Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML
Today, my boyfriend dislocated my jaw by sitting on my face while trying to fart on it. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML
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Top comments
mikeydakid59 0
FEED THE SHARK!
gregoriit 4
i would say you life sucks, but no sucking seems to be going on, so am not sure what to press. =(
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Comments (324)
Taciturnbadger 0
...and yet you felt the need to relive this forever by publishing it on the internet. Ydi for a.) Publishing retarded crap and b.) having a boyfriend who gives you said retarded crap to post. No sympathy here.
I_R_Genius 3
You must be new here. Please follow these guides if you want to continue on this site. 1) Learn sarcasm and learn it good. 2) Learn to have a sense of humor. 3) Don't troll on the site, no one likes a troll.
laurbear12 3
get it girl haha
buoe03 0
haha definitely gonna try that one
CartoonZack 3
I can see him posting this on My Life Is Awesome
mightymart 5
your boyfriend sounds very intelligent...
I_R_Genius 3
Apparently people don't have a sense of humor anymore. *sigh, epic facepalm."
bossybella 0
he should have hummed POKER FACE- by lady gaga haha
hansbans11 0
I agree with 124. You gotta give to receive,
jaramia20 5
ROFLMFAO !!!!!!
headbanger08 0
apparently your vag smells like fish for the shark to be on the hunt ^_^