Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML
Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in Poison Ivy. FML
Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchiness popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML
Today, when I went to the bathroom, I found an earwig in my underpants. Yes, it was alive. FML
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
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Top comments
zebraumicornz 6
No f the spiders life for being an asswipe! Haha....no.......ok...
JustKittyKat 24
I hope it didn't bite you in any intimate areas! D: I've gotten ant bites in bad places from sitting on the sidewalk near grass one time. You can't scratch that anywhere!
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Comments (111)
loohoozuuhuur 13
Be glad it wasn't a spiderpig.
xXMeganasaurusXx 1
Better than poison ivy
Samba1234 13
you're a girl right? cause if you aren't, how did you get a spider up your butt?? O.o
BananerzFresh 12
ewww....just ewww
Kog_Hiro 17
A wild Spinarak appears. Lady used slam. It was super effective.
floup_fml 13
you are lucky that it wasn't a small snake in your underwear instead of a spider. I wonder if you could crush it too before it finds a good place to hide..
fail_gurl21 7
hopefully its not poisonous :/
hope_is_key1994 0
Thanks for that. Now I know not to pee outside. Ugh spiders
chacalaca88 2
Wow something crawled up your ass and died!
razbery_nerd 4
... Why didn't you just wait until you got home instead of violating the talk grass..?