Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML
Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML
Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML
Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend felt the need to ask me if I could get my ladder and clean the ceiling, because it looked dusty with a spiderweb in the corner. I didn’t realise I was so boring in bed that she had the time to examine the ceiling and plan my chore list. FML
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Top comments
MoMonster 0
spiders are quite sexy. eight legs for MAXIMUM pleasure. xD
schwiggidy 0
you were masturbating UNDER a spider
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Comments (160)
ThoraxeTheImpale_fml 0
ah, she likey the hairy legs!
xJaypex 0
In Russia, spider pleasures you!!!
bibobobonnor 8
that one is getting very old #30
mredgecrusher 0
#30. You mean "in Soviet Russia the spider pleasures itself to you. "
xStiina 0
hahahaha.
tttiffany 0
I ********** to spiders all the time.
emodude44 0
8 Long Sexy Legs... mmmm... kinky...
hkgirl89 8
ewwwwwwww lol
quadder 0
spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can
lulzaroonie 0
that spider was watching yoooou
bubblej614 0
like a spiderman spider or like a kill with my shoe spider.... lol jk
ObeseSnail 0
lmfu..that's sad
aadk 0
lmfu??
nephilim241 19
I can just imagine the spider's submission: "today, I was hanging out on the ceiling minding my own business, a human was on her bed beneath me pleasuring herself. She stared at me while she finished FML"
valri3 0
Lmao