Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, I met up with a girl I've been hanging out with a bunch recently. She said that we should be a couple, "unless you have a micropenis", then laughed. I actually do have a micropenis. I couldn't hold it together, and ran out of the bar, crying. FML
Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML
Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML
Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML
Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear "If you go home with my son make sure he wears a condom." FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
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Top comments
EvilTurtle 35
It's not about the size of the boat, it's about the motion of the ocean.
rebeccacmlc 22
That's an awful thing to say ... Privacy, intimacy should be respected by everyone, especially those closest to you, and most of all your mother !
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Comments (104)
beeferjay 34
there's no shame in having a needle dick... you still have fingers and a tongue and toys to assist you in your carnal exploits
earlytermination 34
Horrible thing your mother did. I'm sorry OP.
jttorkildson 21
Don't let this get you down. I read an article where women describe having sex with someone with a micropenis, and most of them said it had little to no impact on the quality of the relationship itself, or the quality of the sex. As long as you're respectful, enthusiastic and open to honest communication, then your sex life should be awesome. And let's get real here: if that girl liked you before this happened and lets it keep her from being with you, then she's shallow and judgmental and not worth being upset over.
mishwarner 14
Bull! Size matters. My partner is amazing in bed, foreplay included, but being well endowed just makes every aspect of sex incredibly good. We don't have to restrict our practices
ashleymeshell 15
I agree with #23. I have had big and small... personally the guy who was big sucked in bed... he didn't know how to use it... out of my experience its definitely the motion of the ocean that matters.
spicypie 10
Was it a buzzfeed article?
jttorkildson 21
#69 lol probably. But I've read others as well. I did research when I found out it was a real condition because I was interested. #45 I'm glad for you that you have a good sex life, and if size matters to you, then I'm glad your partner is well-endowed. Lots of women don't need penetrative sex to be satisfied though - clitoral stimulation is where it's at - and some prefer a smaller penis because they're also smaller down there. And penis size has literally no impact on how well someone performs *********** or other sex acts that don't include the penis. Assuming the sex will be bad, or that a person isn't worth a relationship because they have a certain type of penis is ridiculous.
kobomk 5
your mouth is your weapon
elcee1987 18
What a prick.
MuffinTheMan 12
badum tss
alexxxx92 9
buy a smart car then everyone will think you have nothing to compensate.
Solano2580 24
How unlucky, not even 1% of human males have it, only 0.6% have this, if it has a huge impact then try hormonal treatment or surgery if you want to be average, i'm a guy yet I have the body of an anorexic girl with an A cup, and the uh "over developed proportions" down there, honestly that's the only benefit of having the genetic condition I have, though the disadvantages certainly outweigh the advantages
tantanpanda 26
difference here is you can bulk up. OP doesn't really have many options regarding his problem.
LuckBeNimble 19
yeah, way to turn OPs mishap into a way to complain about having a big dick.
Candied_person 13
Most surgeries cause permit damage and are irreversible
asdadfhowrh 23
size doesn't matter if you know the art of foreplay.
TiggyBonkers 32
To be honest, some women are into that. Your chances aren't ruined! Dont you worry. Also, size doesn't matter. It's how you use it.
countdini2000 13
At least they had no trouble swallowing it.