Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
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By
zebraumicornz
| 6
No f the spiders life for being an asswipe! Haha....no.......ok...
Reply
preps87
| 0
No it's ok! That wasn't bad!
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samasara
| 20
Haha.....yes.....okay.
Just kidding. No.
Just kidding. No.
Reply
Thelnternet
| 7
and here we can see a common species of a "Thumbs Up Whore" where the creature ends their comment with phrases such as "Haha... No... Okay I'll go now..." in an attempt to get good ratings[/s]
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RaggleFrock
| 13
61 I read that in David Attenboroughs voice. Bravo.
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DKjazz
| 20
The firetruck is a solitary killer. The ambulances will have to wait their turn.
Reply
Potato_Pi
| 7
You shouldn't go into the tall grass alone, wild Pokemon can jump out at you
Reply
zebraumicornz
| 6
61- I wasn't trying to be a "thumbs up whore" I didn't think it was that funny and didn't want to offend anybody.
Reply
lemonademixer
| 7
wtf?
Reply
niftyhasdelulz
| 12
Classy
By
ILoveZombieBoys
| 13
Oh dear god
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blcksocks
| 19
You're either having an orgasm or just wanted to be the first one to comment
Reply
iOceanus
| 18
Wait, who says, "Oh, dear God!" when they orgasm?
Reply
heygirlie777
| 21
22- a firstgasm, you mean?
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a_commenter
| 3
21- someone who's been reading too much 50 shades of grey
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MalloryKnox
| 8
For a second there I thought 43's comment said "FISTgasm." Yikes.
Reply
boarderlyne17
| 8
56 - Thanks for making me clench involuntarily. :/
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HouseElf
| 13
Perhaps clenching was exactly what OP did....
By
beef25967
| 2
Is that some sort of weird fetish?
Reply
zingline89
| 18
Girl: Hey hunny, I'm kinda bored with our sex life. What do you say we spice it up a bit?
Guy: *excited* Okay!! What are ya thinkin?!?
Girl: Well, Im thinking you strip me naked, tie me face down on the bed...
Guy: Yeah!?!?!!!???
Girl: Then shove a spider up my butt
Guy: .....wtf....
Guy: *excited* Okay!! What are ya thinkin?!?
Girl: Well, Im thinking you strip me naked, tie me face down on the bed...
Guy: Yeah!?!?!!!???
Girl: Then shove a spider up my butt
Guy: .....wtf....
Reply
misspulkadot24
| 17
Yep. Nothing turns me on more than an insect up my arse!
Reply
llamafish
| 25
Arachnid*, spiders are not insects.
Reply
zingline89
| 18
Is a llamafish an insect?
Reply
JJJJJakkkkeee
| 6
Is mayonnaise an instrument?
Reply
SqueakyChipmunk
| 20
No, Jake.
Mayonnaise is not a instrument.
Neither is a MacBook.
*glares at Skrillex*
Mayonnaise is not a instrument.
Neither is a MacBook.
*glares at Skrillex*
Reply
Crlnprz
| 11
Silly Skrillex
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onlychildFTW
| 33
This isn't a fetish. How would you even think that?
Reply
_krystallynn_
| 11
sarcasm, it must be a new concept to you...
Reply
kennaem1
| 11
No Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument!
Reply
onlychildFTW
| 33
That was some bad sarcasm.
By
JustKittyKat
| 24
I hope it didn't bite you in any intimate areas! D:
I've gotten ant bites in bad places from sitting on the sidewalk near grass one time. You can't scratch that anywhere!
I've gotten ant bites in bad places from sitting on the sidewalk near grass one time. You can't scratch that anywhere!
By
gc327072
| 29
At least it wasn't an asscricket, eh?
Reply
Srs_business
| 7
*chirp chirp* Sorry to crush your hopes.
By
1Brucie
| 2
It's what he would have wanted.
Reply
LolPieRofl
| 11
Yes yes it was...
By
RoBi1475
| 0
Don't go into the long grass!!!!!!
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Krajjan
| 9
Clever girl...
Reply
a_commenter
| 3
The wild spider used pants attack! It was super effective! OP fainted!
Reply
spiritfang11237
| 16
Should've brought her pokemon.
Reply
trellz17
| 19
Jurassic Park? Nice.
By
kotana191
| 8
I think the spider had it worse than you did, OP
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KMtheDrummer
| 6
Squished to death by ass cheeks... Yeah FHL
By
DohIMissed
| 6
I hope it was not a black widow or something.
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kman8599
| 8
If it was, she just reunited in spidey heaven with her departed. Rest in peace good buddy, rest in peace.
By
emeraldisle
| 30
And this is why I don't do my business outside.
Reply
samasara
| 20
But... Of course you do... Your a cat...
Unless your a house cat! ... Which most are..
Okay. I'm stupid. Bye.
Unless your a house cat! ... Which most are..
Okay. I'm stupid. Bye.
Reply
emeraldisle
| 30
*you're
Reply
samasara
| 20
Your best comeback is correcting me... :0 hahah
I've gotten ant bites in bad places from sitting on the sidewalk near grass one time. You can't scratch that anywhere!