Online life

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

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Mix and match

QAnon weirdoes

Facts over feelings

By XxJennJennXxX - United States

Today, I got fired. My coworker decided to imitate my voice, stand outside of my boss's office door, and say insulting things about his daughter. FML

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36802

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By JazzSpazz - United States

Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. Depressed, I changed my Facebook status to, "Hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends, including my mom, liked this. FML

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51821

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By Mel - France - Toulouse

Today, I went to a group gym lesson. While working on our abs, the coach came through, touching our stomachs to check we were doing the exercises correctly. When he got to me, he asked, "How many kids have you got then?" I'm 22, and I've got none. FML

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25164

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By Anonymous - United States - Pocatello

Today, I approached a cute girl at a club, when she started barking at me like a rabid dog. Thinking she might be mentally unhinged, I left, only to see the same girl laughing her ass off with her friends minutes later. When I went back over, her friends started barking at me too. FML

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29618

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By vanessa560 - Canada

Today, my dog started limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up and carried her home. Once we arrived, I put her down, at which point she ran around and played as if nothing had happened. I fell for my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. FML

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32997

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By High school senior

Today, I spent the first day of my senior year in the ER because my new ear piercing got so infected that the doctors had to cut the earring out. FML

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2648

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890

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By danmarino - United States

Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled, "What's a clit?" Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39679

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By anashaalmajiid - United States

Today, my dad and a construction worker were having a long talk. I heard the door slam, and assumed that this worker had left. So I yelled out "Hey dad what were you talking about? Did you talk slowly so the idiot could understand?" Turns out my dad was the one who had walked out. FML

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7864

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By Soundofaboner - United States

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

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76267

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By jonnie - 7/5/2020 02:00

Hi mom!

Today, I learned Google Assistant and Google Home work harmoniously together if I blabber on without ending a command, like when sending a text to my mom about canceling dinner plans because I’m fake sick and going to hook up with this guy, it’ll send every word. My mistake & lesson learned. FML

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469

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2016

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By cantfallbackasleep - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was called a ruthless bitch for not waking up early to search for my car keys, so my boyfriend could go get his pipe and get high before work. FML

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23622

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By wow, thanks - United States - Seattle

Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML

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29830

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By Mia - United States - Laurel

Today, I was mistaken for my twin brother twice. This probably wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a girl. FML

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49879

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my co-worker and I played a game where we give each other the bird in whatever creative manner we could come up with. Deciding to be sneaky, I hid behind a wall with my middle finger up as I heard him walking into the office. It was my boss. FML

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18142

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom

Pants on fire

Today, I was told by my sister over the dinner table that some guy is telling people I’ve had sex with him; that’s not even the worst part. He’s telling people my sister walked in. One, I haven’t talked to him in years; two, he’s really not my type, three, I’m in a relationship. FML

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933

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, we got my dad an iPad for his birthday. I had to repeatedly reassure him that he could in fact touch the screen without being shocked. FML

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41478

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4012

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By peacock_mina19 - United States

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

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88777

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27075

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By bruh_im18 - United States - Metairie

Today, I found out the 28-year-old I am dating is actually 48. FML

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12927

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2546

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By Imdead

Today, we're taking the plane home from Dublin after a school trip that I only barely got onto after troubles with my passport. Luckily for me, a kind person has decided to save me from the passport this evening - together with the rest of my wallet. I'm stuck. FML

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2572

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214

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By butterfingers - United States - New Wilmington

Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML

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47192

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17949

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By steph - United States

Cropped Out

Today, my cousins cropped me out of a picture of all 6 of us at a wedding, then captioned it, "We have such a good-looking family!" FML

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3803

You deserved it

253

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By captain patch beard

RIP Beard

Today, I met a girl at a bar, we had a few drinks and really hit it off. We headed back to my place to get a little action. As she was riding me, she got rougher and rougher until she reached down and yanked a patch of hair right out of my beard. I yelped in pain and didn’t even finish. FML

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1887

You deserved it

383

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By guitar_chick7 - Australia

Today, I said something in class and someone mimicked me. In a self-pitying mood, I exclaimed, "Everybody hates me!" The girl behind me then said, "Pretty much." FML

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22473

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, my teacher told the class that we had better like the people at our table because we would all be working together for the final group assessment. Everyone looked at me, stood up, and moved. FML

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49789

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By Mom of 3

Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping... or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2825

You deserved it

390

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By bastard magnet - United States

Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29954

You deserved it

7921

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By elmalo68 - United States

Today, I must find a gentle way to tell my 71-year-old mother that she's too old to be wearing shirts that expose her belly. FML

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43181

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By Spoilicious - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was reading a book in public. Some bastard stranger came over and started spoiling the plot for me. FML

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29009

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a telemarketer called me and asked if they could speak to my "mommy or daddy". I am 25 years old. FML

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27336

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2772

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By woahheylex - United States

Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML

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36578

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5329

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By wtf?? - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines

Today, my bed fell through my floor. With me on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37679

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3581

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By Malcolm654 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years in front of the sell-out crowd at the baseball game, but at the security checkpoint, the security guard made me take the ring out and open it after I walked through the metal detector. No need to say it, worst proposal ever. FML

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14858

You deserved it

1841

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By neverforgetyourphone - Canada - Barrie

Today, I got into an accident. As I was talking to a police officer about what happened, the tow truck driver managed to take my car and drive away, leaving me with no phone or wallet. I just spent an hour walking home in a hail storm. FML

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32219

You deserved it

2904

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By Jim - United States

Today, my friends told me that they couldn't make it to my birthday dinner unless I changed the time, because I'd made dinner reservations that would clash with the new episode of Jersey Shore. FML

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40579

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9039

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, the prizes were given to the employee of the month. They come in to surprise the winner and give prizes. They come over to my cubicle and cover me with silly string. Jokingly, I said: "Do you guys have the wrong cubicle? " They did. The guy in the next cubicle won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55412

You deserved it

6692

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, on our first holiday together, my boyfriend decided to spend his time reminiscing about having come here once with his ex. He then decided to go type up an email to her about it. FML

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27091

You deserved it

2191

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By Anonymous - United States - Yucaipa

Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21108

You deserved it

4249

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By Diffy - United States - Woburn

Today, as I was crossing an intersection, a car ran a red light and almost hit me. This kind of thing happens a lot in my town so I'm used to almost being run-down, except this time it was a small boy on his father's lap steering. The dad was laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31224

You deserved it

2155

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By NoValentine - United States

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35519

You deserved it

3097

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By reality_stricken - Guam

Today, I told my boyfriend I was afraid he would no longer love me when he returned from basic training. Hoping he would reassure me his feelings wouldn't change and we'd still be together, he replied instead, "Shit happens." FML

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Top comments

By Ashamed_Sister | 60

#7876805 - Friday 24 January 2020 19:58

It's still better than dating a 14-year-old boy online and finding out he's an FBI agent.

By Hangryko | 17

#7876793 - Friday 24 January 2020 18:06

Originally posted by Iman on 4/5/2009 from the United States.

COMMENTS

By Hangryko | 17

#7876793 - Friday 24 January 2020 18:06

Originally posted by Iman on 4/5/2009 from the United States.

By Ashamed_Sister | 60

#7876805 - Friday 24 January 2020 19:58

It's still better than dating a 14-year-old boy online and finding out he's an FBI agent.

kfchicken_fml | 28

#7876850 - Friday 24 January 2020 23:32

🤔 touché

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7876836 - Friday 24 January 2020 22:06

It's better than finding out that "she's" a 55-yo gay male....

kfchicken_fml | 28

#7876851 - Friday 24 January 2020 23:34

arguable. Being caught doing that with a minor even if it's a catfish might have you wishing he was 55

By RichardPencil | 30

#7876857 - Saturday 25 January 2020 0:19

So, did you dump him or switch it up and become a gay pedophile?

We gotta know!

By Nico Noppe | 6

#7876865 - Saturday 25 January 2020 2:17

Didn't we already establish in the late nineties that there are no women on the internet?

Brightside86 | 23

#7877283 - Sunday 26 January 2020 21:03

GIRL= Guy In Real Life

By shannon2348 | 14

#7876882 - Saturday 25 January 2020 6:39

I still don't get how you can be "dating " anyone you have never met. ydi

By WistayShlaio82 | 13

#7876894 - Saturday 25 January 2020 8:19

That’s like some “Crying game” meets “Lord of the flies” type stuff

By manb91gb | 14

#7876942 - Saturday 25 January 2020 11:20

Okay I know this one is a repost. mods.... Please stop

By Richard Luna | 1

#7877031 - Saturday 25 January 2020 20:33

That’s not dating if you have never met the person

By J15237 | 23

#7877949 - Wednesday 29 January 2020 3:33

Just what the fuck?