Today, unfortunately, my new husband's idea of foreplay is to tap me on the shoulder and tell me to roll over. I saved myself for marriage for this? FML
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70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello?" This is his idea of foreplay. FML
Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML
Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML
Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML
Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML
Today, my husband was trying to be sexy, and asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger". Major mood kill. FML
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML
Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML
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Top comments
FarFromHome_fml 17
You know you can still say no, right? Just because you're married doesn't mean you're forced to have sex every time he wants to. If you aren't feeling it say no. If you want him to put some effort in tell him so.
askullnamedbilly 33
If he saved himself for marriage too and you're the kind of people who have a moral issue with things like ****, masturbation, sex ed etc., he might simply not know any better. Sit him down, tell him that women generally don't come as quickly and easily as men and that we usually need some work before the actual sex can happen. Good luck.
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Comments (53)
ChristinePi 36
Why I'm fond of "try it before you buy it."
vOIDmASS 13
Everyone is being so polite and I appreciate that, but tell your husband he needs to put the damn work in. No work, no play.
bfo76 8
This is exactly why waiting for marriage is sheer stupidity. Time to sit him down and tell him he gets nothing until he starts working with you so that it's enjoyable for both of you
Spongegirlcs 17
He's not a mind reader. Tell him what you want. Most men are excited and happy to please their wives in bed and want to do well but you have to tell them in a way that is loving and encouraging. First, tell him what he does well then ask him if he will take more time to do this, that, and that thing with the tongue before he does the tube snake boogie. Be ready for some constructive criticism in return. Practice on a vegetable of your choice to learn not to use your teeth. :)
heyLaddieHey 18
Welcome to what happens when neither of you have any experience lol. Anyway, not during sex time, you're going to have to explain foreplay and turn up the drama of what happens when a female is not properly prepared for sex (vaginal tearing, etc). ****, Wikipedia, romance novels...all places to start your foreplay adventures.
Bearsmomma 30
Yes, explain all that and hope he's willing to work at bettering the intimacy. I wish you luck. Talk and explanations didn't work for my marriage, He's too selfish to care about tearing and all that. And does what he wants even after a firm "no". good luck.
Strega 5
you mean your husband is raping you? Call the police and report him, he is abusing you. It is the worst way of cheating, because it is cheating on loyalty.
KrDizzy 16
Do you also buy vehicles without test driving them?
DanielleinDC 34
And this is why "saving yourself for marriage" is a bad idea. You wouldn't buy a car without test-driving it, would you? You can't base a marriage off your sex life, but it is an important factor, and if you aren't compatible, it can affect other areas of your relationship. But you did wait, and now you and your husband need to have a talk about your needs in bed--because, guess what, women are sexual creatures too. If you have an ethical concern with ****, maybe get some naughty books to read (nobody is being exploited when it's words on a page),perhaps some marital guides, and other things to give you information on improving your sex life. Good luck!
Flyndaran 10
It's not the saving oneself that's the issue. It's not researching, knowing oneself, or talking when the final act isn't what one wants or needs.
SmittyJA24 26
If he can't cut the mustard, tell him to lick the jar.
sazarra 14
Seriously? Maybe you should have a conversation with him about how that's not okay. Start by reading him the definition of foreplay.
jlmed 9
Answer: Down boy.
rogerover 19
EXACTLY!