Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML
Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in Poison Ivy. FML
Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchiness popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML
Today, when I went to the bathroom, I found an earwig in my underpants. Yes, it was alive. FML
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
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Top comments
zebraumicornz 6
No f the spiders life for being an asswipe! Haha....no.......ok...
JustKittyKat 24
I hope it didn't bite you in any intimate areas! D: I've gotten ant bites in bad places from sitting on the sidewalk near grass one time. You can't scratch that anywhere!
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Comments (111)
likeatoysoldier1 2
sex offender!
calliefornia2 3
At least it was dead....
zionjuggernext 3
One of two reasons its dead one you're ass stinks and two your buns of steel workout video is working for you.
Miltonius 15
No amount of showers will ever be enough.
kawaiichick 9
Wasn't a radioactive spider now was it?
jujugoboom 4
How the hell do you get a spider in your ass while taking a piss?
MlleMC_fml 19
OP is a woman, so she has to pull down her pants and crouch to pee...
CharresBarkrey 16
Girls have to sit down to pee, you know.
desertlovebird 11
That just gave me the willies. Feeling so sorry for you OP.Now makes me think twice before dropping my drawers in the bushes.
doodlecloud 27
Didn't you learn as a kid to pee BEFORE you leave the house so you don't get caught out half way through the journey? It's good that you apparently picked a more 'suitable' spot but I still think public urination is just so gross...
UnjustifiedClaim 15
I could swear she was going to say she found a wild pokémon...
lemonademixer 7
what is up with you people and pokemon
DisappearingRose 18
Hey, at least it's dead.