Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML
Today, my boyfriend dislocated my jaw by sitting on my face while trying to fart on it. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML
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Top comments
mikeydakid59 0
FEED THE SHARK!
gregoriit 4
i would say you life sucks, but no sucking seems to be going on, so am not sure what to press. =(
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Comments (324)
ulicksam 0
As childish as your boyfriend is, you need to get a sense of humor.
heathersmorin 0
Lmao!!! Im still laughing about the FML! My husband does this kinda stuff all the time. I told him one of these times he's going to loose it :-)
grdianknight 0
as much as I want to say fyl, that's just too frickin' funny, high five to your bf.
ericliveson 0
lucky. I wish my boyfriend would do that lol.
ChronicSnowflake 0
clearly you should blow him more often. and I think that's funny your man has a sense of humor... how is this an FML?! just sayin! have fun with him don't post about him saying him trying to play with and have fun is an FML moment... come on now!
hkabr123 0
you should of jus gave him a ******** or a hand job ;))
Stupidpeopleanno 5
You should've showed him how a pirahna gets down.
raiderbaby1119 0
ok next time he does that just give him a ******** or hand job to make him happy
kbroom4 0
hilarious! I've my bf did that to me, I'd be irritated at first, but once I realized what just happened, I would bawl laughing. probably bc that's completely outside of my bf's character.
veritoswty6 14
A-w-e-s-o-m-e! I would like some *DAMN* action like that from my bf