By Anonymous

Definitely done that

Today, at work, I put my earphones in to listen to some music. An hour later, I realised I never pressed play. FML

I agree, your life sucks

714

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1078

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Vulture

Nags

Not coming out yet, sorry

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43436

You deserved it

4301

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By BackToRehab - Canada

Today, I treated my mom to a movie and lunch after she'd attended weeks of AA meetings. She snuck in a flask to the movie, and during lunch, she started calling people muggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33996

You deserved it

3543

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By qourt - United States

Today, my stomach growled so loud in class that a boy sitting next to me thought his phone had vibrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24301

You deserved it

2256

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By notnow - United States

Today, minutes before I walked down the aisle at my wedding, my drunk mother stumbled up to me and told me she was depressed and wanted to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42241

You deserved it

2588

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By Frenchgirl - United States

Today, it was my first day at school in the United States. Being from France, my French accent is really strong. After being made fun of all day, I met someone from Montreal. I was so excited and said, "Parlez-vous Français?" And his response? "HUH?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

33160

You deserved it

6191

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By meh

Today, at work, a guy tried to buy me for a dollar. I've only been there a week and it's the third time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9286

You deserved it

703

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By theydidsmellitthough - Israel - Netanya

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26135

You deserved it

9347

Favorite

By everyonehatesme - Malaysia

Today, I signed in my msn messenger. Everyone in my friends list apparently changed their status to 'busy' or 'away' when they saw me online, including my crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33012

You deserved it

9321

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By inchetogb - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I spent 30 minutes listening to my grandmother telling us that my cat is a medium. My boyfriend is totally convinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25540

You deserved it

3398

Favorite

By Demetria - United States - White Plains

Today, I had to go down to the county police department to bail out my kids who thought it would be a good idea to try mugging an ice cream truck driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25429

You deserved it

4771

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By notautistic - United States - Minneapolis

Today, marks yet again another day that I've been asked if I'm autistic. No, that's just my Korean accent. Apparently I look "too white" to have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35609

You deserved it

2724

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By shit Music - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I forgot my headphones at home. When I got to work I found out that today was also the day the band next door had decided to practice their only song for 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11473

You deserved it

916

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Tilburg

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39331

You deserved it

4643

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By WeightAMinute - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend who dumped me after 2 1/2 years because I got fat. The last two years I've lost 68 lbs, am happier and couldn't wait to shove that in his face. So, of course the first time he see's me I'm alone, pushing a shopping cart full of ice cream for a party later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52664

You deserved it

6278

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in an attempt to be more healthy, I made myself a large fruit smoothie. I didn't think it could or would cause me to practically shart my rectum out my ass for the rest of the afternoon. The more you know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18040

You deserved it

2704

Favorite

By missy - United States

Today, I missed my flight because I was held in airport security because I'd "threatened" an employee. He had confiscated my eyelash curler and jokingly I asked if he thought I was going to curl him to death. He didn't laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40789

You deserved it

10019

Favorite

By Skankeriffic - United States

Today, I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for half an hour. The entire time, a man I had gone on a date with and that had gotten very out of hand with, was sitting in the car next to me. I noticed, panicked, and tried to drive off, rear-ending the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7198

You deserved it

30604

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost control of my vehicle while driving. The car went off the road, rolled over, and ended up being totaled. The policeman asked me if I was alright and I said I was. He seemed relieved at my answer. Then he handed me a $300 ticket for failing to maintain my lane. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23288

You deserved it

5989

Favorite

By need2eat - United States

Today, I saw my parents for the first time in 11 weeks. They commented on how much weight I lost. I told how due to stress, I hadn't been able to eat anything for the past two weeks and I was basically unintentionally starving myself. They told me to keep it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54748

You deserved it

5571

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By JackieD - United States - Bellevue

Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42024

You deserved it

16170

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63177

You deserved it

17445

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By Joel_28 - Canada

Today, I went to the physician to check my rear because it was hurting. My usual doctor wasn't available, so he was replaced by a gorgeous woman with big cleavage. when she asked me to pull down my pants, she saw that I had a huge hard on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17423

You deserved it

20516

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By Demotivation - Germany

Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44895

You deserved it

12607

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By fuck your music - United States - Hesperia

Doo doo doodoodoo doo doo

Today, I finally got tired of my neighbors constantly blaring their obnoxious rap music all hours of the day and night. Trying to be funny, I put Baby Shark on a loop and turned my speakers all the way up. They called the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1797

You deserved it

521

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50990

You deserved it

3041

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29632

You deserved it

1961

Favorite

By hamburger - United States - Adrian

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

I agree, your life sucks

61105

You deserved it

8455

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my friend's house to give him some moral support as he came out of the closet to his family. I left with a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46511

You deserved it

6268

Favorite

By Gutted. - United Kingdom

Today, after a hard day's work and emotional argument with my best friend, I sent my boyfriend a text telling him how much I loved him and cherished him in the hopes he would cheer me up with a romantic reply. He said "Sorry, I've only got 8 texts left." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57240

You deserved it

6761

Favorite

By Derek

Today, I found out that my kids are both my half-brothers, and the fertility tests my wife had us do a few years ago showed that I'm sterile. She didn't tell me until I found the test results in her desk and asked her about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4897

You deserved it

270

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By whyeventry? - United States - Neenah

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57989

You deserved it

12672

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By mpetitto - United States - Fairmont

Today, I received an "I miss you" text from my ex of 4 months, who I still love dearly and would give anything to get back together with. Yesterday, I slept with his best friend, convinced I'd never hear from my ex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9652

You deserved it

18429

Favorite

By nose hurts - United States - Richmond

Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31386

You deserved it

3448

Favorite

By LieutenantDimwit - 30/4/2021 18:01 - Jordan

Teenagers…

Today, my uncle picked up a tissue box and threw it at my sister for fun. My sister got mad and yeeted the box at me. I reacted with the same action, but she lost her crap and kicked and punched me. When I reported the incident to my parents, I get berated and my sister got away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

749

You deserved it

124

Favorite

By PoorCar - United States

Today, I went on a trip to DC. When I got back I found out my car was stolen. Apparently they didn't know how to drive a stick because it was only 4 blocks from my house and the engine was blown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42194

You deserved it

2336

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/6/2021 18:01 - Australia

Baby you can't drive my car

Today, I received a notice of a suspended driver's license on account of my epilepsy. I have to submit my license by the suspension date, or I could be fined. The suspension date was 8 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

811

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to be very naughty and placed her underwear in my backpack. I wish she had told me, because it slipped into a folder that contained my project data for my professor. So, after class, I got sent to the Dean of Students' office to talk about sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39192

You deserved it

3288

Favorite

By lyssanthamum - United States

Today, on the train, I got excited when I suddenly noticed I had a missed call and voicemail from a boy I liked. With a grin on my face, I told my friend. My dad overheard and said, "oh sweetie, he probably had the wrong number." The voicemail was blank. I texted him. The call was an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55442

You deserved it

4411

Favorite

By rollergirl13 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51103

You deserved it

5672

Favorite

By Lisaaa - Canada

Today, it was my little girl's birthday and her grandparents came over to celebrate. One of the presents from her grandparents turned out to be a sweater. She then asked, "Mommy, may I please lie?" When I shook my head no, she exclaimed, "I hate this ugly sweater!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

13682

You deserved it

34502

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Top comments

By Christina Winden | 19

#7852055 - Friday 18 October 2019 4:07

How did it take you a full hour to come to that realization?

By SquirrelRulingtheWorld | 7

#7852059 - Friday 18 October 2019 4:48

Adventures in ADHD.

COMMENTS

By Christina Winden | 19

#7852055 - Friday 18 October 2019 4:07

How did it take you a full hour to come to that realization?

Weslea Sanchez | 12

#7852158 - Friday 18 October 2019 13:26

I actually do it all the time. I get lost another thought and lose focus. most of the time I play music as background noise

By SquirrelRulingtheWorld | 7

#7852059 - Friday 18 October 2019 4:48

Adventures in ADHD.

RichardPencil | 30

#7852068 - Friday 18 October 2019 5:58

Or achieving a flow state.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7852067 - Friday 18 October 2019 5:57

Did you have "The Sounds of Silence" on infinite loop?

I prefer the Simon and Garfunkel remake which ironically has words and music.

By Seeya55 | 31

#7852235 - Friday 18 October 2019 18:59

...Okay?