Love: Today, I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 103

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 40

29/04/2009 10:12

Today, I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I crossed my legs, tossed back my hair, and raised my eyebrows slightly. As he came up to me, my heart started racing until he finally started flirting... with the girl next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 055

You deserved it 12 159

The smell detective is on the case

Broken heart

Renters' rights

Friendzone 2.0

By NeverNumberOne - 23/04/2018 01:30

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my best friend to go on a date with me. She assumed I meant a double date and squealed, "Who's the lucky guy?!" She thought I was her gay best friend for the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 761

You deserved it 701

24/02/2010 03:41

Today, I was chatting with a cute guy on Omegle. He seemed really friendly and interested after I had showed him a picture of me. When I mentioned that I play music, he seemed even more interested, so I gave him the link to my music Myspace. I waited patiently. He disconnected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 559

You deserved it 26 018

22/02/2009 03:16

Spicy

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 988

You deserved it 7 193

20/02/2010 02:21

Today, I was in a public restroom when someone took the toilet next to mine. Moments later, a used tampon rolls into my cubicle followed by an "Oops!" A creeping hand then promptly reached under to retrieve it. Both her hand and the tampon touched my bare toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 587

You deserved it 4 210

28/11/2010 07:10

Spicy

Today, while sleeping over at my girlfriend's house for the first time, I got up to go to the bathroom. I went to go back and once in the room asked, "You ready for round two baby?" The light came on and at this moment I realized I went into her parents bedroom by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 115

You deserved it 44 883

24/10/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 519

You deserved it 6 980

28/07/2018 12:30

Today, I found out that my parents lied to me about my GPA so they could go back on our agreement of "3.0 or above or summer school" and had no intention of honoring the agreement anyway. I've been in summer school doing catch-up for kicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 622

You deserved it 481

25/03/2014 01:52

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 063

You deserved it 3 205

05/10/2010 07:43

Today, I was given a $25 gift certificate for being Employee Of The Week. The gift certificate was 6 months past its expiration date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 091

You deserved it 2 824

Instagone

By Anonymous - 02/01/2018 22:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost four years was breaking up with me when she captioned an Instagram post saying, "Who else besides me is going into 2018 single?" I had already bought an engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 217

You deserved it 320

The Big Book of Baby Names

By please don’t - 08/06/2020 02:00

Today, I had to explain to my sister in law why it’s a terrible idea to name her baby Aryan just because she likes the way it sounds. We’re all African Americans, but she still doesn’t see the issue with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 214

08/07/2011 20:02

Today, I noticed a woman struggling to work a parking meter, so I went over to help. She took one look at me before screaming, hitting me in the face, and running back to her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 129

You deserved it 3 601

20/02/2009 16:16

Today, I was at a bar with a friend. A guy came up to me, took my drink and drank it. I laughed and jokingly said "now, you have to buy me a drink." He said "I would rather buy your friend a drink." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 962

You deserved it 4 136

18/10/2010 23:28

Today, I slipped and sprained my ankle while shopping for a present for my husband, who later came home and tripped over my elevated leg, hurting my ankle again. Now I have an excruciating sprain, and a spouse who's furious at me because "I shouldn't have tried to surprise him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 281

You deserved it 2 833

29/03/2019 22:00

Today, my flute broke. I have an exam coming tomorrow and all repair shops are closed. I guess I’ll have to lose £150. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 711

You deserved it 159

27/06/2019 06:36

Today, I got angry at my computer, and instead of bashing my keyboard with my fists, I bashed my face on the keyboard. It REALLY hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 2 781

12/10/2016 23:55

Today, I discovered that my roommate is a drug dealer and has been keeping her product in our flat. I discovered this when several police officers broke down my bathroom door and arrested me while I was in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 625

You deserved it 706

17/08/2018 14:30

Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 443

You deserved it 201

26/08/2015 08:04

Today, I had my daughter babysit her 2-year-old brother while I went out with my husband. I told her not to let him out of her sight. She certainly did as I said; when I tuned into our internet-enabled baby monitor, I heard her and some guy having sex in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 520

You deserved it 2 894

30/07/2016 03:14

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I was learning how to start having lucid dreams. She was convinced the only reason I could possibly want to have them was so I could cheat on her in my own dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 300

You deserved it 1 312

01/06/2015 22:45

Today, frustrated with my very energetic kids, I told them that if they dug a hole deep enough in the backyard, they'd find China. What they really found was the previous owner's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 861

You deserved it 8 220

It's frostbite time!

By Freezing - 24/03/2020 05:06

Today, the whole upstairs was so cold that I had to wear mittens inside. When I asked my parents why it was so cold, they replied that to save money, they had decided not to heat the upstairs, since "nobody is ever up there, anyway." My bedroom is upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 614

You deserved it 129

17/09/2009 12:46

Today, I was running late for work. As I hurried out the door, I managed to trip over my own feet, fall off the front porch, and key my new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 328

You deserved it 7 489

03/06/2014 20:44

Today, a customer yelled at me so furiously that she sprayed my face with spittle. I had to stand there, smiling and politely explaining that I needed to see a receipt before I could give her a refund. When she finally gave up and left, my boss bitched me out for "provoking the customer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 895

You deserved it 4 011

Happy Reset Day!

By TheSaddestSpiceMeatball - 30/10/2019 16:00

Today, it was mine and my fiancé's 4 year anniversary. What did he get me? Nothing, but I did find out he's been cheating on me with multiple women. Guess I’m back to 0 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 008

You deserved it 146

15/02/2009 06:06

Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 287

You deserved it 33 718

07/11/2012 23:48

Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 149

You deserved it 2 157

24/01/2011 19:18

Today, was my first day at a new job. I was really pleased with how much positive attention I was getting in a mainly male office. Guess whose shirt was see-through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 709

You deserved it 36 213

01/11/2013 18:38

Today, I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation included my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 878

You deserved it 3 191

31/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was sitting with my best friend and we were watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 2 986

05/09/2012 16:25

Today, my teacher assigned us teams in a class debate. I landed on the team that had to argue the obviously wrong point of view. When I finished, my teacher told me and the entire class how much I disturbed her, and how I reminded her of Hitler and Napoleon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 580

You deserved it 2 554

03/09/2012 08:39

Today, I was in a terrific mood after finding a bouquet of beautiful flowers on my doorstep when I came home. That is, until I recognised the handwriting of my "secret admirer" was the same as my mother's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 989

You deserved it 2 199

03/05/2017 18:00

Today, my boss took back my week off because he wants to take a spontaneous Caribbean vacation with his wife, which is "clearly more important" than what I was going to do. I needed that time off so I could be with my Dad in hospice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 681

You deserved it 241

Suspicious

By Confused - 23/09/2020 17:01

Today, I texted my boyfriend, asking him to meet me when he finished work. Paranoid as he is, he took this to mean that I wanted to break up with him, and is ghosting me into oblivion. All I wanted was to see him on our 4-year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 141

13/09/2015 14:22

Today, I received a call from my wife. It would've been great if she hadn't left on a business trip 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 976

You deserved it 1 591

21/06/2014 19:57

Today, I stubbed the same toe three times in fifteen minutes. How? My sister moved most of the furniture in the house to the left by a few inches, because she thought it would be funny to watch me get confused and suffer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 474

You deserved it 7 093

10/08/2011 17:00

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 353

You deserved it 2 818

14/07/2018 15:00

Today, the man I've been dating for four months said he could see I had feelings for him, and he was mad because it made things complicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 392

You deserved it 312

07/01/2012 14:12

Today, I accidentally called my teacher "Babe". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 052

You deserved it 14 777

10/01/2018 01:30

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 961

You deserved it 506

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:17

YDI for not realizing your surroundings. You aren't the only person on the train. Too bad though. Did she happen to turn him down? If so you could always go for the silver medal.

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:37

why are you looking for a boyfriend on the subway? ydi

Comments

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:01

Haha. Own'd. YDI.

allthatandmore 0

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Friday 20 April 2012 4:49

She does for trying to put herself out there for some random guy!

mich23 10

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:07

Not an fml, anyone could do that. its common mistake

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:08

Haha!!

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:11

Aww, that sucks :(

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:17

YDI for not realizing your surroundings. You aren't the only person on the train. Too bad though. Did she happen to turn him down? If so you could always go for the silver medal.

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:22

Maybe he was trying to play you off the other girl. If he was, he was doing it wrong.

MaiLouIsLegend 0

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:27

How's this a FML? Cause you weren't his type Or you were trying too hard to impress him & it didn't work? He's probably a douche bag anyways....

czm 0

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:32

hahahaha YDI

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:37

why are you looking for a boyfriend on the subway? ydi

T1A2Z3 34

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Tuesday 29 May 2018 19:09

Gotta find one somewhere.

T1A2Z3 34

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Tuesday 29 May 2018 19:10

Where's better? A bar is full of douches. If you find one online you get judged for that. Where's the perfect spot to find a guy?

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:41

YDI for trying to get raped on the metro