Work: Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion....

By sabz21 - 27/01/2014 04:37 - United States - Naugatuck

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 082

You deserved it 14 237

Work

Another great day to be alive

Late term

Don't Give Up

By Oops - 18/11/2018 21:00 - United States

Today, I had diarrhea and shit myself. During my wedding. In my wedding dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 824

You deserved it 233

By Manstobe92 - 16/11/2009 07:32 - United States

Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 608

You deserved it 40 088

Nokia 3310 FTW

By Anonymous - 17/03/2020 02:30 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, while taking a rather large crap, I sent my sister a joking text saying, "I'm shitting my ass inside out." Turns out I sent it to my entire list of contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 1 921

By Anonymous - 28/12/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 249

You deserved it 5 477

By chacha - 28/11/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 382

You deserved it 5 490

By inappropes - 10/08/2017 16:00

Today, I got an angry text from a random number calling me a lying piece of shit. I then realized that was the first person to text me in weeks. I ended up having a fake argument with someone because I was so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 655

You deserved it 553

By owwwww - 19/07/2012 20:05 - United States - Piscataway

Today, I was having a really vivid dream in which I had to take a penalty kick to win the World Cup for the USA. I took the kick, but in reality, I smashed my foot against my bedroom wall and broke four of my toes. I also missed the kick in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 712

You deserved it 3 528

By Anonymous - 06/12/2016 20:14

Today, my boss yelled at me for leaving on time. After months of management hounding us about our overtime, I get in trouble for doing what I was supposed to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 844

You deserved it 515

By Anonymous - 14/12/2015 03:23 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was volunteering at a gift-wrapping booth to raise money for autism, and helping others takes my mind off the fact that my mom died at Christmas. While carefully wrapping a present, offering bows, ribbons, and a gift tag, a snobby bitch said to me, "You're not doing a very good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 048

You deserved it 2 124

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 20:27 - United States

Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 909

You deserved it 11 385

By GetAnotherRoomAlready - 12/03/2016 05:58 - United States - Singapore

Today, I woke up at 2 AM to the sounds of my roommate and his girlfriend on Skype, playing a game of, "No, I love YOU more, baby, schmoopy schmoopy schmoopy schmoo". It went on for around half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 798

You deserved it 1 683

In vain

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 08:01 - Germany - Teningen

Today, I found out that I chose a wrong class and my 30-page paper worth 10 credit points that I wrote for that class is basically worthless now, and my graduation might be postponed another semester just because of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 507

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 22:52 - United States

Today, thanks to Grand Theft Auto, I found myself seriously thinking about holding up an armored bank truck when I saw it in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 663

You deserved it 38 473

By Nikki - 27/07/2012 13:45 - United States - Newark

Today, my live-in-boyfriend lost his job. Jokingly, I told him that we weren't going to have sex until he found a new job. He then turned to me with the most excited look I have ever seen on his face and said "I am going to stay unemployed forever!" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 765

You deserved it 9 162

By nickern - 08/02/2012 00:13 - Australia

Today, I was willing to sit behind a truck doing 10km/h just to hear an interview with Robbie Williams on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 492

You deserved it 22 925

Little fella

By littlefella - 04/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Novato

Today, I was taking a piss when a old lady somehow managed to wander in. She blushed, chuckled and apologized, "Sorry, little fella!" before leaving. I don't know what size she was commenting on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 113

You deserved it 820

By Anonymous - 14/03/2014 15:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 127

You deserved it 6 045

By :-O - 14/04/2019 12:00

Today, I came home from work early only to find my naked roommate in the living room with his ass in the air. Apparently, he was doing an experiment to see if you can launch a ball of tissue paper into the air by placing it on your bare anus and farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 004

You deserved it 206

The serpentine movement of life

By mountainmetal983 - 05/03/2020 18:00

Today, the serpentine belt broke on my truck a mile away from work, 30 minutes before I needed to be there. This caused me to be 45 minutes late. I got written up for being late. The tow truck then took my truck to the wrong mechanic shop. Now I have to pay another tow truck bill to get it to the right shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 548

You deserved it 112

By Anonymous - 13/03/2011 22:26 - United States

Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 734

You deserved it 73 777

Sharing is caring

By Eddie - 07/03/2021 23:00

Today, I caught my sister using my shaver to trim her pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 106

By Anonymous - 06/01/2010 18:19 - United States

Today, I found out my dad spent most of the $500 I earned from mowing lawns on an Xbox 360 for himself. He was the one who encouraged me to put the money in the bank for college and to learn responsibility. I'm 14 years old. He's 37. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 868

You deserved it 2 855

By KingUrge - 26/04/2013 08:36 - United States - Victorville

Today, as I was walking down the street, a car full of hot girls pulled up and asked if I wanted to party; obviously, I said yes. They then shot at me with party poppers and threw party food all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 332

You deserved it 9 677

By MeanMother - 28/06/2012 20:29 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I realized just how much of a bitch I am when I grounded my son for not telling me what he got me for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 944

You deserved it 91 026

By Anonymous - 14/11/2011 21:33 - United States

Today, I had to renew my driver's license at the DMV. Earlier, I was in a play and was still covered in stage makeup. I didn't realize that not all of it had come off until after my picture was taken and put on my new license. For the next three years, I'll be the guy with the dark eyeliner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 652

You deserved it 8 819

By Anonymous - 26/01/2014 17:21 - United Kingdom - Aberystwyth

Today, after waiting two weeks for an email with my online textbook access code, it still hadn't arrived in time for my quiz tomorrow, so I ended up spending most of my money on the expensive physical copy. Not long after I got back home, the email finally arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 129

You deserved it 5 016

By Musicfreak - 18/12/2011 23:36 - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and instead of saying goodbye, I got tongue-tied and said, "I love you, boo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 593

You deserved it 30 704

By mommy - 23/06/2019 02:27

Today, I’ve been violently ill with diarrhea, and have been for past three days. I finally discovered why. It's because I ate a piece of candy off the recently-cleaned floor last week. My immune system is so weak, it can’t respect the 5-second rule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 1 229

By ForeverEmbarrassed - 13/08/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I was at a clothing store. I tried on a dress, but decided it was too much for me. Taking it off, I realize my hair was tangled in the big security button. The employees had to bring me to the front of the store, lay me on the counter, and take the button out in front of a laughing crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 596

You deserved it 4 348

By keifer13 - 03/06/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. I brought my camera to capture these last memories, only to discover that the batteries were dead. When I got home and went to change them, I realized they were not dead, they were just put in the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 604

You deserved it 56 135

By Awkward - 04/02/2010 16:03 - France

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, claiming moving in was a bad idea and he is the type who needs his privacy. It was his idea to move in, he had to convince me. Now we are stuck, under lease together for the next 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 790

You deserved it 3 690

By Hate2Date - 05/04/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 592

You deserved it 8 159

By Anonymous - 28/02/2018 05:00

Today, I woke up to a note on my nightstand from my fiancée, along with the ring I proposed to her with yesterday, which stated that not only was she not ready to be married, but she’d been planning to end things before I “blindsided" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 952

You deserved it 411

One rule for me…

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 20:01 - Germany

Today, I haven’t had a haircut in 15 months. Our politicians announced that the lockdown, prohibiting haircuts, commerce and social life, will go on even longer than previously decided. Our impeccably coiffed politicians, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 181

By Anonymous - 27/05/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, a girl I've been crushing on for over a year finally gave me her number. I lost the note at home, but found it a few hours later. I excitedly called, only to find she'd written down the number for the local Pizza Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 864

You deserved it 4 555

By Daddy - 19/08/2016 14:55 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I discovered an effective form of body hair removal. I discovered that my three-year-old daughter is strong enough to pull off a major clump of my leg hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 552

You deserved it 1 208

By Anonymous - 23/11/2013 00:16 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boyfriend got on one knee and started talking about how we met. Knowing what was coming, I started tearing up, absolutely sure he was going to propose. Just as I was about to say yes, he quickly stood up and yelled "HAH, JUST KIDDING". FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 309

You deserved it 6 161

By TheCrossingChick - 30/11/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my boss showed us a small picture of his family on his phone. Jokingly, I commented on how the orange shirt he was wearing reminded me of a big pumpkin. He wasn't wearing an orange shirt. His wife was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 631

You deserved it 28 810

By Robbins - 31/08/2009 02:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to meet with my landlord to organise when he was coming to look at my flat and decide whether I get my deposit back. In the time it took to see him, my friend drank a bottle of vodka and vomited all over my room and knocked the window through. My landlord is coming in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 643

You deserved it 5 364

By Yubi - 11/01/2009 15:22 - Belgium

Today, my mother told me: "If you didn't exist, I wouldn't stay with your father". So it's MY fault if she's having problems with him? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 078

You deserved it 2 349

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Top comments

BrotherTheo 31

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Monday 27 January 2014 16:25

The force will be with you, always.....

olpally 32

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Monday 27 January 2014 16:25

That's freaking awesome! Strong with the force you are! Hahaha :)

BrotherTheo 31

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Monday 27 January 2014 16:25

The force will be with you, always.....

ziya1999 12

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Monday 27 January 2014 16:35

Always, Star Wars ❤️

Meettitan 14

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Monday 27 January 2014 21:06

"And also with you"

speckledots 29

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Monday 27 January 2014 23:16

"And with you and your spirit. "

Alvarortor 14

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Monday 27 January 2014 23:34

Luke, I am your savior.

wellthen7154 12

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Tuesday 28 January 2014 0:22

Han ate the fruit first.

tygerarmy 35

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Tuesday 28 January 2014 3:14

He is seated at the right hand of the Council.

olpally 32

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Monday 27 January 2014 16:25

That's freaking awesome! Strong with the force you are! Hahaha :)

thisawkwardchick 15

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Tuesday 28 January 2014 1:04

I agree, there isn't much of a downside to this!

zachman523 5

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Monday 27 January 2014 16:25

Well Jedi is a religion

LaurenLo 17

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Monday 27 January 2014 17:38

Can I get an amen?

hashshim 21

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Monday 27 January 2014 18:01

I mean it's not the religion of Christianity, so that might kinda make it worse.

nick3600 22

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Monday 27 January 2014 20:56

Darth vader died for your sins

zBLAKEz 23

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Monday 27 January 2014 21:02

43- I think that actually makes it better.

Psychicgirl17 18

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Monday 27 January 2014 21:29

Apparently christianity is the only religion that exists. According to #43

Freethaawave 19

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Monday 27 January 2014 21:56

I can just picture it.. "Jesus, I love you." "...I know."

DusktheFMLKat 14

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Tuesday 28 January 2014 2:20

I'LL DRINK TO THAT

moimoimoi125_fml 11

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Tuesday 28 January 2014 6:58

#43 wasn't saying it was the only religion. He was saying that using phrases from another religion during a religious ceremony made it worse.

singer0421 32

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Monday 27 January 2014 16:26

Little too much Star Wars last night, eh? HAHAHAHA jut kidding you can never have too much Star Wars.

FracturedMinds 21

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Monday 27 January 2014 17:10

Was about to say... Too much Star Wars? Them're fightin' words...

TheGreatPotato 19

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Monday 27 January 2014 18:38

I suppose there could be a scenario of too much Star Wars. Namely if one were forced to watch every Jar Jar Binks scene on loop for a few hours on end.