Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML
Today, my boyfriend dislocated my jaw by sitting on my face while trying to fart on it. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML
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Top comments
mikeydakid59 0
FEED THE SHARK!
gregoriit 4
i would say you life sucks, but no sucking seems to be going on, so am not sure what to press. =(
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Comments (324)
harbqll 0
Sounds like someone needs to get their lazy ass up off the sofa and do their job!
Gooney 3
Hahaha
22cute 17
What a jerk. Why do you put up with that? watch a bunch of trolls say it's funny & what's your problem? know why? It's because their only sexual encounters with women have been rejection!
Ryujin_fml 0
how does this make him a jerk. sounds like you have no sexual experience because you get rejected every time. my advice is to grow up and get some humor.
undeadqueen528 0
o wow your so cool the best insult you have is troll. pathetic. you obviously have no sense of humor.
Ryujin_fml 0
I am cool. thanks for the compliment. you're right 22cute is pathetic and needs a sense of humor.
lolitaababy 0
hes so romantic ^_^
pmar96 0
alrite listen coming from a guy this is good advice wen ur boyfriend comes over to u and takes his **** out ur supposed to grasp it with ur hands and put it in ur mouth nd suck it if u resist like u did things like getting stabbed in the face with a **** happen
jenncatherine 0
i litteraly lol'ed:D im favoriting this!
madisonwilson10 0
umm how is this an FML? that's just freaking hilarious!!!!
yomama97 5
that's adoreably funny!!!!! xD
MrDiezel 3
Lol..
MrFlintstone 5
hmmmmmmmm, tasty