Today, unfortunately, my new husband's idea of foreplay is to tap me on the shoulder and tell me to roll over. I saved myself for marriage for this? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello?" This is his idea of foreplay. FML
Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML
Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML
Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML
Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML
Today, my husband was trying to be sexy, and asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger". Major mood kill. FML
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML
Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML
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Top comments
FarFromHome_fml 17
You know you can still say no, right? Just because you're married doesn't mean you're forced to have sex every time he wants to. If you aren't feeling it say no. If you want him to put some effort in tell him so.
askullnamedbilly 33
If he saved himself for marriage too and you're the kind of people who have a moral issue with things like ****, masturbation, sex ed etc., he might simply not know any better. Sit him down, tell him that women generally don't come as quickly and easily as men and that we usually need some work before the actual sex can happen. Good luck.
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Comments (53)
Rabite 28
I always wonder what people who save themselves for marriage expect. It seems that it's not something that's realistic.
davidisin 14
I ate the pepper
Unenunciable 14
What if this is the incredibly depressing follow-up to the FML by the woman who waited for marriage only to have her husband "accidentally" put it in the wrong hole????
lilithfury 23
At least he's interested in you. He could just ignore you, and jerk off every night while you stay in bed wondering why you aren't good enough.
thenewgirl29 20
Tbh, I don't understand not having sex before marriage. How do you know what you like, don't like, etc. Unless you explore it safely with someone you trust.
Chazzster 32
Only a fool would buy a car without driving it. Only a fool would buy a house without going inside. Only a fool would get married without having had sex with their partner on a regular basis. It's the only way to know if you are sexually compatible.
Kramer1998 20
Maybe that worked for someone else, its your job to tell him what you like!
ladytigerhunts 20
Always take him for a test drive before marrying. Always.
annalily5 28
I feel like the "He's not a mind reader!" excuse only works to a certain degree. It's a good excuse for him being bad at foreplay, or not knowing what his wife likes. It's not so great an excuse for none at all. Hell, unless he's already been day dreaming himself into a raging boner, most guys take a little more foreplay than that, so it's a little selfish to expect OP to roll over and already be good to go.
vein86 6
Your fault, you should test before buying. Other way is to explain him what foreplay is, and guide him. He doesn't know what are you thinking, communication is the key.