Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, I met up with a girl I've been hanging out with a bunch recently. She said that we should be a couple, "unless you have a micropenis", then laughed. I actually do have a micropenis. I couldn't hold it together, and ran out of the bar, crying. FML
Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML
Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML
Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML
Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear "If you go home with my son make sure he wears a condom." FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
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Top comments
EvilTurtle 35
It's not about the size of the boat, it's about the motion of the ocean.
rebeccacmlc 22
That's an awful thing to say ... Privacy, intimacy should be respected by everyone, especially those closest to you, and most of all your mother !
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Comments (104)
urbanbigfoot 20
Can I offer the man some Extense?
pandablair 16
Yikes, aren't drunk parents the best? Sounds like it might be time to have a conversation about privacy!
SheepShoop_fml 20
You put your mind and your digits into it and it really won't matter in the end, you will find love with someone who knows better than to care solely about the size. You'll do well. I am sorry that you have had to go through such an unnecessary and embarrassing situation. Best of luck, OP.
hehe1996 15
I'm sorry your mother was so insensitive OP but don't worry too much about the size of your penis, you can always use your fingers and your mouth to make sure sex is amazing for you and your partner.
FallenMetalAngel 17
I'm sorry dude, if it makes you feel better, you are not the only one.
kitsuneluvuh 12
Well... Hopefully you have a sparkling personality to make up for it. If not, well, you still have perfectly good fingers and a tongue, right?
berkeleyjake 13
well, if you really were pursuing her, she would have found out eventually, right?
FamilyAngel 4
Yes, and why making such awful "surprise" to someone you "like"?
mishwarner 14
I'm googling micropenis lol
NostalgiaFreak9 41
Remember this when you're choosing her nursing home.
CliffyB03 28
It's not about size. It's what you do with it.