By - 24/1/2020 18:00

Online life

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

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Dangling modifier

Dog whisperer

Great quality control

By NotThatButton - United States - Missoula

Today, I accidentally deleted my landlord's pictures of his child's graduation, girlfriend, daughter and vacation when he asked me to delete a video off his phone. FML

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By almost broke - Czech Republic - Brno

Today, because my fiancé is criminally incompetent at budgeting, I'm now having to pay the first installment for my own wedding ring. FML

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21449

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By hannieannie - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

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By Drunkard - United States - Tracy

Today, my boyfriend gave me grief about my drinking. This would be fine, if he were sober. FML

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6033

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776

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me all about how his parents sat him down last night and had a 20 minute talk with him about how I'm the biggest mistake he'll ever make. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up to what I thought was my 9 month old son breastfeeding. It was my boyfriend. According to him, he wanted to experience what his mother never gave him as a kid. FML

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By E - United States

Today, while driving my kids to school, my son said, "Why don't you find another place to live, so we can just live with daddy?" Then my daughter added, "Yeah, 'cause we LOVE Daddy." FML

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By Anon - United States - Pasco

Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML

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By esoog - United States

Today, I woke up in a panic to what sounded like a plane about to crash into my house. I was so scared, I peed myself and passed out. It was just my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. FML

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By TeamVomit

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to surprise him and caught him with another girl. As my boyfriend got up to explain himself, I, in a state of shock, violently threw up on him (and partially her). His mum had let me in the house. At least I know whose side she's on. FML

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By annonymous - France

Today, I went skinny dipping with a few friends at my friend's house. It was really fun until one of my friends shrieked, saying there were bugs in the pool. Everyone jumped out and looked at her. Turns out the "bugs" she saw was my body hair. FML

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25783

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By wiifantcso - United States - Sturtevant

Today, my sister was upset because she felt like no one liked her. Without thinking, I replied, "It's okay. If I acted like you, people would probably hate me, too." This sounded sympathetic in my head. FML

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By Ahlph

Today, I made it my life goal to own a towel heater. FML

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11081

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By Anonymous - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and started waving paper in my face, and I snapped at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realised she was returning something that fell out of my pocket. She looked terrified. FML

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9085

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35137

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By cargaljen - United States

Today, my husband sweetly asked me, "You know what I'd really like to do if I had an extra $4,000?" Expecting a romantic answer, I asked what. He said, "I'd get you a tummy tuck." He still can't figure out what he said wrong. FML

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26749

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By Ali (New York) - United States

Today, I dislocated my collarbone while trying remove my bra without taking off my shirt. FML

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By soccerbuddyz - United States

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

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59903

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By nicegirl08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me for my birthday. Over dinner he handed me a blank card that had the words "I love you" hastily written on it. When the waiter came to take our order he informed him that we'd be paying separately. Happy Birthday. FML

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By candy - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I greeted my boss with, "Looking good, did you lose weight?" He responded that no, he'd just purchased larger pants. FML

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By Dog_Lover - Canada - Montreal

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

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35625

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By hey-ooo - United States

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends when I suddenly passed out due to my hypoglycemia. When I woke up, I discovered that I was still in the same spot and my friends had abandoned me to go to class. Also, my stuff was stolen. FML

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46692

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By anon - Israel

Today, it's my birthday. Out of loneliness, I went to order some flowers and a cake "for a friend". The guy who delivered it to my house was the same guy from the counter. FML

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35872

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2019 01:00 - Ukraine - Kiev

Live chat

Today, I found the girlfriend of my best friend on a webcam site. I then told him that and his only response was, "Yeah, I know, that's where we met." FML

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By tryingtostealmyheart

Today, a total stranger asked me to marry him while we were waiting for the bus. I turned him down. He then pulled a knife on me, grabbed my purse and ran. FML

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24049

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By Anonymous

Today, workers came to my house to fix residual moisture damage in my walls left behind by Hurricane Irma. Said workers then burst a water pipe and flooded my entire apartment in the time it took figure out how to turn it off. FML

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3490

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By mother to an ugly doll - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my car window got smashed, because someone somehow confused the doll my daughter always leaves strapped into a carseat for an actual kid. It's a cabbage patch kid. FML

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51623

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By no - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the third time this week, a random person in the street walked up to me and told me how much I look like Grumpy Cat. FML

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39745

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By bwoolf96

Today, in the early hours of the morning, I woke up in sleep paralysis, hallucinating the sight of children hanging from the ceiling. Now I'm scared to sleep. FML

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27834

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1848

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By Anonymous - Finland - Nykarleby

Today, I was diagnosed with strep throat. My mom wasted no time accusing me of whoring around and claiming that most people get strep from performing oral sex. FML

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47072

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By Fuck - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

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By better late than never

Today, and for the first time in months, I woke up feeling well rested and ready to face the day. At 7pm. FML

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28199

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3666

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By kal - United States

Today, in bio class, we were studying the reproductive system. I don't like talking about this stuff, and I twitched every time my teacher said "penis" or "vagina." When I told my family, they laughed and kept repeating those words just to see me twitch. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 8-year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number key-pad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML

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67813

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By Heather - United Kingdom

Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML

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28109

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By steph - United States - Helotes

Today, I was trying to go for number 2 while drying my hair so that my boy friend won't hear me do it. The lock on the door was broken, and he saw how good I am at multitasking. FML

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10113

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By master6

Today I was pulling in to my work parking lot gate, accidentally hit the accelerator instead of the brake pedal, ran through the gate arm. FML

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1627

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1210

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By ahdeadcats - United States

Today, I got to go back into my house after it had been tented. Suddenly, a foul stench filled my house. My husband checked all around the house and finally checked under the house. There were more than 12 dead stray cats under our house, and guess who was in charge of pulling them out? FML

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42100

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By Cyberdeeder

Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML

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75014

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20232

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By Paulshaun1 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, my mother told me she thinks it is time for me to move into my own place. I agreed with her and went to look at studios/ flats online. She later came into my room, saw me looking at places and then got pissed off at me, saying that I hate her for wanting to leave her. FML

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11146

You deserved it

681

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By Yupppp. - United States - Flushing

Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML

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Top comments

By Ashamed_Sister | 60

#7876805 - Friday 24 January 2020 19:58

It's still better than dating a 14-year-old boy online and finding out he's an FBI agent.

By Hangryko | 17

#7876793 - Friday 24 January 2020 18:06

Originally posted by Iman on 4/5/2009 from the United States.

COMMENTS

By Hangryko | 17

#7876793 - Friday 24 January 2020 18:06

Originally posted by Iman on 4/5/2009 from the United States.

By Ashamed_Sister | 60

#7876805 - Friday 24 January 2020 19:58

It's still better than dating a 14-year-old boy online and finding out he's an FBI agent.

kfchicken_fml | 27

#7876850 - Friday 24 January 2020 23:32

🤔 touché

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7876836 - Friday 24 January 2020 22:06

It's better than finding out that "she's" a 55-yo gay male....

kfchicken_fml | 27

#7876851 - Friday 24 January 2020 23:34

arguable. Being caught doing that with a minor even if it's a catfish might have you wishing he was 55

By RichardPencil | 28

#7876857 - Saturday 25 January 2020 0:19

So, did you dump him or switch it up and become a gay pedophile?

We gotta know!

By Nico Noppe | 6

#7876865 - Saturday 25 January 2020 2:17

Didn't we already establish in the late nineties that there are no women on the internet?

Brightside86 | 21

#7877283 - Sunday 26 January 2020 21:03

GIRL= Guy In Real Life

By shannon2348 | 14

#7876882 - Saturday 25 January 2020 6:39

I still don't get how you can be "dating " anyone you have never met. ydi

By WistayShlaio82 | 13

#7876894 - Saturday 25 January 2020 8:19

That’s like some “Crying game” meets “Lord of the flies” type stuff

By manb91gb | 14

#7876942 - Saturday 25 January 2020 11:20

Okay I know this one is a repost. mods.... Please stop

By Richard Luna | 1

#7877031 - Saturday 25 January 2020 20:33

That’s not dating if you have never met the person

By J15237 | 21

#7877949 - Wednesday 29 January 2020 3:33

Just what the fuck?