Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML
Today, my boyfriend dislocated my jaw by sitting on my face while trying to fart on it. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML
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Top comments
mikeydakid59 0
FEED THE SHARK!
gregoriit 4
i would say you life sucks, but no sucking seems to be going on, so am not sure what to press. =(
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Comments (324)
IanScott_fml 0
the dick won't suck itself
nbk1405 0
if your bfs confident enough to do that and still your surprised about the way he acts maybe your the problem! YDI
Johnnnyyy 0
Seems like all the girls are commenting badly and the women are laughing about it..grow up bitches it's a joke. qweef in his face and sing whoop there it is for payback lol
monnanon 14
Oh yeah i forgot we are automatically immature if we don't accept every sexual advance we do not want as a joke. Would you seriously be happy if you were sitting on the couch watching tv and yr gf or bf got up and rubbed their genitals in your face with no preamble whatsoever. During foreplay that could be funny but just going up to yr signifcant other and shoving your genitals in their face is a bit wierd.
Johnnnyyy 0
actually I'd love it if my gf would :)
monnanon 14
theres not the tiniest bit of you that would find it ever so slightly degrading? Well fair enough.
foxychick 0
that's so something my bf and his friend would do
katgurl 13
... Together ? :D Haha jk
lstraw 0
"Just put it in your mouth"
undeadqueen528 0
if I had a penis I'd so do the same thing!!!
dealerdon 0
I think we need a bigger boat lol that's funny
autumn88_fml_fml 0
That's so gross.
ZmbChick 0
the things guys do. Hahahaha!!!!
dudehaha 4
as stupid as he sounds, that was pretty funny.