Transportation: Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail... - FML

By needanewride - United States - Newton Center

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

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Commando

Triage

Not now, mom, I'm in pain

By Anonymous - Romania

Today, I realized I have to choose between being unemployed or putting up with my perverted boss who desperately wants me. I'm a guy and so is he. FML

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By StrawberryJuicey - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get sized. I put the card that says my size in my pocket, then went to the movies with my boyfriend. When the person at the counter asked me to hand them my ticket, I reached into my pocket and handed it to them. It wasn't the ticket. It was my bra size. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, my 11-year-old son and I were going through some old photos. He saw one of me when I was 22 on a beach, wearing a bikini. He said "Wow! Who's that?" Quite proudly I said it was me. He looked at me and said "What happened?" FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I dried my hands on the same towel I used this morning to wipe up a few shards of glass. You can't see the small splinters in my hands, but believe me, I can feel them. FML

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By hpberkla - 5/9/2020 23:01

Fast food

Today, I was at the Wendy's drive-through with my four kids in the car. As the worker handed me my food through the window, a man wearing a ski mask ran right between us, snatched the bags of food and took off. They refused to refund me for the food, because they said I staged the whole thing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my job because I was doing my work too quickly, getting too much done and the supervisor was afraid I was bored. I have only been here for 3 weeks and already had the best stats on the team. FML

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By jennabee97 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

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By Bride to be - United States - Dayton

Today, after religiously eating healthy, getting good sleep, and trying to keep my stress level low, I'm stuck in bed with aches, fever, sore throat, the shits and throwing up. My wedding is in 2 days. FML

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By Baldy - New Zealand

Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML

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By superman21 - Ireland

Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

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By TacoMan32 - Canada

Today, after months of unemployment, I finally started at a new job. The building burnt down on my very first shift. FML

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By princessbbee - United States

Today, I bought my cats two new litter boxes in hopes that they would use them. They still prefer to pee on the clothes in my closet. FML

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By cjd - Canada - Montreal

Today, in health class we were watching a documentary about anxiety. My teacher asked if any of us often feel anxious. I was too anxious to raise my hand, and went into a minor panic attack. FML

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By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, it's my 21st birthday. My parents' gift was a case of non-alcoholic beer, to "prepare" me for when I "turn 21." My parents can't even remember how old I am. FML

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By shorty - United States

Today, I found out that if I were 2 inches shorter, I would have to sit in a booster seat in the car. I'm about to turn 22. FML

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By alone - China

Today, I was sent home from work early because of structural issues. I walked in on my unemployed boyfriend cuddling another woman on the couch. When I confronted them, he freaked out and kept trying to convince me that I was dreaming. I don't know what I ever saw in this loser. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my dog got out and ran off at 8 p.m., so I had 11 friends and family looking in the freezing cold night for it until 11:30 p.m. Turns out, the dog was locked in the garage the whole time. FML

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By Fhhmylifeman - 11/4/2021 11:00

Geography

Today, I invited my Peruvian girlfriend to my parent’s house for dinner. They decorated the house with Mexican flag and Fiesta lanyards, and bought Taco Bell. My girlfriend is vegetarian and had to explain to them that no, Peru is not a city in Mexico. It’s been 3 hours and she won’t pick up her calls. FML

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By RyanM - Canada

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

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By nickname - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a birthday party and got my face rubbed in with a cake. When I came out of the restroom having washed my face I noticed one of the girls going in. Just to be nice I asked, "They put cake on your face too, did they?" She said no, that was just her make-up. FML

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By Kyle

Today, I celebrated my 30th birthday by accidentally knocking my fiancée’s tooth out with her glass as she tried to a sip. FML

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By XxespoxX - United States

Today, my Dad took me to a yankee game at the new Yankees stadium. During the 5th inning the camera crew put a man on the big screen. I then yelled out "Look at that ugly asshole!" It was the guy sitting 4 seats to the left of me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up to a small fire on my roof, burning up small twigs and branches. The cause? Last night, I threw a sparkling firecracker up very high, only to have it blown onto my roof by the wind. It's going to take $2,000 to fix the damage. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from work to find that my girlfriend had sold all of my N64 and Atari games and both the consoles and bought me a PS4 with the money. While I was standing there in shock, she kissed me on the cheek and said, "I know, I'm the greatest." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment, in the middle of the night. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, it's Friday the 13th. I've never been superstitious, and I figured it would be a normal day, that is until my hot water heater exploded and rained water into my downstairs neighbour's apartment for two hours before anyone noticed. FML

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By GshDrnt - United States

Today, I logged on to Facebook and had 64 notifications. I thought that perhaps I was popular. But no, it was my ten year old sister, liking 64 of my pictures. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, something in my shoe was bothering me at work. After about 30 minutes, I finally had a chance to fix it. There was a squashed lizard in my shoe. FML

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By clu - United States

Today, while eating dinner, a car alarm went off outside for 15 minutes and was driving me crazy, until I realized it was my car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

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By noooooooo - United States - Laurinburg

Today, I was dancing with an incredibly sexy man at a club. He was grinding on me when he leaned over and said, "If I was straight, I would make you my queen." FML

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By FortuneFaded - South Africa

Today, is my mothers birthday. I decided to take her out to lunch. On the way there, we had a car accident. It was my fault. For my mothers birthday I gave her: 3 broken ribs. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

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By oceangirl - United States

Get back here!

Today, I texted my flatmate to ask him when he would be paying his portion of the rent, since he has told me he would be late this month. He wrote back to inform me that he had moved out last night while I was away, and that he won't be paying me anything. FML

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By Gone With the Wind - United States - Omaha

Today, the tornado sirens went off so my family went to the basement and turned on the TV to the local news. The station goes to their sky cam as a trampoline flies by. Quite the sight. When the storm passed, I looked outside to see our trampoline was gone. It was the one flying by on TV. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Norsborg

Today, it was the first time I was going to fly first class. I ended up in the bathroom almost the whole flight with diarrhea. FML

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By christinabear - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

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By ashleyrc_8213

Hidden

Today, I was commenting on my boyfriend’s page, telling him how much I loved him and missed him since he had been deported back to his country. A 12-year-old girl commented, “Who are you and why are you so obsessed with my daddy?” I didn’t know he had kids. We were together for 3 years. FML

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By Doublescrewed

Today, I showed up for my first shift in my new night job; I now work at an apartment complex in the day and a gas station at night. It turns out that our biggest problem tenant in the former happens to be my boss in the latter. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Richmond

Today, my future sister-in-law cancelled my invitation to her and my brother's wedding. Her reason was that I was incredibly rude to announce my pregnancy to my family at a time like this, because it took all the attention away from her. FML

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Top comments

By HighGTurn | 12

#5154240 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:58

You didn't bother to say anything?

By Anti666 | 17

#5154231 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:57

That's pretty gross man.

COMMENTS

By Anti666 | 17

#5154231 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:57

That's pretty gross man.

Reply

StalkerChick | 13

#5154295 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:03

This is one of the few times I condone punching someone in the sack.

Reply

breathemein | 10

#5154858 - Friday 16 November 2012 14:37

Oh no I live in MA too, hopefully I won't run into that guy on the train.. Hopefully it wasn't the green line.

Reply

airforce987 | 20

#5154934 - Friday 16 November 2012 15:37

MA? I live in MA! I thought this stuff only happened in Japan! Shit OP, punch that fucker in the face!

Reply

BoCo_fml | 9

#5154945 - Friday 16 November 2012 15:42

77- It probably was the green line, it's gross like that.

OP- You should really stand up for yourself. Never let someone violate you like that.

By sajupt | 17

#5154236 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:58

Shud have squeezed/punched his crotch...

Reply

MormonPornstar | 7

#5154343 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

wallandpiece | 16

#5154358 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:17

He means either would have been acceptable solutions.

Reply

Shadow_Phantom | 26

#5154419 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:41

If you do it hard enough, you'll get the same effect.

Reply

Mideoyeo | 12

#5154617 - Friday 16 November 2012 11:58

Sqeezing his crotch may have turned him on even more, should've just stood up and kneed him.

Reply

missamberrose | 17

#5154940 - Friday 16 November 2012 15:39

I agree that what the man did was unacceptable, but he could have had dementia or some other mental illness. OP should have asserted herself and made it clear that his behavior was inappropriate. For goodness sake she doesn't have to beat the man up.

Reply

NuTrees | 9

#5155014 - Friday 16 November 2012 16:04

I'm from Detroit. His ass would off got killed. Just sayin

Reply

goose12321 | 11

#5155810 - Friday 16 November 2012 20:04

.

Reply

bfsd42 | 20

#5156102 - Friday 16 November 2012 21:46

Ooh. You're from Detroit! You must be tough. Lol.

By HighGTurn | 12

#5154240 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:58

You didn't bother to say anything?

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5154405 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:37

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5154497 - Friday 16 November 2012 10:20

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By glki | 7

#5154265 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:00

Move seats maybe?

Reply

Charmillionaire | 10

#5154352 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:16

Key word: crowded.

Reply

spaboolly | 26

#5154494 - Friday 16 November 2012 10:20

OP also said she was holding the rail, which would suggest that she was standing and probably couldn't get away from the guy. I've been in similar situations -_-

By SirFawkes | 16

#5154284 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:01

A new mode of transportation is in order! Just hope the old man doesn't follow you.

Reply

OhAidan | 7

#5154568 - Friday 16 November 2012 11:39

If he does happen to follow OP, good thing he's old.

Reply

SirFawkes | 16

#5155781 - Friday 16 November 2012 19:53

He's clingy man, he's clingy

By btstig | 11

#5154285 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:01

You should have hit the old bastard in the nose with some rolled up newspaper.

By TrueTriage | 16

#5154287 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:02

I'm so happy I dont have to worry about crowded trains or busses in my town.

Reply

Dixbfloppin | 11

#5154363 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:20

Wow, how impressive. You must live in a fuckin' Utopia.

Reply

vannahlol | 6

#5155879 - Friday 16 November 2012 20:26

I have no idea why you're getting thumbed down into oblivion for that comment.. I live in a decently small town and I'm glad I don't have to deal with that stuff either.

Reply

datoismyname | 22

#5156087 - Friday 16 November 2012 21:41

8 you live in Alaska bro. I don't think there are trains or busses.

By HighGTurn | 12

#5154289 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By IOmnomHard | 10

#5154299 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:04

I feel like old pervy men are in abundance...Just because they're old, though, doesn't mean a kick to the nuts is off limits. (Though in old age, you might have to aim a little lower..)

Reply

gracehi | 31

#5154572 - Friday 16 November 2012 11:39

EXACTLY! Being old is no excuse for such behavior! I don't care how old someone is, if they're molesting me, I'm kicking some ass. They guy was probably deranged, but even so, you don't just let deranged people violate you.

By CeeCee_fml | 16

#5154305 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:04

And you actually stood there and let him lick you until the next stop? Should have said something the moment his crotch was rubbed against your hand.

Reply

itsgen | 16

#5154389 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:32

My thoughts exactly! Op is an idiot!! Anyone i know would have defended themselves