tents and massive sleeping bags. But to be able to camp, you need to know how to make fire. None of that rubbing bits of woods for hours shit for me. I've got one of these neat flints that will set alight any bunches of sticks or paper. Get it for your 18-year-old layabout son as a hint that it's time to move out of your house into a tent and make it on his own." 

 

A classic LP

"No joking around this time. This week I've selected a classic album from 1977, the first album by the duo called Suicide. It influenced many people, and the singer was also called Alan. If you're not terrified by the end of 'Frankie Teardrop', you're clearly emotionless. Get it now, because it's a must-have of any decent record collection. M.I.A. knows, she sampled 'Ghost Rider' to then bellow all over it."

 

I like to booze it up

"I've recently set my sights on becoming a functioning alcoholic. It's a step up from what I was going before, ie. studying marketing. So, to start myself out, I got this hand belt buckle flask, which I fill with cheap wine to sip during the day. I hope to move onto the harder stuff soon, like fortified wine, or vermouth. I'm going places! Makes a great gift for the boozehound in your family."

That's it for this week. See you next week, same place, same time for some new and cool stuff we've seen floating around the internet!

#1622 - About FMyLife - On 11/02/2016 at 7:04am by Alan - 5 comments

Caption today's FML Photo!


Hello everyone! It's the beginning of the week, everyone's bummed out so we thought we'd cheer you up with a picture to caption. We don't feel like working either, so here's a fun little thing to do. Enjoy!
 

How does this work?

We're giving you a picture to caption. Nothing containing famous people or anything familiar. It's got a disguise in it, so it's got a tenuous link to Halloween. Now it's up to you to tell the story behind it, using the "Today, (…) FML" template that we all know and love. Then, according to your votes, and a totally arbitrary choice on our part, we'll post the FML Photo in the category and credit the author of the caption.

The FML Photos are a colourful addition to FML. You can make them legendary. To do so, we're once again appealing to your creativity and sense of humour. Show us what you've got, if you've got it. There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to come up with a great caption to go with this photo.


Get on with it. Show us the photo already.

Here it is:


Feeling inspired?
If so, add your suggestions and captions in the comments below, in the best FML style you can think of. The funniest will be published in the FML Photos category, and the author will be showered in the glory of having their name mentioned alongside their creation. Ready? Go!

Subtle warning: Captions posted in response to top-voted captions, or in response to the captions in the first few positions will be disqualified/deleted/hissed at. Comment on the article, not the comments, so your votes actually count!

#1621 - Pictures - On 10/31/2016 at 11:25am by - 60 comments