Today, unfortunately, my new husband's idea of foreplay is to tap me on the shoulder and tell me to roll over. I saved myself for marriage for this? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello?" This is his idea of foreplay. FML
Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML
Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML
Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML
Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML
Today, my husband was trying to be sexy, and asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger". Major mood kill. FML
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML
Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML
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Top comments
FarFromHome_fml 17
You know you can still say no, right? Just because you're married doesn't mean you're forced to have sex every time he wants to. If you aren't feeling it say no. If you want him to put some effort in tell him so.
askullnamedbilly 33
If he saved himself for marriage too and you're the kind of people who have a moral issue with things like ****, masturbation, sex ed etc., he might simply not know any better. Sit him down, tell him that women generally don't come as quickly and easily as men and that we usually need some work before the actual sex can happen. Good luck.
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Comments (53)
kikzermeizer 7
Super annoying OP. Have either of you ever had sex? If not, then it's like doing anything else it'll get better the more you practise :D he's probably just as lost. If you have, ******* talk to him! Who does that?!
alaskanessy 8
Good Lord, woman, open your damn mouth & say no. You both need to have a very honest conversation about what is lacking in your sex life. Can't believe you obey "roll over" like its a command.
Bearsmomma 30
Without a follow-up there is no way to know if she complied or said no.
Looseseal 1
If you're foolish enough to believe sex will be great the first time if you "save yourself, " then ydi. Learn from this lesson and don't believe the other bs your religion is feeding you.
liyate 18
"And the little one said Roll over!"
motoikkyu 13
You may become resentful over time, that is likely. This can become a "deal-breaker", so better to intervene now and insist on some couples counseling: this provides a safe environment to discuss intimacy issues. It could save your sanity and your marriage.
Jay18 22
I'm 15 and a virgin please someone define foreplay
brainfever 1
It's what sex partners do before the "main" sex act, usually penetration. Since the huge majority of women are not ready for sex at the drop of the hat, foreplay is necessary for it to be fun (and not painful, since sex without lubrication is generally the worst). I wish I could tell every 15-year-old this so I'm going to risk sounding preachy: it is absolutely essential that both partners are enthusiastic and explicitly willing to have sex every time. The OP's FML is not a good example of this. Also, BE SAFE, use condoms, don't be in a rush to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. And whether you're a boy or girl, no one has the right to pressure you into sex. Good luck!
Le_ponderer 14
#74, foreplay is when you spend time kissing, stroking and touching each other so that you become more comfortable (sexually) with each other. It is essential for setting the right mood for lovemaking.
Cory951 1
thats what you get for waiting lol
brainfever 1
Everybody please stop scolding the OP for waiting until marriage. The hypocritical pressure on girls to be "pure," plus a lack of decent sexual education for everybody, is the culprit here.
ScottyR78 5
Really hope this is a certain woman in Colorado. Lol
jvanevery 19
this is why everybody should have premarital sex it's like a test drive on a new car