Love: Today, while at the gym, I started flirting with a hot doctor.... - FML

By hahatofunny - United States - Pensacola

Today, while at the gym, I started flirting with a hot doctor. I thought things were going well so I suggested we work out together sometime and maybe work our way up to dinner together, to which she replied, "Sorry but I've seen tumors bigger than your biceps," and then walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11897

You deserved it

2045

Tweet

Share

Great quality control

Expanding universe

Reverse psychology

By FailedSalesman - United States - Lewisville

Today, I was working at our garage sale with my dad. I sat outside for 2 hours, talked to three people, and sold nothing. My dad came outside and got angry at me, so I told him to give it a shot. He sold 3 things to the first guy who walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6937

You deserved it

1002

Tweet

Share

By missseloit3

Today, I met a nice guy who wanted to chat. I didn't want to be the bitchy type and throw him the "I have a boyfriend" line right away, so I conversed with him. When he asked was I single I, of course, said no. He yelled at me and made a huge scene about me leading him on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4496

You deserved it

761

Tweet

Share

By humanchewtoy

Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3837

You deserved it

463

Tweet

Share

By

Catfished!

Today, I found out my husband has been "cheating" on me with some girl from Russia that he has to pay for regularly. This explains why he never has any money, he's actually dumb enough to be scammed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1947

You deserved it

184

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - France - Thionville

Today, my grandson visited me, and asked if I had any pictures of myself from when I was a little girl. I happily looked for a few photos to give him, asking what had piqued his curiosity. He replied that he wanted some for a presentation he's doing on the Middle Ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37348

You deserved it

3096

Tweet

Share

By Jeff - United States

Today, after a stay at the hospital for two broken legs, I finally got home and attempted to relax. My dad went to hand me the remote and dropped it right on my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1544

You deserved it

119

Tweet

Share

By Pantsontheground - United States - New York

Looking like a fool...

Today, my pants kept falling down. Since I didn't have a belt on, I decided to tuck the waistband around my underwear to keep them in place. While on a date, I tried to adjust my pants, but ended up pulling them down along with my boxers. In the middle of a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1365

You deserved it

2888

Tweet

Share

By wow - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I found out that my husband of 12 years has been sleeping with my best friend of even longer for who knows how long. She actually tried to turn it around on me and implied that it was my fault for finding out about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62070

You deserved it

3791

Tweet

Share

By FMLFMLFMLFML - United States

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66010

You deserved it

14817

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working as a carhop at Sonic, my roller skates ran over some gravel and I fell, causing me to drop a tray of food. I found out later that one of the customers had deliberately done that to see if I would trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35300

You deserved it

2789

Tweet

Share

By Cary - United States

Today, I noticed that my girlfriend has a deeper voice than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33231

You deserved it

7844

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, my sister called my cell phone. Not wanting to face the consequences of not answering, I had a long conversation with her. My boyfriend kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10230

You deserved it

43811

Tweet

Share

By doomeddaddy - United States

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31170

You deserved it

3213

Tweet

Share

By Hooperist - United States - Murrieta

Today, while sick with the flu, I had the police called on me by my older neighbors downstairs. They thought I was hosting a party at 3 in the morning. I was really just throwing up constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29968

You deserved it

1835

Tweet

Share

By Em - France

Today, my boyfriend accidentally called me from his pocket. I thought it would be funny to see what him and his friends were talking about. I laughed when I heard him talking about us fooling around until I realized it wasn't me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38187

You deserved it

3603

Tweet

Share

By blind - South Africa

Today, I was texting a friend of mine. She mentioned it was her dad's birthday. I typed "Tell him Happy Birthday for me!" and as I pressed send I remember her dad was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24350

You deserved it

46598

Tweet

Share

By virginmary - United States

Today, my mom told me that I am going to end up getting myself pregnant. I am 21 and a virgin. She continued to yell at me and call me a liar all night. I don't know which is worse, being a 21 year old virgin or my mother accusing me of lying about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37374

You deserved it

3168

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I have an incredible fear of butterflies. I discovered this after my mother took me to a butterfly sanctuary for some "mother-daughter bonding time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23510

You deserved it

3729

Tweet

Share

By :) - Greece

Today, I was getting my portrait done. The artist told me to smile. He looked at me, then said, "Oh, don't smile." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34406

You deserved it

4458

Tweet

Share

By kids are meh - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I told my cousin it would be okay if he stayed the weekend after a fight with his wife. He didn't tell me he was bringing his 4 kids. They've watched funny cat videos for hours and they laugh like maniacs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12023

You deserved it

1330

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33753

You deserved it

5416

Tweet

Share

By IBS - China - Shanghai

Today, after finishing a two hour essay exam that will determine the future of my career, I realized I misread the question. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51080

You deserved it

13123

Tweet

Share

By Chemist-why - United States - San Francisco

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. In the middle of it he said, "I want us to be covalent bonds". I didn't understand what he meant, and he actually stopped to explain it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31454

You deserved it

8831

Tweet

Share

By blaahh - United States

Today, I was asked out by a guy I've liked since the beginning of the year. All I could say was, "I have to pee", and ran into the men's bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31364

You deserved it

17622

Tweet

Share

By scottskidee - United States

Biker

Today, I had my girlfriend drive me to go buy a motorcycle. I rode it 50 minutes home, got in the drive way, put the kick stand down, and then lost my balance and fell on the other side. I paid $3000 to drop it in the first hour and break the turn signal off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22469

You deserved it

24951

Tweet

Share

By Tanny

Today, I was playing basketball, and while trying to jump and shoot, I farted on the face of the person behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4583

You deserved it

623

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33501

You deserved it

41724

Tweet

Share

By -_- - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I did a photoshoot with my boyfriend and his buddy. We drove out to the countryside and set up on top of a hill. My boyfriend kept having me move further and further back. I eventually fell and rolled down the steep hill, while he and his buddy high-fived each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52664

You deserved it

7531

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I asked my mom if she'd seen my financial calculator on my way out to an exam. She told me she'd tossed it in the donation pile that she'd taken to the Salvation Army this morning because it was "clutter." I needed it to take the exam, which is required to pass the class, to graduate next month. The only place to buy a replacement was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2324

You deserved it

204

Tweet

Share

By too eager - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I had a date with an amazing girl so in the shower I wanted to make sure I was extra clean. With the soaped up shower puff in hand I tried to get as much of my back as I could which led to me pushing too far and dislocating my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14903

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2934

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Sounds reasonable

Today, my 70 year-old mother complained about the patio window being dirty. I asked her why she couldn't clean it, or anything else in the house for that matter. I was informed she can't clean windows because she's not left handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1525

You deserved it

190

Tweet

Share

By slightlyslow - United States

Today, while watching The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh with my 5 year old, I realized why the kangaroo's name is Kanga, and why her son's name is Roo. Kanga-Roo. Get it? Yeah. I didn't until today. I'm 47. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24550

You deserved it

52754

Tweet

Share

By dumped - Canada

Today, my girlfriend haltingly dumped me over the phone. Faint splashes punctuated her grunting, straining sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38379

You deserved it

4003

Tweet

Share

By sadinseattle - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway when I get a call from my friend explaining that our two best friends died in a car accident. I pulled over in hysterics and a cop came to see what was wrong. I explained what happened and he gave me a ticket for talking on the phone while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

110075

You deserved it

17457

Tweet

Share

By BarbieKen - United States

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41019

You deserved it

63114

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54618

You deserved it

15843

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Meade

Today, I felt cold while driving, so I blasted the heat. The one thing I didn't expect was a load of tiny spiders spilling out of the vents and writhing all over my dash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15007

You deserved it

946

Tweet

Share

By sozzy - United States - Aliso Viejo

Today, I went to my regular pharmacist of three months, and since I've always seen him on a crutch, I asked him how his leg was. His response: "Still missing". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27408

You deserved it

6972

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the store and bought some cream to help with a sunburn I'd gotten a few days ago. What's worse than having red, peeling, and painful skin? An allergic reaction on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27978

You deserved it

2738

Tweet

Share

By authentic - United States

Today, my tattoo artist boyfriend of five months gave me my first tattoo in celebration of my 18th birthday. It was supposed to be a heart with my name in script. He spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59765

You deserved it

17338

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By WCARlover | 34

#6697855 - Sunday 2 October 2016 3:07

Well you're going to the gym for a reason...I'm sure the bigger biceps will come with time. A better personality for her probably will never come.

By everydayGalaXy | 11

#6697850 - Sunday 2 October 2016 3:03

If not having big biceps is the reason for her to say no to a date then move on. No big loss there.

COMMENTS

By everydayGalaXy | 11

#6697850 - Sunday 2 October 2016 3:03

If not having big biceps is the reason for her to say no to a date then move on. No big loss there.

By GrinchFu1 | 27

#6697851 - Sunday 2 October 2016 3:05

Is there a gym where people can go to work on their tact? No? There should be. Dodged a bullet on that one though... Shallow people will nitpick you to the point where you actually believe there's something wrong with yourself. You're good. Screw her.

By FMLUser404 | 4

#6697853 - Sunday 2 October 2016 3:06

Sounds like a bit of a prick, but she also was saying that she didnt find you attractive. so im split 50/50

By WCARlover | 34

#6697855 - Sunday 2 October 2016 3:07

Well you're going to the gym for a reason...I'm sure the bigger biceps will come with time. A better personality for her probably will never come.

By StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6697859 - Sunday 2 October 2016 3:14

He should have nut up or shut up. Some people should just say no and not volunteer unsolicited criticisms.

Reply

writerchic85 | 25

#6698051 - Sunday 2 October 2016 12:33

He asked her out. How is that inviting criticism? She should have just said no thanks.

Reply

shadypalmtree | 20

#6698235 - Sunday 2 October 2016 20:35

I'm pretty sure that was a typo. It was supposed to be "She", not "He".

By BestOrginalName | 22

#6697860 - Sunday 2 October 2016 3:15

Her loss, OP
Her true colors shine brighter than a unicorn's shit.
At least you found out now, rather than later in your (potentially) committed relationship.

By ThrottleJockey | 34

#6697862 - Sunday 2 October 2016 3:23

Sorry things didn't workout.

By nigeriangirl | 13

#6697864 - Sunday 2 October 2016 3:28

What a tactless way to speak. Sorry op.

By PaolaBlack | 7

#6697866 - Sunday 2 October 2016 3:31

I completely understand if she didn't find you attractive, but there's no need to be rude.

You can always work on your biceps, but even then you don't have to modify your body to impress anyone but yourself.

You'll find the girl that will see past that type of things. (:

By RichardPencil | 29

#6697871 - Sunday 2 October 2016 3:43

As she walked away, you shoulda said, "Maybe so, but you've never seen a tumor bigger than my penis!"

When all is lost, a Hail Mary like that just might work!

Reply

latenerd | 11

#6698074 - Sunday 2 October 2016 13:11

I don't know why this is getting down votes, that's a pretty funny response.

Reply

kilobravo | 10

#6698205 - Sunday 2 October 2016 18:42

Yeah I totally agree! That's a hilarious response. :-)