Today, in the midst of sleep, my boyfriend hurled my cellphone...

By Anonymous - 2/4/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, in the midst of sleep, my boyfriend hurled my cellphone across the room and into the wall because he couldn't be bothered to pick up or hang up an incoming call. FML

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Miscellaneous

Workaholic

Buzzing the tower

Great guy

By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 19:06 - Denmark

Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML

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By sihehe - 28/4/2020 05:00

Hide and seek

Today, my cat got diarrhea. My house is under renovation at the moment. I can smell it, but I don't know where it is. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 05:13 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, I learned that if you complain to your mom about your future mother-in-law's bitchiness, your overprotective mom might confront her about it and end up punching her in the face. My fiancée blames me for the incident. FML

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By totalloss - 1/4/2012 16:15 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I had to sit between my parents in the car as they argued with one another for a whole hour over whether or not a thumb is a finger. FML

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By drew - 18/12/2010 20:22 - United States

Today, I was run over by my own car as I tried to push it out of a snowbank. FML

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By feartheend511 - 19/8/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML

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By Gremlin - 24/6/2012 00:10 - United Kingdom - Staines

Today, I noticed that my son only really looks like me when he's straining to take a dump. FML

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By dude, where's my balls? :( - 22/12/2012 20:25 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my mom and I went to Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. She picked up some presents for me and told me not to look at what she was buying. When we got to the register, she didn't have enough money, and I ended up having to buy my own presents. FML

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By ChrisD2V - 1/12/2011 03:52 - United States

Today, I photocopied several hundred pages of my school's textbook because I didn't want to buy it. My school later says to just buy it and it will be reimbursed. FML

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By j - 26/7/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I ran out of gas while driving, and had to call a tow truck. I drive a tow truck. FML

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By chlolivia - 14/2/2012 00:28 - Canada

Today, my bra burst apart in the middle of class. I then had the privilege of asking my male teacher if I could borrow his stapler to put it back together. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2013 05:08 - United Kingdom - Frome

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

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By sonja_n - 10/10/2019 23:00 - Australia - Kew

Pentaxed

Today, I lost my balance while crossing a creek and fell in. I had my camera on me at the time. It's fried, and I don't have the $2K I need to replace it. FML

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By Disturbed - 30/12/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, I just found out that my brother in law and his wife frequent a swingers establishment that me and the wife have visited. Which is OK I suppose (providing we never see each other there) but he told me his parents go there too. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2020 14:00

Dad jokes, part 43884

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad, who it turns out is such an anime nerd he decided to overplay the "idiot overprotective dad" character all afternoon, including making the dramatic faces, playing theme music from his phone, and at one point threatening my genitals with an oversized foam battle axe. FML

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By owned - 24/1/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, while babysitting, the little boy explained to me why I was single, reasons such as 'unattractive' and 'not the girlfriend type'. I cried. FML

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By bbt - 18/8/2018 22:00

Today, out of the 35 people invited, only one person showed up to my bridal shower. It was my grandma. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2012 07:00 - United States

Today, I had an hour long meeting with my manager where she informed me the reason I had not been promoted is because she felt that people would not like to work for me, because I would, "make them do their job." FML

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By la poisse - 19/11/2008 05:59 - France

Today, I spent the night in hospital. As soon as I was alone, I writhed and twisted in all directions in my attempts to pee in a bottle left precisely for that purpose. It was at that moment that the doctor, a good-looking guy, came in. My legs were spread wide and I was right in the middle of doing my business. FML

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By IamHM - 19/7/2016 18:36 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I am on a 14 hour flight, stuck next to a large man whose rancid body odor is eclipsed only by his constant flatulence, which he loudly blames on me every time. On my other side is his friend who laughs like a moose at everything. There are no empty seats and no-one will trade with me. FML

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By Olive - 19/12/2008 04:11 - France

Today, and for the last two weeks I have been preparing my girlfriend for a break up with nasty remarks. She has been finding me exceptionally funny. FML

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By dating a pussy - 18/2/2014 21:15 - United States - Maryville

Scream

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

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By imfucked - 26/7/2019 14:00

Today, I found out the paycheck I deposited on Tuesday bounced. This means that the checks I sent to my landlord, the electric and gas company and my mom will also bounce. When I told my boss, we got into an argument over bank fees and he fired me. I had thumped him, though. FML

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By rock'n roller - 3/12/2013 03:42

Today, my bandmate and I decided to propose to our girlfriends, who are also in the band, at the same time in the middle of a concert. His girlfriend said yes. Mine ran off the stage crying. FML

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By chestycough - 16/9/2013 04:35 - Australia - Belrose

Today, my doctor asked me to undo my bra so he could check my breathing without the straps restricting my lungs, I got home and told my friends how awkward it was. Not one of them has had this happen to them before. We all go to the same doctor. FML

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By bingalingading - 3/1/2015 01:46 - United States - Owosso

Today, my fiancée and I were making plans for our wedding when my soon-to-be mother-in-law chimed in with, "You know, she can still get out of this. I got the dress for her but we can save it for the next guy." I'm not sure if she's joking or not. FML

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By not telling you my name - 7/8/2015 15:16 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML

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By soulaar - 2/10/2015 14:22 - Vietnam - Dong Nai

Today, I was sitting outside in a pair of shorts. After about 15 minutes of getting weird looks from people, I realized my cock was sticking out of a hole that wasn't in my shorts when I put them on. FML

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By anon - 18/7/2019 14:00

Today, my wife and I got into an argument. She ran out, yelling. Later, at work, I felt guilty, so I picked up some flowers and a card. When I presented them to her, she looked puzzled. I made the mistake of reminding her about our argument. She is now mad at me, again. FML

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By shitty shit - 26/5/2015 15:40 - United States - Carmel

Today, I was looking at old pictures with my mom and saw one of myself crying in kindergarten. I asked why I was crying. She said that was the day a boy kissed me on the cheek, and I thought I'd gotten pregnant. She then decided to give me the sex talk. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2012 05:13 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I had to re-grade a student's assignments because neither he, nor his parents can read "Spanish." I'd written in cursive. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2014 19:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

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By Shirley - 15/2/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, while out for our romantic Valentine's dinner, my boyfriend of 2 and a half years told me that he believes in females being subservient, that I'm not allowed to have opinions anymore, that he is "the alpha dog" and I'm merely the "beta dog", and that I have to "get used to it." FML

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By Minecraftwhyyy - 22/8/2012 15:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I reached that point in our relationship where just a simple phone conversation was too boring. His idea to spice things up? Playing Minecraft together. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2015 02:41 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML

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By Aaron - 26/8/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML

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By nothappywithlife - 30/3/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML

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By stanDman - 19/1/2009 18:05 - Canada

Today, I was jerking one off and my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes... that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 02:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend announced he has stopped wearing deodorant because he thinks his BO smells "manly." FML

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Top comments

By Redoxx_fml | 22

#4251010 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:26

"Who was it?"
"Dunno. Phone's broken"

By sillydumpling | 0

#4251023 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:26

I hope you have a nokia

COMMENTS

By Redoxx_fml | 22

#4251010 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:26

"Who was it?"
"Dunno. Phone's broken"

Mooish | 18

#4251062 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:30

That's why I heard a boom before the phone ended.

littlemissFYL | 5

#4252072 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 1:50

Nope he's cheating on you that's why he didn't wanna talk in front of you. Dump his ass.

meelo88 | 13

#4252111 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 1:59

I think it said it was OP's cell phone so he's not cheating he's just an ass

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#4252265 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 2:33

57 WHAT AN ASSUMPTION. YOU SHOULD BECOME A DETECTIVE.

Cad6 | 24

#4252313 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 2:47

^Were the caps really necessary?

Krirn | 21

#4252351 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 3:02

Based off his name, I'd say he went Super Saiyan.

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#4252464 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 3:40

INDEED I DID. YES THEY WERE NECESSARY. NO HOLDING BACK WHEN FIGHTING AGAINST INTERGALACTIC TYRANTS. YOU CAN THANK ME LATER.

oksowhat | 0

#4252870 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 5:51

I LOVE YOU.

oksowhat | 0

#4252876 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 5:53

57- He answered her phone. Not his...

RogueWarrior869 | 23

#4254355 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 17:34

She said he threw /her/ cellphone. Not his.

By haloofduty27 | 12

#4251017 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:26

INCOMING!.....call

SLKBlack96 | 5

#4252349 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 3:02

NO!! THIS IS PATRICK

jtthegr8 | 26

#4252553 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 4:12

Gotta do what ya gotta do to get away from a phone call

iBanana | 17

#4252682 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 4:51

Must have thought it was a grenade.. "Call from Mo-OH MY GOD! FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Ahhh, Modern Warfare has ruined us.

Guren | 0

#4253515 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 10:59

Obviously he just watched The Ring..

Redoxx_fml | 22

#4254332 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 17:09

121-You mean "One Missed Call"

By sillydumpling | 0

#4251023 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:26

I hope you have a nokia

ElricMustang | 23

#4251952 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 1:28

That's because phones don't "brake". Remember kids: stay in school.

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#4251954 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 1:28

I know! One time, I was crossing the street and this Nokia nearly hit me! I mean, it was a red light and everything! Those Nokia's are crazy man, I tell ya.

Nevereverland | 8

#4252023 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 1:41

I was jumped by a nokia once, talk about connecting people..

alexup24 | 13

#4252052 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 1:44

then they'll have to fix that giant hole in the wall.

domking1315 | 20

#4252511 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 3:58

Guys please the big bang theory is a cover up for the first Nokia exploding.

MehrunesDagon456 | 20

#6072624 - Wednesday 24 September 2014 3:01

Actually don't hope for that. It would break the wall.

By Cad6 | 24

#4251026 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:27

Looks like you can't "cell" your phone anymore. :( sucks.

purpleamandapand | 6

#4251036 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:28

I don't think she was planning to... Nice try anyways.

Cad6 | 24

#4251159 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:43

Holy shit this got thumbed down faster than my usual fail puns. I need to make my fails less failish (No, it's not a word).

SkoomaKi | 27

#4251873 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 1:11

Holy shit tits! Let's get better puns! (/-.-)/

fromthesuck | 8

#4252292 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 2:40

Or... We could just give up on puns all together. CSI has ruined them all anyway.

williamh327 | 5

#4252597 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 4:24

Hahah
Punny... NOT!

ladyLALAA | 28

#4253744 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 13:04

4, keep them coming I love puns!

idoam | 8

#4256369 - Wednesday 4 April 2012 3:43

You've been punished.

By rocker_chick105 | 31

#4251028 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:27

I can only imagine what he would do if he had one of those moving alarm clocks...

By bkingkingking | 13

#4251030 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:27

why would he be answering your phone? somebody sounds a teeny tiny bit obsessive... and violent

SkoomaKi | 27

#4251108 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:35

6 - can't tell if you're making a duck face or pulling a constipated look...

bkingkingking | 13

#4251121 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:36

...constipated duck

livkoko | 15

#4251131 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:37

I'm pretty sure OP means he couldn't be bothered to deal with keys and commands on her phone to shut it up so he destroyed it instead. No violence inferred...

SkoomaKi | 27

#4251140 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:39

21 - Can you not see we are discussing constipated ducks? Please stop thread jacking.

sillydumpling | 0

#4251145 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:40

Both

domking1315 | 20

#4252526 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 4:01

Yes we've already established that it's both. Now we're talking about #21 thread jacking. Please keep up with the program next time.

By 21jason | 9

#4251032 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:28

Sooo I'm guessing they won't be calling back?

By SkoomaKi | 27

#4251046 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:29

Return the favor?

olpally | 32

#4252630 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 4:36

Because that's a reasonable reaction to respond to a phone ringing, what an idiot your bf is... Holy fuck..

By MonsterCommenter | 4

#4251048 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:29

Thats a "dropped" call.

purpleamandapand | 6

#4251068 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:30

More like a thrown call!

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#4251971 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 1:30

"Your call has been launched."

By calmyourself | 7

#4251059 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:30

Ive done the same. Sleep is very important.

ElricMustang | 23

#4252515 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 3:59

Lol name + pic = win!

calmyourself | 7

#4253334 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 9:01

Haha, thank you for the compliment. My dog will be thrilled too.

ElricMustang | 23

#4253749 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 13:05

Yea you can tell by his expression haha

cajekraze | 7

#4254793 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 20:46

Moreover, waking guys from sleep suddenly, like the sharp sound of a phone ringing, can cause an adrenaline reaction. What comes then is often uncontrollable to an extent