Intimacy: Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family,...

By Joe - 19/10/2009 04:32 - Cambodia

Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear "If you go home with my son make sure he wears a condom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 111

You deserved it 2 960

When Christmas Ends Badly…
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Same thing different taste

By myparentsarehoes - 03/08/2009 16:33 - Canada

Today, I was at a bar with my friends for my 19th birthday when I saw my dad grinding some chick that was not my mom. I confronted him and told him I was telling mom. He then pointed across the bar to my mom with another man. I just found out my parents are swingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 331

You deserved it 5 768

By Anonymous - 24/12/2018 12:00

Today, my Mom found out that I've been intimate with one of my best friends in the past. We used protection, it never went anywhere, and we ended it amicably, but she still gave me a huge lecture. Later, she high-fived and congratulated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 704

You deserved it 502

Stay safe

By notaslut - 08/01/2020 22:00 - United States - Greeley

Today, I walked into my best friend's house and her mom threw a box of condoms at me and said, "Stay safe, slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 755

You deserved it 636

Educate your sons

By Anonymous - 18/07/2015 05:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 084

You deserved it 5 859

By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 00:53 - United States - Piedmont

Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 694

You deserved it 39 027

By gloomy - 15/08/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 808

You deserved it 828

By dpl - 19/02/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 581

You deserved it 5 636

By pleasedtomeetyou - 13/01/2010 16:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 152

You deserved it 16 379

By Jake - 28/09/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 940

You deserved it 3 466

By Anonymous - 02/11/2015 08:01 - United States - San Jacinto

Today, while at a party playing Truth or Dare, I found out my best friend fantasizes about having sex with my 51 year old mother. The rest of the guys at the party then nodded in agreement and thus spawned a group conversation about how "screwable" my mom is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 704

You deserved it 3 556

kukri187 12

Monday 19 October 2009 15:24

You got **** blocked by your mom.

perdix 29

Monday 19 October 2009 12:26

Ouch! Mom's not a wingman, but an anti-aircraft gunner! Shot down! Mom's driving away that competition and keeping your Oedipus complex intact.

Comments

AsianHomie 0

Monday 19 October 2009 12:14

first? and whyd your mom stuttered

WeirdUp 0

Thursday 25 November 2010 7:16

wtf is that supposed to mean

windchime 0

Monday 19 October 2009 12:25

second? dope :]

perdix 29

Monday 19 October 2009 12:26

Ouch! Mom's not a wingman, but an anti-aircraft gunner! Shot down! Mom's driving away that competition and keeping your Oedipus complex intact.

cr4ckb0n3f4n 0

Monday 19 October 2009 14:05

you shouldn't let your mother near yourself when you are at a bar.

thefury 0

Monday 19 October 2009 15:10

why is your mom even there? is she there to look out for you?

kyliebear 15

Thursday 6 October 2011 10:21

She was there because he was celebrating his birthday with his friends and FAMILY.

kukri187 12

Monday 19 October 2009 15:24

You got **** blocked by your mom.

unFmyLife 0

Monday 19 October 2009 15:30

YDI ... who tries to get with someone while with their family?

FromCFL 0

Monday 19 October 2009 16:47

YDI for trying to pick up some girl in front of your mommy. And for using the word "whilst".

feed_the_ducks 0

Monday 19 October 2009 17:28

Apparently she wasn't that into you if that's all it took to make her leave. While that must have been embarrassing for her, it's pretty sound advice. Responsible sex = great sex.