Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML
Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML
Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML
Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend felt the need to ask me if I could get my ladder and clean the ceiling, because it looked dusty with a spiderweb in the corner. I didn’t realise I was so boring in bed that she had the time to examine the ceiling and plan my chore list. FML
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Top comments
MoMonster 0
spiders are quite sexy. eight legs for MAXIMUM pleasure. xD
schwiggidy 0
you were masturbating UNDER a spider
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Comments (160)
turturkeykey 0
The itsy bitsy spider...
Xythenol 6
Went up the OP's spout...
krdel 0
Down came the "rain" which washed the spider out...
Danniiboii22 0
up came the sponge and dryer the pussy out lol
Hayman68 4
c-c-c-combo breaker
turturkeykey 0
No, I think Dani dude broke the chain...
Doortje 29
Oh, and I'm curious: did you still climax after you realized?
Xythenol 6
Y'know, most people are afraid of spiders, not turned on by them... I'd pick phobia over philia any day, when it comes to bugs ._.;
chelle_starlight 0
could have been worse...it could have been over a cockroach or the bedbugs under you...
FYLDeep 25
Careful, keep this up and your crabs might think that you're a two-timing ****.
dramaa 0
bahaha
MEGAMANX622 0
dayum thats fked up yet so true!
AlejandroR 0
sin much?
ThoraxeTheImpale_fml 0
masturbation, in fact, is not a sin. it says no where in the bible, commandments, or in religion books, that it's a sin.I've gone to a catholic school for a long time and even the preist didn't want us to tell him if we ********** because it is NOT a sin. but me, I prefer to not take part in religion anymore.
CiaranPM 0
Who gives a shit, #24?
ashrandom 0
I do #64
RedPillSucks 31
Don't take any shit from him!
thirdtesticle 0
idiotic Jesus freaks make me sad.
BabesYourAStar 0
did the spider have nice legs ;)?
juliaaalove 8
ahhah! amen(:
staceystar15 0
how the he'll could you ********** with a spider near you, I would stop right away and freak the eff out!
knoll4007 3
Or maybe, the spider thought it would warm to cuddle in those pubes(:
c0c0_fml 16
seems like even ur own hand is rejecting u.. quite desperate ...