By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 04:00

Definitely done that

Today, at work, I put my earphones in to listen to some music. An hour later, I realised I never pressed play. FML

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Caught red-handed

Goodbye Bill

The student becomes the master

By UnfortunateGirly - 26/2/2010 08:30 - Australia

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to yell out "Pass us the bong, Emma!" while I was on the phone to my mother. FML

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By j - 1/3/2011 06:26

Today, I found out that the co-worker I have been dating and falling for is the same co-worker that had been spreading rumors about me and getting me in trouble with my boss. FML

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32468

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By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2013 05:50 - United States - Austin

Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2013 21:49 - Canada - Drumheller

Today, while arguing with my newly ex-girlfriend over how she cheated on me with a mutual friend, she tried to wash her hands of any guilt, saying that I was "selfish" and "just slut-shaming, really". FML

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46976

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By bleurghh - 31/12/2011 15:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML

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30747

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I was informed after submitting my request to have Christmas off about 2 weeks prior to Thanksgiving that I was denied. About 15 minutes later, I overheard the person that denied my request talking with another agent, who put their request in today, that they were granted the holiday off. FML

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30770

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2013 05:30 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door to ask for my opinion. I still don't understand why she had to take everything else off to try on a sweater. FML

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54026

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By helpme - 3/5/2017 02:00

Today, my gay best friend slept over, as he has many times during the past three years of our friendship. This time, however, he confessed to me that he's only pretended to be gay to get closer to me because he's in love with me. I've allowed my stalker to sleep in my house and in my bed for three years. FML

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7329

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By scorned_jacketless_lady - 26/8/2013 04:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after spending the weekend together, my ex turned nasty. I finally had the balls to tell him what a cruel asshole I think he is and really hit him where it hurts. I felt very empowered and strong. That is, until I realized I left my favourite and rather expensive jacket in his apartment. FML

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By otherdad? - 30/3/2018 19:00

Today, I tried to explain my 8-year-old son that my fiancée was going to be his stepmother. Little did I know, he watched Coraline last week. Now he thinks she's his "other mother" and won't go anywhere near her. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2011 11:55 - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had been telling me for the past two weeks that he had something planned for the occasion. His plan? Me watching TV with his parents, who hate me, while he went to work. His gift? A brand new Xbox 360 for himself. FML

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34768

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By SapphireRaven - 7/9/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I found out that I was denied for work study eligibility by my college. I went to my financial advisor to ask why. It wasn't my grades or attendance. Apparently my father makes too much money for me to get a job at the school. My dad was fired 3 months ago and has been out of work since. FML

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By ruinedmoment - 24/2/2011 06:20 - United States

Today, I was looking at an old post between my ex and I on Facebook. Everything I was reading was adorable. Just as I was reminiscing about the great relationship we had, I look to the right of the screen to see the girl he cheated on me with in "People you may know". Thanks Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 07:32 - Australia

Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2019 06:00 - New Zealand

The Terror

Today, it's my first day off in over two months. My colleagues disagree - they won't stop calling me. I'm not allowed to turn my phone off. FML

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1486

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108

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By buttpain - 11/1/2017 13:25

Today, being a snow day, I decided to take a nice nap before resuming cleaning my room. Changed back into pajamas, climbed into bed, and found that one of the cats peed on my sheets. I've made negative progress, and had my underwear soaked in someone else's cold urine. FML

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5930

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By Nobody - 17/10/2010 17:17 - United States

Today, my best friend was doing my hair. She got frustrated and exclaimed, "It won't stay!" I replied with, "Just like your mom!" It was then that I remembered her mom had just left her dad and moved out of the house to be with someone else. FML

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10144

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By Jif_Creamy - 28/2/2016 05:00 - United States - Washington

Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML

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21746

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I went to a wedding with my family. While the maid of honor was giving her non-heartfelt, three sentence speech, my mom and I started talking about how lame her speech was. When I turned around to look at my mom, I saw the camera recording the speech behind her. FML

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10967

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2013 21:58 - United States - Reno

Today, my grandpa moved into the house to live with my family. Along with having to share a room with him, he swears that having the AC on will give him pneumonia, and he keeps saying he's "freezing" when the temperature inside gets below 85. We live in Nevada. FML

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By nolife - 29/12/2011 12:03 - United States

Today, I was so bored that I began searching for videos of people popping their pimples. FML

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10075

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By truecountrybitch - 9/5/2020 23:00

Anger management

Today, my boyfriend got frustrated trying to take my entertainment center into the basement, for the kids' game room. It didn't fit, thanks to the horrible design of the house, so he Spartan-kicked it down, breaking it into 15 pieces. FML

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1413

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185

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By Bonnie and Clyde - 8/5/2015 02:18 - United States - Humble

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

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35693

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By cooploops - 31/1/2015 15:13 - United States - Memphis

Today, I went to the mall with some friends. We all kept smelling this god awful B.O. smell and had no idea where it was coming from. On the car ride home, we all figured out it was actually me. FML

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28320

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By dk14 - 24/1/2017 10:00

Today, my girlfriend's dad let me borrow his car for transportation to work because mine got totaled. This car is a complete dump and I've realized he's only letting me use it so it's my fault to fix the broken things on the car. So far, I've had to replace the battery and two popped tires. FML

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5907

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2012 14:50 - United States - Cabin John

Today, I got home from work to find my boyfriend sobbing hysterically over the death of his cat. The only cat he could be talking about is the one on his Sims account. FML

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29091

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By Home sick - 4/1/2019 20:00

Today, I was called fat by my boyfriend's old-fashioned mom. I'm not close to fat but I'm not really skinny either so she calls me fat. She also complained that my feet makes noise when I walk and that girls shouldn't make noise when walking. This week has been hell. FML

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2816

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261

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By carssuck - 2/2/2012 10:28 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket for parking in my neighbors' parking spot. I parked there because my neighbors were parked in my parking spot. FML

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34301

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By You're Not a Wizard - 30/6/2016 12:29

Today, I earned the nickname of "Harry Potter" for all the wrong reasons. I got locked in a storage cupboard for most of my shift, and couldn't get out. FML

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14092

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By onthetoilet - 4/1/2010 22:20 - France

Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but I woke up with explosive diarrhea. So while they are at the happiest place on Earth, I'm stuck on this toilet left to imagine that the splash from my crap is a splash from splash mountain. FML

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34440

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By everfresh - 26/1/2011 10:38 - Finland

Today, my boyfriend thought the garbage can in our kitchen smelled bad. Instead of cleaning it, he had it equipped with a Wunderbaum. Our entire house now smells like "New Car". FML

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23080

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By healthfreak - 7/9/2014 01:57 - United States - Marietta

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML

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44464

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 21:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason she asked me to shave my beard. When I go down on her shaved, it feels more like her ex-boyfriend. FML

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37580

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By newkid - 13/9/2016 19:06

Today, I was so lonely, I dragged out a conversation with a lady who called to get me to make an appointment to give blood. FML

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11792

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By Diachronic - 12/9/2014 08:05 - United States - Lewiston

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

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44124

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By Lisa - 9/11/2018 07:00 - United States - Sedalia

Today, I developed a roll of film I'd had sitting around for years. It was all images my ex had taken of him scrubbing his ass and toilet with my electric toothbrush, which I'd used for at least a month after our breakup. FML

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3010

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By Hide -n- Seek - 16/11/2019 20:00 - United States - Grand Prairie

Hide and Seek

Today, someone left a note on the front door saying "Let's play Hide and Seek". Who ever left the note apparently took my tires off my truck and scattered them. So far, I found one in my pool, and 2 outside my neighborhood. I still can't find the last one. FML

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By Stoopiddogbot - 12/2/2013 13:18 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML

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Top comments

By Christina Winden | 18

#7852055 - Friday 18 October 2019 4:07

How did it take you a full hour to come to that realization?

By SquirrelRulingtheWorld | 5

#7852059 - Friday 18 October 2019 4:48

Adventures in ADHD.

Comments

By Christina Winden | 18

#7852055 - Friday 18 October 2019 4:07

How did it take you a full hour to come to that realization?

Weslea Sanchez | 12

#7852158 - Friday 18 October 2019 13:26

I actually do it all the time. I get lost another thought and lose focus. most of the time I play music as background noise

By SquirrelRulingtheWorld | 5

#7852059 - Friday 18 October 2019 4:48

Adventures in ADHD.

RichardPencil | 28

#7852068 - Friday 18 October 2019 5:58

Or achieving a flow state.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7852067 - Friday 18 October 2019 5:57

Did you have "The Sounds of Silence" on infinite loop?

I prefer the Simon and Garfunkel remake which ironically has words and music.

By chyiochan | 30

#7852235 - Friday 18 October 2019 18:59

...Okay?