By Anonymous - Australia

Awkward

Today, a neighbour called to say my water tank burst. A colleague followed me home to help, took off his shirt so it wouldn't get wet and climbed through my window to get to the roof. My boyfriend unexpectedly came home as we were emerging from the bedroom. My colleague was still buttoning his shirt up. FML

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Messed up

Vulture

Start worrying

By SHIT-BREATH - United Kingdom - Chepstow

Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML

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By hellphone_fml

Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML

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By maza

Today, I made a nice meal for myself and sat down to eat. Suddenly, my dad burst into my room saying, “We have to go.” This isn’t the first time it’s happened, nor was it an emergency. My family just doesn’t tell me when we have plans. FML

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By Kelly - United States - Manteca

Today, my brother offered my boyfriend $50 to dump me. Guess who's single. FML

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By Itstinksinhere

Today, my husband thought it was the best idea ever to clean the cat's litter box with the brand new vacuum cleaner instead of tipping it into a bin bag. My house now fills with the smell of warm cat piss every time I hoover. FML

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By Gus - Canada - Richmond

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my dad's psycho ex broke in and had a meltdown about how he's dating another woman now. She's barely 100 pounds, yet it took me and my brother several minutes and one smashed shin to finally manage to drag her out of the house, all while my dad called the cops. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was wanking and started thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML

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By Christian - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. We are on a cruise together. She has already found another room to sleep in. FML

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By Bonnie and Clyde - United States - Humble

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

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By Ihadnoidea - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while working at a gas station, I accidentally changed the price of gas to 8.9 cents per litre. It took me fifteen minutes to figure out why everyone wanted only two or three dollars of gas. I fixed it, but now my managers are debating charging me for lost revenue. FML

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By Rebecca2135

Today, I gave a speech at a charity fundraiser. I didn't realize how close I was standing to the fan, which automatically went on. As soon as I said, "this is why you should pledge," my dress flew up. I then learned how quickly phones can take pictures and emails of my underwear can be sent. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Dukinfield

Today, I found out that boyfriend doesn't think he needs to wipe his ass after he shits if he's going straight in the shower because he can just "clean it up in there". We share a loofah. FML

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By sistermonster - France - Salon-de-provence

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

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By Angela17

Today, it's 3:42am and my son is crying because I won't let him play with his dirty diaper. FML

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By shh - United States - Scottsdale

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

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By ohmylordy - United States

Today, while talking with my girlfriend about dating, I learned that she has had more girlfriends than I have. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, because I tipped our waitress at dinner. FML

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By brerj09 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, at work, I served a group of three teens. Their tab was $75 and they tipped me nothing. They wrote a thank you on a piece of receipt paper, put it in a glass of water and used a coaster to turn the glass of water upside down on the table, spilling water everywhere. They also stole my pen. FML

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By iloveretail - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, a woman threatened to stab my eyes out because I wouldn't let her into the shop I closed and locked up half an hour ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to go meet my new upstairs neighbor, only to find out nobody actually moved in. The noises that have been coming from up there were made by rats. Lots of them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Worth

Today, during class our teacher asked us, "Who is Uncle Sam?" A girl answered, "He's the guy who founded KFC, right?" I'm in an AP class and have to put up with these morons constantly. FML

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By runsinthefamily - United States - Aurora

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML

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By Jack - United States

Today, my family got together to read my grandpa's will. He gave all of his grandkids $400 each. Except me. It seems he thought I'd see the funny side in being bequeathed a blow-up sex doll. FML

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By no love - United States

Today, I celebrated my 4-year anniversary with my girlfriend. We didn't have sex and we didn't even kiss. All I got to do was cuddle the stuffed Minion she got me for Christmas. FML

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By yoyo22 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my friend for vacation. We were playing Marco Polo in the ocean and I was Marco. I thought I heard my friend, so I lunged forward and grabbed her. Too bad it wasn't my friend, it was an old guy in a pink speedo, and I grabbed his butt. FML

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By Bitch

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I was cheating on him. Surprised, I replied "No, Tim, of course not!" This might have been more convincing if I'd called my boyfriend by his own name, instead of the name of the guy I'm cheating on him with. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my dog had diarrhea in his cage. While I was carrying his dirty bed downstairs to the washer, he ran by and tripped me. FML

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By NotFunny - United States

Today, I missed my bus by a minute. I called up my step dad asking him if he can drive me because I had a test first period. After about calling him twenty times, and him not picking up, I see him drive by the bus stop pointing at me and laughing hysterically. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, and ever since I was born, I've had a lazy eye. This morning my boyfriend broke up with me. He thought it was funny to state that we just weren't looking at life in the same way. FML

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By Anonymous

W.T.F.

Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML

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By chevygirl51 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. It was all going well until out of habit from driving with my boyfriend, I reached over and held my instructor's hand. FML

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By notsomuchinlove - United States

Today, I had a seizure at my boyfriend's. The second I began to seize, he cursed and picked me up, dropping me on the floor complaining "Now I have to clean the damn couch." I had urinated because I had no control over my body. The couch is still stained. He dumped me for ruining his furniture. FML

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By wantsleep

Today, my boss continues to think it's appropriate to send me whining texts about work at midnight. Or 4 a.m. I think his complaints about not selling as much candy as he expected can wait till work hours. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had been telling me for the past two weeks that he had something planned for the occasion. His plan? Me watching TV with his parents, who hate me, while he went to work. His gift? A brand new Xbox 360 for himself. FML

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By izzy_the_pessimist

Today, at lunch, I was talking to my friends about having a boyfriend. Suddenly, some boy I don't even know said, "Nobody wants to date that ugly bitch." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my AC stopped working. It's currently 3:08AM and I have 2 fans running, a cold washcloth on my neck, and a window open. It's still hot as hell. Thanks, Florida. FML

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By ifyouseekmylife - United States

Today, my son told me he lost the envelope with all the money he earned selling Cub Scout popcorn. The popcorn was delivered already, and the money needs to be turned in to the pack leader tonight. I just spent $220 on popcorn my neighbors are eating. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, a customer at the restaurant where I work reduced me to tears by screaming at me, as I nearly knocked out his 2-year-old with the kitchen door, after he let the little boy play on the floor behind it. Apparently, it's my fault I can't see through solid wood. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I realized how bad my grey hair problem has gotten as I noticed I had grey pubes. I'm only 23. FML

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Top comments

By omgxwtfxheather | 2

#672702 - Sunday 15 November 2009 12:46

lucy you got some splainin to do!

By emilysanftwsom | 0

#672640 - Sunday 15 November 2009 12:32

Wow, I bet that was awkward. FYL though.

COMMENTS

By emilysanftwsom | 0

#672640 - Sunday 15 November 2009 12:32

Wow, I bet that was awkward. FYL though.

Reply

Kurokawa_fml | 0

#673056 - Sunday 15 November 2009 19:36

likely story

Reply

MissIndependent2_fml | 0

#976295 - Thursday 8 April 2010 11:52

this is totally fake or she would have posted what happened after AND it's anonymus

Reply

Theatregeek788 | 0

#1027152 - Friday 11 June 2010 5:33

I bet it was VERY awkward...
FYL OP. :-/

Reply

Dphou | 8

#3015718 - Monday 1 August 2011 17:14

Awwwww, yeah, that's so awks...well at least you have an explanation

Reply

decidedlyvague | 11

#5096507 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 6:09

Why didn't you just tell him your pipe burst BEFORE you had a topless man in your house.

Reply

ethan_unoxx | 29

#6031401 - Friday 8 August 2014 23:37

very awkward

By polarbears | 0

#672666 - Sunday 15 November 2009 13:17

LOL FYL. Is he your ex-boyfriend now?

By omgxwtfxheather | 2

#672702 - Sunday 15 November 2009 12:46

lucy you got some splainin to do!

Reply

White667 | 0

#672707 - Sunday 15 November 2009 12:57

Haha, xDD

Reply

StudBoiAyeEm | 0

#672713 - Sunday 15 November 2009 13:31

lol i like that shit! makes sense, quite amusing ^.^

Reply

simpleplan239999 | 1

#3380597 - Monday 3 October 2011 5:19

BAHAHAHAHAH

Reply

Emmysmiles | 2

#3684110 - Monday 5 December 2011 1:41

who's Lucy?

Reply

AriTheAirhead | 10

#4098088 - Tuesday 28 February 2012 0:12

Lucy is from the 1950's show "I Love Lucy." One of the best shows of all time. :)

By RipIt | 0

#672703 - Sunday 15 November 2009 12:50

:D

Reply

Thespade_fml | 0

#672716 - Sunday 15 November 2009 13:39

Haha ur my hero

Reply

HahaYDI | 0

#672917 - Sunday 15 November 2009 17:45

Thespade-YOU are my hero.

By AmberHall | 2

#672705 - Sunday 15 November 2009 12:55

That was very unlucky! Hope he accepts your explanation though

By Reality_bites | 14

#672710 - Sunday 15 November 2009 13:21

SO? Just get your neighbour to back your story by explaining to your boyfriend about what happened. Not an FML.

Reply

janise | 2

#673209 - Sunday 15 November 2009 21:19

If they really were cheating wouldn't her co-worker go along with any story she comes up with anyway?

Reply

Jesky13 | 4

#673635 - Monday 16 November 2009 3:56

It kinda is dumb ass

Reply

Mforce | 8

#3651449 - Monday 28 November 2011 4:31

Neighbor backs them up, not the co worker. Read thoroughly

Reply

angeluv_2014 | 22

#5171546 - Wednesday 21 November 2012 18:18

Then click "you deserve it" and move on. You sound like a real bitch.

By Snowlight_fml | 7

#672719 - Sunday 15 November 2009 13:45

Well that's elaborate.

By visage | 0

#672728 - Sunday 15 November 2009 14:08

In cases like that the only options are: let him think your screwing him so you can finally be free OR tell him to smell your pussy.

Reply

FrancesShiver | 20

#5974200 - Friday 13 June 2014 16:57

What the hell

By Plumppotato | 3

#672741 - Sunday 15 November 2009 14:33

offer him a threesome with your colleague in exchange for a threesome with any woman of his choice.

Reply

ILIEKGIRLS | 5

#672742 - Sunday 15 November 2009 14:35

i LOVE potatoes!

Reply

YNasty | 0

#675354 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 5:14

I like turtles.

Reply

minionfan | 0

#4130007 - Wednesday 7 March 2012 0:47

I LIKE CHOCOLATE MILK!!

Reply

Awesome58422599 | 19

#5984352 - Sunday 22 June 2014 11:51

I like trains. ......

By Leprecon | 3

#672757 - Sunday 15 November 2009 14:47

It's not what you think, I was just fixing her plumbing !

Man I would give so much to see what happened next...