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Illustrated FML (286) - About FMyLife (44) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (16) - Books (9) - Competitions (6) - Special guests (6)

La Belle Bleue's Illustrated FML

Hello everybody! How is everybody doing? It's Friday, and everyone has got their party hat on, and so have we. I've got the tequila and the shot glasses out, the lemon and the salt too, and I've set up the sound system, with a great playlist, including Vanilla Ice, Flo Rida and that "Friday Friday" song. Yeah, I like great music, so what? This week, we're going into the murky world of strange people on the train, and preconceived notions we might have about them. Intrigued? You should be. Let's get on with it.

LA BELLE BLEUE'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"Give me anything with chocolate on it and I'll be happy. But if I have to recommend a biscuit, it's Kangos."

Self-portrait La Belle Bleue by Marina

 


La Belle Bleue, AKA Marina, is a French artist. The name means "The Beautiful Blue", and comes from the thing people say when they are watching fireworks, "Oh, look at the beautiful blue firework." It works better in French, trust me. 

Her info:
Age : 30 "and a few months. 12 months. Oh OK, 13. But I don't look it, and it's still tempting to try and get cheaper fares on public transportation."
LocationToulon, France
Blog : Oh la Belle Bleue
Her illustrated FML: The one in the train


This week, if you've already checked out the illustrated FML, we're taking the train. Speaking of which, I have a question, j'ai une question : why do some people stand up and get their stuff together a good 15 minutes before the train actually arrives at its destination? What's the point? It's the final stop, there's no need to rush out in case the train starts moving again. And it's quite cosy, sitting down while the train moved along. People are weird. Anyway, today is all about strang behaviour in trains. Marina has analysed this particular FML and has come up with an explanation that I hadn't even thought about. Well done to her.

Who is behind la Belle Bleue? What does she do? She's a subsitute teacher most of the time, but mainly she does "talk a lot of rubbish, and makes a lot of blunders. Just today I've blundered twice. And in front of the same people. I don't have much credibility." On her blog she "tells the tales of her instellar losing streaks, her ideas, of which I have many. I have so many that I forget some on my way. I write them down on bits of paper, then I lose the bits of paper. I also like to test out new things to make my drawings and colouring better. When I look at my first drawings on my blog, it scares me. What do I need? More time!" Oh yes, the old "I need more time" chorus that a lot of illustrators mention in these interviews. I understand your pain, my friends. 


What's your latest news? "Your question reminds me that I have to contact the Marseille festival to get my own stand, like last year. It's in April, but you have to book early. And I'm collaborating with another comics blogger, we've got the ideas down, all we have to do know is draw." We'll know more soon. Or not. 

What do you enjoy in life? Do you have any hidden vices? Any dreams? "I like making fun of people (but not on my own, otherwise it's not as fun). I like gossip, sleeping with my teddy bear, artistic gymnastics, seeing my friends, bitching about boyfriends, not having sore feet while wearing new shoes (which is rare), a candlelit dinner with Ryan Gosling, going to the supermarket with Ryan Gosling…" Oh good God, not that guy again. I don't understand the attraction. His head is shaped like an aubergine. Or am I confusing him with someone else. Or myself. I'm not even sure I've seen one of his movies. Or if I've seen a movie. I'm going to take my medication now. 

Are there any artists that you like and whose blogs you check out now and again? "I love Barty's work (and he's very nice). Barty, if you're reading, publish stuff more often! Other than that, I like Sériba, Sophie Lambda and Margaux Motin." Speaking of Barty, he'd offered to do an illustrated FML a while back, we said yes, and we're still waiting to hear from him. So, Barty, give us a call! 

Besides comics, what are you into? "The Hobbit, of course! And I've discovered several versions of the theme song from "The Last Goodbye, sung by Billy Boyd. The version done by the band Phedore is HUGE! It's a rock version, and the singer has a fantastic voice. I've been playing it constantly since I discovered it (when I like something, I don't pretend to like it) I'm also impatiently waiting for the fifth season of Game of Thrones." As are a lot of people all over the world (I'm not, though, I never got the appeal, but then again I'm well into the new season of Celebrity Big Brother UK at the moment, yes, I'm "different", so what?) 

How about a personal FML to finish off? "Today, I'm an instructor during a school trip to England. A kid in the group is being particularly annoying, with the instructors and with the English teachers. He's all over the place, so much so that at one point I drag him to one side to give him an earfull. When I was done, he laughed even harder than before I'd started. And the laughter seemed to be directed at me. I hadn't released any spittle, I hadn't messed up in my speech and I didn't have anything stuck in my teeth. That's when I realised that I'd forgotten to remove my heart-shaped sunglasses. FML" Heart-shaped sunglasses should only be worn if you are Elton John or Madonna in the '80s. 80.

That's it for now. JI'll leave you go back to whatever it was you were doing with a great song with which to start the weekend, and a picture of all of us at the bar tonight, pretending not to be drinking beer. As of tonight, I'm on holiday for a week. You don't care, but I'll be far far away. Wahey. See you next week ! 

What about you? Think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML? Send us an email to contact@fmylife.com but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1496 - Illustrated FML - On 01/16/2015 at 5:25am by Alan - 12 comments

Lazouave's illustrated FML

Right. How are you doing? Things are going a bit nuts round our way. Everyone knows the Keep calm and carry on posters and their various derivatives. They were initially conceived to reassure and boost Great Britain's morale in case of an invasion in 1939. They were never used, but we should keep that stiff upper lip spirit in mind, especially with what's going on at the moment. Let's stay calm, and carry on. This article is about cartoons and humour, so I'll stick to that, and won't go into what's been going on, but if you've checked the news recently, you'll know what I mean. It's hard to introduce the second part of our New Year's celebrations illustrations, but by jove I'm gonna! Here we go.

LAZOUAVE'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"Dinosaurus biscuits + glass of milk + stupid TV show = best day of your life. Approved by myself personally."

Autoportrait Lazouave by Sauvane

 


Lazouave, is also known as Sauvane, and is thus a girl. Yes, a girl. I get a lot of them on here, don't make that face.

Her info:
Age: 24
Location: Paris
BlogLazouave
Her illustrated FML: The one with the penis


This week, we're still celebrating the new year. Happy New Year everyone, bis. Yesterday, I was told about a story about a guy over here in France who'd had a really terrible 2014, a divorce, his mother had died, and on the 1st of January, he'd sarcastically posted on Facebook, "Bye 2014, feel free to drop by anytime!" With all bloodshed recently, he posted another status saying, "Hey, 2014, I was joking."

So, Lazouave. EShe'd contacted us a while back to do an illustration, and I suggested she do the New Year's one. But who is she? "I'm a graphics and motion designer." And where does she come from? "I did studies in litterature, with further education in applied arts, then a diploma in visual communication, dabbling in advertising and editing. And 3 years later I did a course in Graphics Design and Motion Design. It was ultra, mega, giga. Like Hogwarts for people who like images. After that, I did a few months freelance work, all the while being a creative director on the side. And for the past year I've settled on a well know TV show where I make motion design." I'm not sure what the TV show is, though. 


What's your latest news? "A hurricane of projects, like crazy illustrations for a psych-pop music clip, Drak King photo portraits and an erotic fanzine that I have to supply willies to to." Hey, she's get on well with my friend Bénédicte, who did the Christmas illustration (she likes drawing willies, I don't know why. Paging Freud.) 

What does she enjoy in life? Any vices? "Wow, that's tough. Well, I can start by saying I like dinosaurs, chicken and drawing willies. They're all sure things. I'm very passionate about anything that can be considered kitsch. My living space is a temple dedicated to bad taste, it totally stimulates me when I'm working. My favourite object is a Queen Elizabeth II plate, her benevolant smile always revigorates me. A small vice amongst many: I always kiss my envelopes before posting them. It's a little ritual to help my mail get to its destination, and it works. And I listen to rubbish '90s music. Do you know Kajagoogoo? They make me go nuts! WOUHLOULOULOU !!!!"

I must interrupt this diatribe to point out that Kajagoogoo were at their most popular in the '80s, not the '90s. I know, I was there, I even have the 7-inch of their most famous song.

What about your everyday pleasures? "Insulting my computer, drinking coffee, letting loose some atomic farts under my duvet, as I'm single." Hmmmmm, I'm beginning to understand why the "single" part of that answer. Oh go on, I'm joking. 

So, how about artists you like? "Sarah Andersen, Hyperbole and a half, Georges Clooney by Philippe Valette, Michel F., Malec's blog… The list goes on, I spend over 3 hours a day on blogs (mea culpa)." Hey, Malec was here recently, and Philippe Valette should be on here soon, if he answers my desperate calls one day. 

Besides comics, what do like at the moment? "At the moment, I'm trying to upgrade my movie knowledge. Recently I saw A Town Called Panic, which made me totally crack up at least 4 times in an hour and a half. Musically, I've recently discovered Glam Rock. Ever since, I want to live dressed as Faster Pussycat all the time. As for books, I was recently given the His Dark Materials books and 3 weeks of my life just disappeared. READ THEM. TV Shows that I nominate are 30 Rock, The Mighty Boosh and Record of Lodoss War. Now I know the word which describes laughing and peeing at the same time!" I'm a huge fan of the The Mighty Boosh, so I can only agree with you, and if you've never seen the show, I suggest that you check out ASAP. Especially if you enjoy absurd, British humour.

That's all for this week. We can all go back to a normal existence. Well, if you can call it that. Don't forget to keep your head up high while walking down the street, be respectful to people from all walks of life, down let fear guide your actions and thoughts, and let freedom of speech be a tool for the greater good. And find out what it actually means, before you start writing in about moderated comments. People confuse freedom of speech with the freedom to pollute websites with their offensive brain diarrhea. No, it's not. Anyway, be excellent to each other, have fun this weekend and go safely.See you next week! 

As always, if you think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML, send us an email to contact@fmylife.com but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away

#1494 - Illustrated FML - On 01/09/2015 at 6:08am by Alan - 9 comments

Yohan's illustrated FML

It's here, it's 2015. Big whoop. I'm told that the start of a new year is the appropriate moment to reflect on the year gone bye and ask ourselves why we did what we did, all the while thinking about our station in life. Is everything panning out for you? Is the coming year seeming joyful and harmonious, or is it another series of shitty events that are getting ready to pile onto your schedule? On FML, we know that any time of the year is open season for crappy experiences of all kinds. Heartbreaks that stretch over months at a time, screaming kids in long train journeys that are taking us home from stressful family Christmas vacations, thumping your little toe against the corner of the coffee table for the 15th time this week, the cat chewing through the Walkman headphone's wires… OK, a new year can mean a new start, but… why does everyone get all excited about it? This week, we shine a spotlight on a particularly crap New Year's Eve, and due to the submissions we've received, many of you have suffered through some this year.

YOHAN'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"My greatest fear is to be 50 years old and realise I've let my life pass me by!"

Self-portrait Yohan by Yposs

 


Yohan is also know by the nickname Yposs. I won't tell you his name, but it's easy to find out with a little guesswork, his nickname and Google.

His info:
Age: 30
Location: Paris, France
BlogEt alors ?
His illustrated FML: The one with the best friend


This week, we're celebrating the new year. Happy new year to everyone by the way. Yes, I forgot to say it. It's a social misdemeanour these days. You HAVE to say it. It's already been mentioned in the article we posted around midnight on the 1st of January, but this time I'm saying it in a calm and non-drunk manner. But on the other hand, last year I wished a happy new year to a lot of people who went on to have really shitty years, so maybe I have a curse, and I should say the opposite, just to even things out. So, to all of you, may you have a crap new year, and may things suck big time! 

Yohan is a graphic designer. Another one in this column. I get a lot in these parts. He "appreciates the creative aspect of the profession." And he's quite creative, you just have to check out his blog to be convinced. How did he get to where he is today? "I went to a graphics design and webdesign school in Paris, and I've had loads of jobs, from server, salesman to real estate negotiator." And now? "For a while now I've come back to my first love which is comic books, so I'm working on large scale comic book project." His main project is this a comic, but we don't know anything more about it. We'll just have to check out his blog now and again. 

His hero is the famous french cartoon character Gaston Lagaffe. But what made him want to start drawing? "All the comic books that I read in my childhood, I wanted to transfer the sensation I felt through my own drawings." 

What does he like? Any hidden vices? Any dreams? "My dream would be to go to sea for several months, or more. On a sailboat, alone against the immensity around us. A sort of homecoming, back to our roots. But before I can do that, I draw to escape. I have too many vices to list." Aaah, the sea. I lived near the sea for almost two years, it was wonderful. Even in winter. Especially in winter, when all the tourists have cleared off back home. There's something poetic about watching waves crashing onto rocks while listening to the Vengaboys on a Walkman. I now live in a huge city, and it's magical too, but in a different way. One day, I'll return to the sea, to the solitary life, just me and the woman I love. 

So, what sort of things are you into at the moment? "Lately, I saw Enter the Void, the film is old-ish but it's really good. I recommend it." And how about artists that you appreciate and whose blogs you check out? "Franquin, Claude Serre, Boulet."

To play us out, how about a personal FML? "Today it's late and I can't buy any cigarettes anywhere. I go out into the street, hoping to bump into someone who I can bum a cigarette from to roll a joint. By chance, I run into someone, and I ask him. He was very friendly, and with a smile he asks me, "Is this to roll a joint?" I say yes, and it turns out that I was right near the police station and it was policeman taking a cigarette break. FML" Oh, bad bad bad luck. Some people will say that you deserve it for smoking in the first place, but those sorts of people are as annoying as the people who smoke in public places where they shouldn't. Get off your high horses.

That's it for this week. We can go back to resting after the festive season. I don't know about you but next year, I'm getting a package deal with a plane ticket to a all-inclusive hotel in the sun, far far away. No more stress inducing family get togethers. No more waiting til midnight to jump up and down. Anyway, here's a picture which could metaphorically represent all of us going back to work, and a song by Gravenhurst to chill out to, which also doubles as an RIP because the guy sadly died recently. Next week, we'll be continuing the "Welcoming in the New Year" theme with another illustration along the same lines, a sort of "two for the price of one" deal. Happy New Year, and as always, be excellent to each other.

As always, if you think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML, send us an email to contact@fmylife.com but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away

#1493 - Illustrated FML - On 01/02/2015 at 11:27am by Alan - 9 comments

FML's Message for 2015

WE'VE HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK HERE AT FML SO WE'VE NOT GOT AN ARTICLE TO SHOW YOU
SORRY WE'LL DO BETTER NEXT TIME

 

WE ARE STILAT THE PARTY SORRY HELLO IT'S CHAMPAGNE TIME BYE!

 

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! DONT WORRY DAD, WE'LL TIDY THE HOUSE!!!!


 
#1490 - About FMyLife - On 12/31/2014 at 5:51am by FML - 70 comments

FML's post-Christmas debriefing

Thank tinselled-Christ that that's finished! Christmas 2014 is finally over. We can finally stop grumbling about the endless songs about snow, put the presents away in a closet (or a dumpster) and start to digest the huge amounts of processed food that grandma has been force-feeding us. So, how was it for you? People on TV have post-match debates; here on FML we thought we'd have a post-Christmas debriefing, due to the anticlimax a lot of people feel, but are afraid to express out loud for fear of seeming ungrateful. Unless you're a teenager whining that you didn't get the iPhone 6, and telling every social network you can get your ungrateful mitts on that you now hate your parents and that you want to die in a sea of tears, you can tell us all about it on FML. Little kids certainly don't hold back.

Today, my five-year-old son wants to send a complaint letter to Santa, whom he claims left him presents, "so bad that even you dad wouldn't have done this to me." FML

Yes, the age-old present problem. Buying presents is a nightmare. Receving presents gives you nightmares.

Today, my mother-in-law purchased matching Christmas presents for myself and my sister-in-law to open together in front of everyone. Guess who are now the proud owners of matching metal tampon cases. FML

We've all struggled to buy presents for people, and we've all struggled this year too. Despite the internet making it much easier to order stuff in November, you still have to think about who you're buying things for, estimating the risk/cost ratio. What, you don't believe there's a risk involved? Some people go to extremes to avoid having to go through the rigmarole of buying a Christmas present.

Today, I've been considering breaking up with my girlfriend so I don't have to buy her a Christmas present. FML

OK, we don't know whether this last case was more due to the cost, or the risk side. But it's still risky, buying something shitty for someone who previously respected you. You lose that respect just once, and it's gone. The next year, they're giving you something that'll shit all over your apartment and life.

Today, my mother gave me a Christmas present for the first time in 15 years: a dog. Her 16-year-old, untrained, mean dog who wears diapers. FML

Remember, a dog isn't just for Christmas Day. You've got to keep some leftovers for sandwiches the next day. Badum tish. Some people are forced to spend Christmas alone. Some are forced to spend Christmas with other people. Both sides of the coin are equally tretcherous.

Today, I spent the day crying, and ate McDonald's for my Christmas dinner. FML

The trouble with an FML like that is the lack of details. Is this person alone because family and friends are far away, and/or are down on their luck? Or are they alone because they're a total twunt that everyone hates and they actually deserve to be alone in a MickeyD's, crying? No follow-up to this story, so we'll probably never know. On the other hand, another circle of hell could be described as:

Today, I attended my extended family's Christmas dinner. All throughout, my grandmother kept complaining about how the food tasted like crap, and making sexual remarks such as how, "the stuffings were far better in my day, if you know what I mean." FML

No thanks. Luckily, most of us are somewhere in-between. Decent presents, well-meaning relatives, but somewhere along the line, Murphy's Law appears.

Today, my uncle got me a debit card and put one thousand dollars on it for my Christmas present. However, he forgot to activate the card. The receipt with the 14 digit activation code is in the garbage in Colorado. FML

Yes, I know, he got given a thousand bucks. A lot of misguided people will say, "But that's not an FML, his uncle is rich, yadda yadda yadda." Don't do that. You're missing the point of FML entirely when you do that. The point is not to score points in the "My life is worse than yours" contest. The stories are about facepalms, WTFs, headdesks and the things in life that suck. Christmas doesn't suck. And yet it does. The best thing about Christmas (besides "Last Christmas" by Wham! and Billy Idol doing "Jingle Bell Rock") is the warm, fuzzy feeling you get from all the family getting together. Or is it?

Today, my mother confronted me about my bird's masturbation problem. We spent Christmas Eve Googling "bird masturbating" and watching videos to see if that was actually what my bird was doing. At least he's having a good Christmas. FML

OK, that's not really a family atmosphere. This is closer to home, with a warmer feel than a randy Christmas parrot:

Today, I waited anxiously until midnight to open my Christmas presents. As the clock struck midnight, I ran out into the living room, super-excited to open them, only to discover that everyone in the house had already opened theirs and had all gone to bed. FML

So, a lot of disappointed/embarrassed/angry/sexy people over the years. We've been going almost 6 years now (our birthday is coming up, get us some presents please), so we've had quite a few Christmas stories. But we want more, so feel free to use the comments section to expand on your Christmas. How was it? Pretend this is a self-help group for the post-Christmas comedown.

We've got New Year's Eve to look forward to now. Shudder.

 

#1491 - About FMyLife - On 12/26/2014 at 10:13am by Alan - 49 comments


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