Work: Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion....

By sabz21 - United States - Naugatuck

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

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Work

Instadrama

Nerves of steel

Big bastard boss

By Anonymous

Can't win

Today, my supervisor told me off for doing something. When I reminded her that she told me to do it, she yelled at me for correcting her. FML

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By whywasitthere - United States - New Braunfels

Today, I was walking down my road in the hill-country of Texas, when I spotted something shiny buried in the dirt. Thinking it could be something interesting, I picked it up, and, after turning it over numerous times in my hand, realized that it was, in fact, an old silver bullet vibrator. FML

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By millavitsa - Ukraine

Today, my mom asked me why MS Word keeps underlining some words. After I tried to convince her that you're supposed to put a space after commas, she started yelling at me for making her look stupid. I can never win. FML

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By SomeDJ - United States

Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4. FML

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By nudesurprise - United States

Today, I was at my new apartment. My fiancé was coming home so I filled the apartment with candles and put on some sexy music. When he came up to my door, I answered the door, naked. What I didn't know was that he was bringing his dad to see the new apartment. FML

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By deli Shoppe - United States - Vallejo

Today, I went to the bookstore and saw a stunning girl reading. I walked over and picked up a book, thinking our two books were the same category, hence a good conversation starter. She looked at me, and I pointed at my book and smiled. After that, she left. It was a sex position book. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Atwater

Today, a shopper approached me at Target and said, "So are you just gonna stand there to look pretty and do nothing around here?" I ignored his comment, until he got so upset that he wanted to speak to my manager. It would have been understandable if I actually worked there. FML

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By ParkingGuy - United States

Today, while working as a parking booth attendant I decided to be nice and offer a woman free parking. I said, "give me a high five and I'll give you free parking since I already did the paper work." She said, "I'd rather pay," with a really disgusted look. I also had to redo the paper work. FML

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By Marc - Hong Kong - Tsuen Wan

Today, it's been almost 2 months since I moved into my new place, and it's the first time a girl has slept in my bed. I also slept on my new couch for the first time. FML

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By yeastly - United States - Amery

Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML

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By longtriphome - United States

Today, I met my long distance girlfriend after two years of being separated by 900 miles. She brought her short distance boyfriend to the meeting. FML

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By BirdBrain

Today, I discovered that I don't have a college fund. My mother stole the money when she divorced my dad and he never bothered to tell me. Now he's offered to pay my tuition if I go to a military academy. If I don't take the offer, he wants me to move out by next Friday. FML

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By Almostfunny - United States

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

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By xXEmmaLieXx - United States - Berkley

Today, my entire junior class took the ACT. On the last test, a classmate's phone went off, automatically invalidating the whole test. We all have to retake it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I shaved my beard off. Turns out the skin under my beard is six shades lighter than the rest of my face. I look completely ridiculous. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I stretched out my wedding dress on my bed so it could air out before the big day tomorrow. Later I returned to my room only to find my cat on my wedding dress, it peed on it. FML

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By whoops - United States

Today, I was on my way home from work and decided to stop at the grocery store. I purchased $200 in groceries and went to put them in my car. I then realized I drove my motorcycle today. FML

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By yuckspider - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Orleans

Today, after scouring my apartment for quarters to do laundry, I found the correct amount of change. The change got jammed in the washing machine. I now have no more quarters, and my clothes are caked with soap from washing them in the sink. FML

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By megan - United States - Lutz

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

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By Girl w/ the Pearl Earring - Australia - Perth

Today, it was another stressful day of watching servicemen at my job trying to figure out what broke an extremely expensive and essential machine. I'm just waiting for the day they finally discover the earring I dropped into it about a week ago FML

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By LadyChristina25 - United States

Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML

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By killmenow - Canada - Halifax

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

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By ewwy - United States

Today, I returned a friends jacket after borrowing it. I made sure to wash it and keep it clean. When he went to put it on, a pair of my granny panties fell out of the sleeve. FML

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By peachesthepigeon - United States

Today, at work, I helped out an employee who was having trouble. I even bought her a bottle of water. After the production manager decided to fire her on the spot, she went out in the parking lot and broke into several cars, including mine. FML

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By cookiecutter8 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, a guy started complimenting me and calling me beautiful. Halfway through, he burst out laughing and said he couldn't do it. Who needs self confidence, anyway? FML

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By L_M_AND_R_L - United States

Today, I asked my mom not to bring her dog to my wedding, since he's a real pain in the ass. She told me not to worry about it because she didn't feel like going anyway. FML

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By TimeForANewJob

Today, at work, my colleague started to look for a new job. For me. FML

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By LifeSucks - Canada

Today, as I was taking my three year old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

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By lizardhater - Singapore

I'm Jim Morrison, I'm Dead

Today, a lizard got caught in some loose duct tape in my office. A perk of working alone, I get to clean up. Lizards scare the Bejeezus out of me. FML

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By BFFN - United Kingdom - Glasgow

BFF

Today, my best friend told me she no longer wants an "active friendship" with me. She says she doesn't have time to see me, since she has a boyfriend and a bunch of friends she's spent years bitching to me about. We've gone from a 14-year friendship to awkwardly nodding at each other in the street. FML

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By omgstfuplz - United States

Today, I was arguing with one of my professors. She said that all married couples fight and I told her that my parents have never argued or fought about anything. When I got home my parents told me that they're getting a divorce. FML

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By crazybitch - Canada - Okotoks

Not a morning person

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML

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By beachbum - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2020 20:06 - United States - Orange

For the union makes us strong

Today, I found out that the owner of my workplace hasn't been paying any of the bills and that all 10 people on my crew and I will be losing our jobs in a matter of days. FML

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By sendhelp - United States - Provo

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my family and a family I didn't know. I was about to press the number when somebody came up behind me. I thought it was my brother trying to press the number first, so I aggressivly pushed him out of the way. Turns out it was the other family's ten year old son. FML

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By Loveless - United States

Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding. FML

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By Uglyshirts - South Africa

Today, I was the first one to wear the ugly corporate shirts we received. The people in my office-all of them guys were all saying that it looked a lot better than they thought it would. Later that day I went to the toilet and saw the shirt gapes open in front and you could see my boobs. FML

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Top comments

By BrotherTheo | 31

#5840933 - Monday 27 January 2014 16:25

The force will be with you, always.....

By olpally | 32

#5840934 - Monday 27 January 2014 16:25

That's freaking awesome! Strong with the force you are! Hahaha :)

COMMENTS

By BrotherTheo | 31

#5840933 - Monday 27 January 2014 16:25

The force will be with you, always.....

ziya1999 | 12

#5840947 - Monday 27 January 2014 16:35

Always, Star Wars ❤️

Meettitan | 14

#5841136 - Monday 27 January 2014 21:06

"And also with you"

speckledots | 29

#5841227 - Monday 27 January 2014 23:16

"And with you and your spirit. "

Alvarortor | 14

#5841243 - Monday 27 January 2014 23:34

Luke, I am your savior.

wellthen7154 | 12

#5841283 - Tuesday 28 January 2014 0:22

Han ate the fruit first.

tygerarmy | 35

#5841501 - Tuesday 28 January 2014 3:14

He is seated at the right hand of the Council.

By olpally | 32

#5840934 - Monday 27 January 2014 16:25

That's freaking awesome! Strong with the force you are! Hahaha :)

thisawkwardchick | 15

#5841323 - Tuesday 28 January 2014 1:04

I agree, there isn't much of a downside to this!

By zachman523 | 5

#5840935 - Monday 27 January 2014 16:25

Well Jedi is a religion

LaurenLo | 17

#5840993 - Monday 27 January 2014 17:38

Can I get an amen?

hashshim | 21

#5841002 - Monday 27 January 2014 18:01

I mean it's not the religion of Christianity, so that might kinda make it worse.

nick3600 | 22

#5841128 - Monday 27 January 2014 20:56

Darth vader died for your sins

zBLAKEz | 23

#5841134 - Monday 27 January 2014 21:02

43- I think that actually makes it better.

Psychicgirl17 | 18

#5841150 - Monday 27 January 2014 21:29

Apparently christianity is the only religion that exists. According to #43

Freethaawave | 19

#5841163 - Monday 27 January 2014 21:56

I can just picture it.. "Jesus, I love you."
"...I know."

DusktheFMLKat | 14

#5841444 - Tuesday 28 January 2014 2:20

I'LL DRINK TO THAT

moimoimoi125_fml | 11

#5841692 - Tuesday 28 January 2014 6:58

#43 wasn't saying it was the only religion. He was saying that using phrases from another religion during a religious ceremony made it worse.

By singer0421 | 32

#5840936 - Monday 27 January 2014 16:26

Little too much Star Wars last night, eh?
HAHAHAHA jut kidding you can never have too much Star Wars.

FracturedMinds | 21

#5840973 - Monday 27 January 2014 17:10

Was about to say... Too much Star Wars? Them're fightin' words...

TheGreatPotato | 19

#5841020 - Monday 27 January 2014 18:38

I suppose there could be a scenario of too much Star Wars. Namely if one were forced to watch every Jar Jar Binks scene on loop for a few hours on end.