Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, I met up with a girl I've been hanging out with a bunch recently. She said that we should be a couple, "unless you have a micropenis", then laughed. I actually do have a micropenis. I couldn't hold it together, and ran out of the bar, crying. FML
Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML
Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML
Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML
Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear "If you go home with my son make sure he wears a condom." FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
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Top comments
EvilTurtle 35
It's not about the size of the boat, it's about the motion of the ocean.
rebeccacmlc 22
That's an awful thing to say ... Privacy, intimacy should be respected by everyone, especially those closest to you, and most of all your mother !
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Comments (104)
lationas 25
I would've clocked her right in the kisser, since women want equality, and all that entails.
Fetuskicker666 15
As long as the captain can stay in port long enough to get both parties off is all that matters.
vikky538 28
Now you have nothing to worry about or to be embarrassed about. Just ask the girl you like
worldclassrager 39
How the hell does she know about it.......actually I don't want to know... She's drunk are things drunkingly said always taken to heart? I for one say no...it should blow over...but maybe some enlargement pills might not be a bad idea if you are still unconfident after this coming up
Keiraquarium 12
Because she's his mother and probably gave him baths, dressed him, took him to the doctors etc. for many years? I'd imagine that by the time he was like 6 or 7 she would've been able to tell that he had the condition.
ohSNAPyall 26
Your mom had to have known that would embarrass you. I'm wondering if she wanted attention because she was drunk and so felt it was OK to embarrass someone else.
bad_boyfriend 10
I honestly hope this is fake. That is just ******.
rec_chem 22
I can't help but wonder how your mom knows the size of your penis...
middlenamefrank 8
Of all the possible things to be concerned about in a potential mate, if that's the one she's concerned about, she's not worth your time anyhow.
speakfreely 21
Moms, forever **** blocking since birth
Badkarma4u 17
Just remind her when she gets old you are going to make sure she spends her golden years in the rapiest, dingiest, smelliest rest home on the planet.