Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML
Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML
Today, I was on the subway. I have fairly serious OCD, so I avoided holding the poles or handles. All the seats were taken, so I leaned against a wall. At the next stop, an obese, sweaty man got on and grabbed the two poles around me, effectively hugging me. My shirt was wet when he left. FML
Today, I gave up my seat on the subway for an elderly man. He thanked me by grabbing my ass. FML
Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML
Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML
Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML
Today, I took a busy train into the city. I was lucky enough to get a seat. People were forced to stand in the aisle in front of me, and the person directly opposite me, whose butt was level with my head farted in my face. Twice. FML
Today, I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I crossed my legs, tossed back my hair, and raised my eyebrows slightly. As he came up to me, my heart started racing until he finally started flirting... with the girl next to me. FML
Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML
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Top comments
bekahshae 0
After you got off, you should have said, "Now that'll be twenty dollars."
lucaso86 0
YAY for creepy boners
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Comments (186)
gummibehrs 4
Are you ******* obsessed with Intoxicunt? Creepy stalker.
ZDrache 0
My first reaction was that this guy's a disgusting prick. Then I thought it was probably an accident, like for some reason a lot of guys "Can't help it." But you're supposed to have techniques, like learning to think about dog shit or something to make your woody go away. Plus, he could have turned around. In situations like this you're supposed to say loudly "Could the man behind me kindly stop poking his crotch into my behind." You could always replace it with "Take his hand off my behind" if you feel worried about throwing loud accusations around.
Unsaturatedfatty 0
YDI for not asking the guy loudly to turn around because he has a boner in your ass. I hate that people are afraid of being embarassed by something that someone else is doing to them. You should have embarrased him into moving.
SasounChan 3
YDI. Seriously, he knows he's got a boner, and he was being a pig. Tell that SOB to gtf off you!
elizanena9 0
should've just yelled, "RAPE!". then he'd be the one writing the fml.
WorkThatButt 2
Work That Ass
Hockeymaniac 0
best fml ever
Greyst0ne 0
get your sexy on
javiers_3rd 0
I am a medical student and there is actually a name for people who enjoy rubbing up against others in crowded places because it's arousing for them. It's a psychatric disorder called "frotteurism". Check it out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frotteurism ....I'd feel violated too if I were you.
javiers_3rd 0
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