Today, unfortunately, my new husband's idea of foreplay is to tap me on the shoulder and tell me to roll over. I saved myself for marriage for this? FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello?" This is his idea of foreplay. FML
Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML
Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML
Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML
Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML
Today, my husband was trying to be sexy, and asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger". Major mood kill. FML
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML
Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML
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Top comments
FarFromHome_fml 17
You know you can still say no, right? Just because you're married doesn't mean you're forced to have sex every time he wants to. If you aren't feeling it say no. If you want him to put some effort in tell him so.
askullnamedbilly 33
If he saved himself for marriage too and you're the kind of people who have a moral issue with things like ****, masturbation, sex ed etc., he might simply not know any better. Sit him down, tell him that women generally don't come as quickly and easily as men and that we usually need some work before the actual sex can happen. Good luck.
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Comments (53)
davedp3 4
And this children is why you shouldn't wait til marriage....
graphicstyle7 17
If you can't communicate with him on your own, time to see a counselor. It's pretty important, trust me.
Zebediabolical 45
I truly hope you're having a conversation with him about this issue instead of just complaining about it on the internet.
int15 18
This is why you always go for a test drive before buying a car.
Gorkiy 2
This should be a lesson for everyone. Don't wait!
Bearsmomma 30
meant to "like". sorry
christen09 8
Yes everyone, let's be ***** and screw everyone we date.
domolovesyoshi 33
Communication is everything in marriage and relationships, you need to talk to him about it.
Le_ponderer 14
A friend of mine who had a similar situation talked to her husband; in a bid to improve their sex life. Problem was, she didn't know what she would enjoy. So he got food dye, took a paint brush and drew lines on her, demarcating her body. They both concentrated on exploring each "zone" and made a list of what she enjoyed there. Then it was his turn... I still remember her smile when I recall this story :-)
hemiol 30
That's an amazing story! Good for her, and a good idea!
saberjpg 6
For better or worse, this is the guy you married. However, all is not lost. Now you get to tell him what you like, how you like it, what turns you on, and what doesn't (such things like saying "Roll over"). You can suggest all kinds of fun things to make your sex life exactly what you want it to be. He isn't psychic, but he is a guy. He will probably do whatever you ask if it means he's getting some action.
rogerover 19
Tell him no more until he gives you some good oral. You gotta teach him some skills.
EbyKat 16
I really recommend you both read a book called She Comes First. You need some educated communication.
Bearsmomma 30
I am now curious, so I just went to Amazon and ordered it. Thanks for the info.