Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML
Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML
Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML
Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend felt the need to ask me if I could get my ladder and clean the ceiling, because it looked dusty with a spiderweb in the corner. I didn’t realise I was so boring in bed that she had the time to examine the ceiling and plan my chore list. FML
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Top comments
MoMonster 0
spiders are quite sexy. eight legs for MAXIMUM pleasure. xD
schwiggidy 0
you were masturbating UNDER a spider
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Comments (160)
im_awsome 2
lol ewwlk spiders :
psychochick29 0
I think you've had one too many collagen injections there girly.
Danniiboii22 0
win :)
MissLizWolf 8
whoa! big lips!
im_awsome 2
Mmh yur wrong , I was born that way.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
god gave you to much collagen then
whatyotalkinbout 0
mhm mhhhmmn
mamamiaaa_fml 12
I think don't guys like big lips. erm yeah. and uhh I hate spiders always have to call somebody to take them outside.
Marcelb 17
actually, i think there are lots of guys who do. i for one am one of them :)
kellykerplunkksl 0
gotta have some good dsl
biggmike 6
The main thing is, she's a butt'er face with DSLs.
RedPillSucks 31
She looks fine to me. You're just an asshole.
tttiffany 0
Danniiboii22 shouldn't be one to speak... & they're not 'ew', they're pretty damn sexy. you can't tell me you've never gotten off to an eight legged sex freak. it's true. they're sex freaks..look it up. no joke.
alexFYL 11
There's a kind of spider that is going endangered because of its poor sex practices. When mating, the male will stab the females abdomen and inject her with semen. Well, these spiders are so fail and evolution that they essentially gang-rape the female, stab her multiple times in the abdomen and she usually dies.
Judus_beej 0
38 and 51 are twins!
iamsexxychick9 0
tttiffany i don't think danniiboii is bad at all. kinda cute actually. I think everybody just needs to lay off everybody elses shit and chill. make love not war!!! xoxo
Mubus 0
sorry 1 but you are f'ulgy.
AjaxF 0
117 why are "you" sorry? I think she know it, you're just putting out there. . she is ugly, but I'd let her suck my dick with those lips!
im_awsome 2
##117 Yu can't say a word cuz there is noone in this post uglier that Yu. and for the others that is sayin bs . i d r g f (: I'm the way I am and I love it .
theycallmeMimi 0
I agree with 120's name. From what she says, she's awesome. :)
Mierda2k 1
awesome yes. but I mean awesomely big.
whosechairisthat 0
i like ur picture
drewgreenan 0
kinky,
MoMonster 0
spiders are quite sexy. eight legs for MAXIMUM pleasure. xD
mrmerino 0
oh god YES!! >:)
iSitt 0
and so a new genre of anime is born.
jh_o_mighty 0
haha so true
lovinj 2
damn! i have a serious fear of spiders but thats just ******* hot!
THEMTCHELL 0
I prefer beatles..
FYLDeep 25
There aren't too many beatles alive still for you to pleaure yourself over anymore.
Xythenol 6
Only two left. AND THEY'RE OLD, MM'KAY? ...but younger Paul and Rings, I'd take 'em any day ;3
afalcons97 0
CHUCK NORRIS
klimpomppp 9
Funny, i prefer babies...
schwancy 2
Unless the spider was turning you on I don't think you should worry too much.
schwiggidy 0
I like your name.
flodezie 0
dang girl, ur gorgeous!!
supremetoast58 0
omg
whosechairisthat 0
i ****** ur mom
ShesElusive 0
Hahahaha what's next a mosquito?
sappy0 5
lmao!!
mattbeverly 0
well it would suck real well ;)
unidentified_sta 5
Eugh, you fap in your bed/bedroom...
sheenie942 3
where do u fap?
LFAM_fml 0
i fap, anywhere. that i can clean up easily..
guckylynn 19
Except OP is a girl.
Hayman68 4
and girls don't fap, they finger
Raw_Gamer 0
I think they still make the sane sound on how hard or fast you go at it but I would not know for sure lol.
milky953 0
73# your fat 84# to true and rub
TheApocalypse 5
73's fat what? It's you're, not your.
schwiggidy 0
you were masturbating UNDER a spider
takeapieandrun 9
I masturbated to the spiders in Minecraft.
dre_bro11 12
#34 facepalm
Jizwold 0
34 is a badass
darkblitz_fml 0
tsssssssss... the sound of armless green ******.
loveanthony645 5
I wonder if she had her mouth open when she orgasmed and the spider fell in...
Doortje 29
Be careful, or you'll be a black widow yourself some day.
jewban 3
nice pun lolz
maybaybe 0
HAHAHAHAHAH
grumpypanda117 0
dayum.
Anextase 0
Please use your own picture.
shanie123 10
lol weird