Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML
Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in Poison Ivy. FML
Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchiness popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML
Today, when I went to the bathroom, I found an earwig in my underpants. Yes, it was alive. FML
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
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Top comments
zebraumicornz 6
No f the spiders life for being an asswipe! Haha....no.......ok...
JustKittyKat 24
I hope it didn't bite you in any intimate areas! D: I've gotten ant bites in bad places from sitting on the sidewalk near grass one time. You can't scratch that anywhere!
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Comments (111)
jujubunni5 9
You're lucky it was only a spider. Next time it could be A level 13 mudkip
Ryan_Jaxson 8
THAT WOULD BE AWESOME! Finding a Mudkip in the wild is like...impossible?!
peachy36 3
What in the world is a mudkip?!
Kai132 7
So i heard you like mudkips?
jujubunni5 9
Oh yes. I was waiting for that (; thank you
jujubunni5 9
I was waiting for that!
BatteryAddict 11
Murder all the effin' spiders!
Welshite 40
^ lol
ebonyirony 29
so piss everywhere.
BatteryAddict 11
42 - Yes, and now there is one less to worry about.
iiDangerCloseBK 6
I would lose my shit if that happened to me.
samasara 20
Me too. I would be super paranoid.
Tuffay 14
Me too... I hate getting squished to death by Ass Cheeks!
xNephilim 19
I don't know if it's because I'm exhausted, but this comment was seriously funny to me. Lose my shit... Being squished by ass cheeks... You know... Yeah, goodnight folks.
KiddNYC1O 22
I lose my shit everyday, thank goodness.
0RedPenguin0 8
Is it that hard to wait a few minutes to pee? >.
TaffyMichele 9
What if OP had a really long walk home, and was nowhere near her house yet? And what if it was nighttime, so even if she passed by any stores on her way home they would be closed?
lemonademixer 7
True that.
MaydayParade1476 14
OP's name.
Welshite 40
Now you've had your first introduction to crushing things using your butt muscles. Next goal: beer cans.
booboohoney 12
Squat and Drip drying never ends well... Wait until you are at a toilet!!
rott3n 6
Pressed ham spider.
oomph_fml 25
Poor spider had to die surrounded by the smell of your arse.
Fluffy801 2
Well OP is Spiderwoman....