Miscellaneous: Today, in the midst of sleep, my boyfriend hurled my cellphone... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 38

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 135

02/04/2012 19:42

Today, in the midst of sleep, my boyfriend hurled my cellphone across the room and into the wall because he couldn't be bothered to pick up or hang up an incoming call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 370

You deserved it 3 320

Stop talking!

Mother of the year

Kids are hard work

22/02/2011 00:23

Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 699

You deserved it 2 855

18/06/2009 07:17

Spicy

Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 128

You deserved it 119 105

01/07/2014 03:59

Today, at my grandparent's funeral, we were waiting for the pastor. He was fashionably late because he couldn't find his sunglasses and had gone to buy new ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 292

You deserved it 3 335

26/06/2016 12:22

Spicy

Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 388

You deserved it 5 441

06/06/2009 16:23

Today, I was shopping at Shoppers Drug Mart with my mom. As we pulled up to the cashier, I noticed it was a really hot girl from my school. Trying to be cool, I told my mom that I'll be paying for the purchases. My debit card was denied. My mom had to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 982

You deserved it 60 483

22/03/2009 17:14

Today, I heard my boyfriend of 3 months talking with his friend, not knowing I could hear them. "Tonight's the night," my boyfriend says. "I'm finally going to tell her I love her!" I got really excited, deciding i loved him too. Then his friend says, "Awesome! But what about Kayla?" I'm Kayla. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257 197

You deserved it 17 658

12/11/2009 11:00

Today, I went to a karaoke bar that my girlfriend works at. I'm a halfway decent singer, so I picked out a song we both liked and decided to give it a go. Halfway through the song I sneezed, tripped, fell off the stage and knocked myself out in front of my girlfriend and fifty bar patrons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 059

You deserved it 5 442

15/04/2014 06:04

Today, I told my dad I'm pregnant. His response? "It's only a phase, you'll get over it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 279

You deserved it 11 263

23/11/2015 14:31

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 189

You deserved it 5 745

20/04/2009 00:17

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 214

You deserved it 7 614

22/01/2009 14:38

Today, I thought it'd be cool and trendy to buy a Blackberry Storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 413

You deserved it 37 314

06/03/2013 11:51

Today, instead of actually teaching us something, our college professor excitedly showed us the godawful Harlem Shake video he made with his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 573

You deserved it 4 968

03/07/2009 20:13

Today, I woke up and decided to get the morning paper, I went outside with my bath robe on and when I leaned down to get my paper my bath robe came undone. Apparently everyone on my street saw it and decided to bring up public nudity at the next neighborhood meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 579

You deserved it 9 715

16/09/2014 04:17

Today, while waiting for my violin student to unpack his violin, he farted loudly and rhythmically on the sofa, and then went on about how it sounded like the "Shave and a Haircut" rhythm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 758

You deserved it 3 028

10/04/2013 09:06

Today, I was riding a new horse when a lawnmower starting up spooked her. She jumped straight up in the air and I landed directly on the saddle horn. I can't walk or feel anything between my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 933

You deserved it 4 199

06/02/2016 11:42

Today, I heard a noise in my garage so I grabbed a baseball bat and went to look. The skunk I stirred was actually better armed than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 165

You deserved it 2 054

01/11/2012 11:48

Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 820

You deserved it 4 892

22/07/2013 18:29

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 224

You deserved it 10 855

11/10/2015 03:30

Today, while babysitting my nephew, I was looking through a bin of toys, and I saw a fake spider. I picked it up to do a prank with. It wasn't fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 568

You deserved it 5 670

09/08/2016 00:23

Today, my mom said, "I'm sorry your life is such shit." She meant it as an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 924

You deserved it 1 339

19/12/2009 05:13

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 781

You deserved it 11 679

18/11/2009 19:41

Today, I found out I will not be getting my class ring. The jeweler has a policy against doing engravings that contain "obscene or offensive language or phrases". What obscene phrase did I want? My initials and year. W.T.F. 2010. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 867

You deserved it 3 129

24/12/2014 20:02

Today, my parents refused to give my daughter her Christmas presents as an act of revenge against her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 382

You deserved it 2 564

20/07/2018 15:00

Today, my fiancé forgot his wallet. He realized this once we were 5 hours away from home, before checking into a hotel, that had reservations under his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 403

You deserved it 317

05/03/2012 22:30

Spicy

Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horse-shit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 193

You deserved it 10 351

28/10/2015 04:10

Spicy

Today, I tried to hold my new boyfriend's hand while on a date. He let go quickly though, letting me know that we aren't at "that stage" of the relationship yet. We've been having sex for two weeks now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 948

You deserved it 5 814

01/07/2015 02:21

Today, I learned I don't have a yeast infection. I have herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 005

You deserved it 8 790

15/10/2011 06:58

Today, I saw an unbelievably cute guy. He caught my eye and began to walk towards me. I adjusted myself and flashed him a smile. He came up to me, smiled back, and said "Hi, do you have a minute for gay rights?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 435

You deserved it 8 343

16/04/2009 22:06

Today, I found my phone under the car seat after three days. I flipped it open ready to issue apologies to everyone who had tried to get in touch with me and I had worried. No missed calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 820

You deserved it 10 270

22/07/2014 05:55

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 870

You deserved it 26 951

04/04/2009 09:19

Today, I took my son for a walk to tell him about the passing of our family dog. As we were walking by the river, Ozzy (our deceased dog) was laying on the riverbank. My son thought he just ran away and we found him. Turns out my husband was too cheap to pay the 100$ vet disposal fees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 426

You deserved it 5 964

Febreze time of the month

By Lunar-Spice - 24/07/2021 02:01

Today, like every month, I'm able to tell when my period is going to come, down to the exact day. It becomes increasingly smelly, even before I've started, to the point where everyone around me can barely stand it. I can't do anything to get rid of the stench before it's actually started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 93

Great parenting

By not my responsibility - 05/10/2021 07:59

Today, my sister is upset that I won’t upturn my entire life by letting her kids stay at my house 4-5 days a week. She decided to move in with her boyfriend after one month, before even introducing him to her kids. Now he’s decided he doesn’t like the kids, so she wants me to keep them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 63

15/01/2017 10:00

Spicy

Today, I accidentally uploaded a video of me pleasing myself to my Snapchat story. Five people saw it before I could take it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 950

You deserved it 14 919

Cool look

By d0rk_ - 02/09/2011 20:44

Today, I was in English class when I had to use the bathroom. As I was signing out, the teacher said, "Don't forget the hall pass!" It was a plunger. I had to walk across the school with a plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 407

You deserved it 5 223

21/04/2013 17:36

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 124

You deserved it 6 417

11/01/2010 13:43

Today, I jumped into a pile of snow which had built up against a wall. Turns out it wasn't snow but a pile of cement covered by an inch of snow. I now have a 3 inch cut along my leg and a sprained wrist from falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 633

You deserved it 29 048

16/07/2011 22:52

Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 145

You deserved it 15 187

Breaking news

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 20:00

Today, my stepfather woke me up at two in the morning just to tell me he bought a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 122

17/12/2014 18:47

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 817

You deserved it 6 607

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:26

"Who was it?" "Dunno. Phone's broken"

sillydumpling 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:26

I hope you have a nokia

Comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:26

"Who was it?" "Dunno. Phone's broken"

Mooish 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:30

That's why I heard a boom before the phone ended.

littlemissFYL 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 1:50

Nope he's cheating on you that's why he didn't wanna talk in front of you. Dump his ass.

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 1:59

I think it said it was OP's cell phone so he's not cheating he's just an ass

KeyboardWarrior 10

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 2:33

57 WHAT AN ASSUMPTION. YOU SHOULD BECOME A DETECTIVE.

Cad6 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 2:47

^Were the caps really necessary?

Krirn 21

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 3:02

Based off his name, I'd say he went Super Saiyan.

KeyboardWarrior 10

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 3:40

INDEED I DID. YES THEY WERE NECESSARY. NO HOLDING BACK WHEN FIGHTING AGAINST INTERGALACTIC TYRANTS. YOU CAN THANK ME LATER.

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 5:51

I LOVE YOU.

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 5:53

57- He answered her phone. Not his...

RogueWarrior869 23

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 17:34

She said he threw /her/ cellphone. Not his.

haloofduty27 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:26

INCOMING!.....call

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 3:02

NO!! THIS IS PATRICK

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 4:12

Gotta do what ya gotta do to get away from a phone call

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 4:51

Must have thought it was a grenade.. "Call from Mo-OH MY GOD! FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Ahhh, Modern Warfare has ruined us.

Guren 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 10:59

Obviously he just watched The Ring..

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 17:09

121-You mean "One Missed Call"

sillydumpling 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:26

I hope you have a nokia

ElricMustang 23

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 1:28

That's because phones don't "brake". Remember kids: stay in school.

KeyboardWarrior 10

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 1:28

I know! One time, I was crossing the street and this Nokia nearly hit me! I mean, it was a red light and everything! Those Nokia's are crazy man, I tell ya.

Nevereverland 8

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 1:41

I was jumped by a nokia once, talk about connecting people..

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 1:44

then they'll have to fix that giant hole in the wall.

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 3:58

Guys please the big bang theory is a cover up for the first Nokia exploding.

MehrunesDagon456 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 24 September 2014 3:01

Actually don't hope for that. It would break the wall.

Cad6 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:27

Looks like you can't "cell" your phone anymore. :( sucks.

purpleamandapand 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:28

I don't think she was planning to... Nice try anyways.

Cad6 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:43

Holy shit this got thumbed down faster than my usual fail puns. I need to make my fails less failish (No, it's not a word).

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 1:11

Holy shit tits! Let's get better puns! (/-.-)/

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 2:40

Or... We could just give up on puns all together. CSI has ruined them all anyway.

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 4:24

Hahah Punny... NOT!

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 13:04

4, keep them coming I love puns!

idoam 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 April 2012 3:43

You've been punished.

rocker_chick105 31

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:27

I can only imagine what he would do if he had one of those moving alarm clocks...

bkingkingking 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:27

why would he be answering your phone? somebody sounds a teeny tiny bit obsessive... and violent

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:35

6 - can't tell if you're making a duck face or pulling a constipated look...

bkingkingking 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:36

...constipated duck

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:37

I'm pretty sure OP means he couldn't be bothered to deal with keys and commands on her phone to shut it up so he destroyed it instead. No violence inferred...

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:39

21 - Can you not see we are discussing constipated ducks? Please stop thread jacking.

sillydumpling 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:40

Both

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 4:01

Yes we've already established that it's both. Now we're talking about #21 thread jacking. Please keep up with the program next time.

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:28

Sooo I'm guessing they won't be calling back?

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:29

Return the favor?

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 4:36

Because that's a reasonable reaction to respond to a phone ringing, what an idiot your bf is... Holy fuck..

MonsterCommenter 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:29

Thats a "dropped" call.

purpleamandapand 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:30

More like a thrown call!

KeyboardWarrior 10

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 1:30

"Your call has been launched."

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:30

Ive done the same. Sleep is very important.

ElricMustang 23

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 3:59

Lol name + pic = win!

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 9:01

Haha, thank you for the compliment. My dog will be thrilled too.

ElricMustang 23

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 13:05

Yea you can tell by his expression haha

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 April 2012 20:46

Moreover, waking guys from sleep suddenly, like the sharp sound of a phone ringing, can cause an adrenaline reaction. What comes then is often uncontrollable to an extent