Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was running late for work and skipped breakfast. At a red light, I noticed a granola bar in my bag and so I took a bite, only to realize it was actually a dog treat I'd stuffed in there days ago. FML
Today, I got pulled over by a cop car. As I was fumbling for my license and registration, I handed the officer a half-empty bag of Doritos I’d forgotten was in my glove box. He thought I was trying to bribe him. FML
Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML
Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, I snuck a snack into a library study hall. One tiny crinkle of the wrapper and every head turned like I’d detonated a siren. I tried to nibble silently, misjudged the crunch, dropped the pack, and it performed an encore. The professor glared at me. FML
Today, I ate brunch at my in-laws. The food all tasted off to me so I didn't eat much, telling my mother-in-law I was watching my weight. Later on, while out doing a bit of shopping, I stopped at a red light. Guess who pulled up next to me while I was scarfing a fast food burger. FML
Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML
Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML
Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML
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Top comments
klovemachine 24
It's just a candy bar. That's not worth getting a ticket for! YDI
IIRoxieII 12
Hahaha, WTF?
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Comments (142)
fazzems 21
Dafuq is wrong with you
DarthDeath 12
Did they arrest you when they found out you were eating chocolate?
Caliborn_06 11
Lol!
Bloodlvst 11
I love how OP assumes that every random person at an intersection knows and also cares about their diet enough to see them eating chocolate and scream allegations of diet cheating.
Mitcha857 0
My thoughts exactly.. Wow I'm sorry OP but you totally deserve that ticket for thinking something so stupid.
LeCielNousAide 7
I was just thinking that. The random people next to you will simply see you eating a candy bar and think nothing of it. If they are even paying attention to you. The majority of people are too interested in their cell phones anyway while they are driving. And a police officer doesn't know that you are cheating on your diet so no idea why OP panicked at seeing a cop at a red light. Seriously. OP, lose some of the paranoia and realize that only YOU would know if you were cheating on your diet.
mustangkid21 0
U sure u wernt doing coke?
DarthDeath 12
Nothing wrong with a little drug-driving.
cathyfang1533 12
Except for when you crash into a pole because you saw flying chocolate bars chasing the police car...
melij99 5
Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
GawdamitNappa 4
There's a difference between coca and cocoa.
xAttackAttackx 25
I'm actually surprised Jillian or the p90x guy didn't magically appear and spank you for it.
keidus324 6
Seriously? Wtf is wrong with you?!
jroq2008 5
lol sounds like something you'd see Doug do in The King of Queens
Shadow_Phantom 26
...honestly you sound like you have some issues. Also sounds like that diet is making you stressed out, which might just lead to more weight gain. That, and, a little bit of chocolate is -not- going to put a big hole in your diet. FYL, but YDI.
jerseyboy732 16
CHOCOLATES??!!!??!!!
SkoomaKi 28
Please tell me you're quoting Spongebob? If you are, I love you.
jerseyboy732 16
47: yes I am lol
Suba_fml 8
And that's what we call stupidity my friend.