Work: Today, my boss bitched me out for doing some random web browsing...

By kalamar5 - 25/05/2014 20:54 - Norway - Sarpsborg

Today, my boss bitched me out for doing some random web browsing while waiting for some documents I needed to arrive, then went back to his desk and went on Facebook, thinking I couldn't see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 770

You deserved it 5 446

Work

Walk the line

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Overreact much?!

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, is my birthday and my friends and I went to our favorite pub to celebrate. As I'm a little broke at the moment, they all offered to buy me birthday drinks. Which I later learned meant that they would order them for me and bring it to the table, but put everything on my tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 463

You deserved it 2 903

By joyful-not - 26/10/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, my sister got married. For the second time. She's 30. Two men have loved her enough to cry over their vows to her. Every single person there asked me why I wasn't married yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 641

You deserved it 3 199

An Inconvenient Thief

By Satver7 - 10/03/2017 22:00

Today, after meeting a girl for the first time and having sex with her, I found not only my wallet missing but also the 128 GB pen drive that had my project I've been working on for 6 months on it. I have to give the presentation in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 148

You deserved it 4 540

Happy Birthday, Sweaty

By jezebel - 17/03/2011 14:43 - United States

Today, I got a call from the office telling me I was fired. When I asked why, my boss explained my mother called and told him I was in a "weak mental state." She thought she was helping me get off for my birthday. Now I have no job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 389

You deserved it 3 439

By SadDad - 22/09/2012 18:11 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 284

You deserved it 9 773

By Alice - 22/07/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, my manager came in and said "Hey Alice, great job closing so well last night. NOT." and walked off. When I heard the door shut, I said "And great job being a bitch, you cow." I heard my manager walking back towards me. She wasn't the one who left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 562

You deserved it 48 081

By Jess49 - 03/12/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 268

You deserved it 4 804

Ouch

By Anonymous - 31/07/2020 02:03

Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 487

By merkris - 29/06/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said "What are you baby-sitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on the giraffe yelling at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 189

You deserved it 12 689

By gp28 - 18/02/2010 20:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 862

You deserved it 3 991

By Anonymous - 07/01/2015 00:26 - United States - Eureka

Today, I moved into my new apartment complex. I left some items including a cherished painting my best friend made for me outside the front door while I moved furniture into my bedroom. When I went back outside, someone had kicked a huge hole in the painting. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 472

You deserved it 4 274

By fmylifebadddd - 18/04/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, was my birthday. My friends love to play pranks on me. So when I entered the door for my surprise party, I became aware of the surroundings. There was nothing. Everyone was staring as I slowly entered the room. When I closed the door behind me, a freaking bucket of pee fell all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 051

You deserved it 5 700

By anonymous - 08/01/2013 00:21 - United States

Today, I found a ring box in the pocket of my boyfriend's pants while doing laundry. I eagerly walked up to him knowing that it was an engagement ring, hoping that he would propose on the spot. He tossed it back to me and said, "Well you found it, I don't actually have to ask now, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 246

You deserved it 51 539

Bad date #3764

By Greenpuppy416 - 04/07/2020 05:02

Today, I had a date at a formal restaurant I'm well known at. My date showed up two and a half hours late with a jogging suit on, and then got mad at me for ordering, eating, and paying without him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 727

You deserved it 127

By anon - 14/01/2013 03:00 - United States - Dublin

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 880

You deserved it 3 660

By Anonymous - 01/11/2015 08:48 - United Kingdom - Pinner

Today, as always, I'm so flat-chested and childlike in appearance that my boyfriend successfully passed me off as his little sister to save money at a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 432

You deserved it 2 258

By Dump Tump - 29/03/2019 22:00

Today, my flute broke. I have an exam coming tomorrow and all repair shops are closed. I guess I’ll have to lose £150. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 159

By MakeItMaaco - 11/07/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 869

You deserved it 3 757

By sk8rgurl - 28/06/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, I was testing for figure skating. I was wearing a brand new custom dress that was a halter top. On my first move, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Immediately after retaking the move, my dress snapped open, exposing myself to the judges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 292

You deserved it 5 591

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I was feeling confident enough to approach a guy by asking the bartender if I could buy him a refill of whatever he was drinking. He was drinking water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 837

You deserved it 5 733

By erlad678 - 04/01/2011 02:59

Today, I was woken up by the sound of part of my kitchen ceiling hitting the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 609

You deserved it 2 451

Compensating

By Jpev - 12/05/2016 01:09 - United States - Huntsville

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking back to my car after a long day of work. A large SUV had parked next to mine, so I jokingly said to my girlfriend, "What do you think they're compensating for?" That's when the couple behind us unlocked their vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 059

You deserved it 4 304

By Noname - 11/01/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 427

You deserved it 61 213

By Anonymous - 07/07/2011 22:52 - United Kingdom

Today, a business man in his forties tackled me to the ground in an attempt to take my seat on a crowded train. When that didn't work, he called me a fat bitch and gave me the finger. The seat was given up for me because I'm seven months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 164

You deserved it 3 570

Mystery message service

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 20:02

Today, my two year-old opened one of my boyfriend's Snapchat messages. It was from a girl I've never heard of with, whom he has a 700+ day streak and is one of his top friends. The message said, "I wish?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 174

By shit_fer_luck - 16/12/2014 16:35 - United States - West Lafayette

Today, someone backed straight into my car as I was hunting for a parking spot. I just got my car back from the body shop after a hit-and-run. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 554

You deserved it 2 523

By Anonymous - 10/12/2013 07:38 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 841

You deserved it 6 296

By bigmouthedmommy - 13/04/2015 05:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 481

You deserved it 3 991

By branwen5 - 09/10/2009 02:26 - United States

Today, I had my final divorce proceeding. The judge denied my divorce because my husband is unemployed. I can't get a divorce until he gets a job to pay child support. He hasn't had a job for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 656

You deserved it 3 821

By Dunzo15 - 02/05/2009 06:28 - United States

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 042

You deserved it 51 595

By unemployed - 20/04/2013 00:16 - El Salvador - San Salvador

Today, my boss made me give a presentation to several senior company officials about the serious financial losses our division has made this year. Barely an hour later, my boss had palmed all the blame off onto me and gotten me fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 759

You deserved it 3 373

By Anonymous - 13/07/2019 06:30

Today, my friend explained to me that the toilet paper in his bathroom is "just for show." Now I know why his hamper smells like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 117

By shit - 28/04/2016 11:05 - United States - Colonial Heights

Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 897

You deserved it 8 068

Masterchef

By Embarassed - 19/03/2014 22:24 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my boss told me that there is no point in making me cut onions anymore because every time I do, I look like I've "been beaten", and can't be seen by the customers for at least half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 666

You deserved it 3 606

By Anonymous - 26/02/2014 21:44 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 723

You deserved it 4 210

Is this guy Hugh Hefner?

By Gold diggerzzzzzzz - 15/03/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad is getting married for the 4th time. First it was my mom, then as they got older, he married a woman 10 years his junior, then his third wife was my age and 28 years his junior. Now at the grand old age of 64, he is marrying a 22 year old, 42 years his junior, almost 2 decades younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 87

By bad luck skier - 30/12/2013 20:28 - United States - Albany

Today, I went skiing. On the first run of the day, a little girl came out of nowhere and crashed into me. I was fine, but she was hurt, so I called the ski patrol. She told him that I deliberately hit her, and got me kicked out. I was there for 10 minutes. I paid for all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 891

You deserved it 3 483

By clumsyandpoor - 03/12/2014 04:05 - United States - Watertown

Today, I was short on money for bills, so I pulled out my alto saxophone, knowing that no matter how much I loved it, I'd be able pay my rent with the money. As I pulled it out of its case, the neck strap broke and I dropped it, breaking the bell beyond repair. Now I'm poor AND depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 611

You deserved it 3 862

By Anonymous - 27/02/2013 18:27 - United States - New Orleans

Today, after scouring my apartment for quarters to do laundry, I found the correct amount of change. The change got jammed in the washing machine. I now have no more quarters, and my clothes are caked with soap from washing them in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 210

You deserved it 3 925

Mouthwatering

By yuna - 05/04/2021 22:59

Today, I discovered that I have a condition in which saliva frequently falls out of my mouth for no apparent reason. I’m 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 66

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Top comments

Kiki242 19

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Monday 26 May 2014 2:03

Hypocrites are everywhere.

boxbrandon11 20

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Monday 26 May 2014 2:04

Send him a notification to play FarmVille!

Kiki242 19

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Monday 26 May 2014 2:03

Hypocrites are everywhere.

groovycrazyjoe 18

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Monday 26 May 2014 2:04

write under anything he post

Tthug 34

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Monday 26 May 2014 4:36

Depends on who OP's boss is. If he owns the company/runs it and keeps his bosses happy, he can do whatever he wants. It all depends. It sucks, but that's why you should want to get promoted.

Jiplo 18

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Tuesday 27 May 2014 21:50

It seems as if someone doesn't lead by example...

boxbrandon11 20

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Monday 26 May 2014 2:04

Send him a notification to play FarmVille!

gracehi 31

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Monday 26 May 2014 2:27

Or send him a message from a fake profile he don't recognize asking him about what he's looking at, like, "I see it's your mom's birthday. So did you send her flowers?" Totally creep him out.

Goldenchest 14

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Tuesday 27 May 2014 6:56

People still play Farmville?

brettrb 18

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Tuesday 27 May 2014 22:21

People still use Facebook? I kid.

XxXBadAshXxX 27

Monday 26 May 2014 2:04

Seems like your boss needs to practice what he preaches.

cakefete2 30

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Monday 26 May 2014 4:28

Maybe i like puns a bit too much, but imagine if OP was an assistant pastor and his boss was the main pastor?

Tthug 34

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Monday 26 May 2014 4:39

Not necessarily. What if his boss owns the company? Then he can do whatever he wants. And yes, because he is paying you, you can stay the hell off FarmVille, which you shouldn't be doing at work anyways, even if you're waiting.

cherries62212 16

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Monday 26 May 2014 2:05

Bosses be trippin.

Quackadoodledoo 13

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Monday 26 May 2014 2:16

Comments be shittin

J3R3MYY 14

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Monday 26 May 2014 7:08

Peter be Griffin

Godsofdracos 15

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Monday 26 May 2014 21:21

That was to clever for a Bieber.... WHO ARE YOU?!?!

J3R3MYY 14

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Tuesday 27 May 2014 3:19

Don't even worry about it :)

MACARONInCHEESE 10

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Monday 26 May 2014 2:05

Hypocrites Hippocrates everywhere

mbuck87 19

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Monday 26 May 2014 2:30

Were you not sure which one was spelt right so just hedged your bets?

J3R3MYY 14

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Monday 26 May 2014 7:16

Dammit damnit I gave this a thumbs up.

paigexox0 37

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Monday 26 May 2014 7:53

Oh man, theres hippo crates everywhere?? Those things are vicious.

1915destroyer 22

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Monday 26 May 2014 2:07

Hypocrite

olpally 32

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Monday 26 May 2014 2:09

Call him out on it. That's some major bullshit. Jackass.

Flowtastic 16

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Monday 26 May 2014 3:56

Nothing really the OP could do if he does call him out on it. He needs to see higher ups instead. Though, regardless what his boss is doing, it's still a YDI for screwing around while on the clock, IMHO.

skittle_QUEEN_YO 15

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Monday 26 May 2014 19:29

Well what were they suppose to do ? Sit staring at the screen with a blank look on their face? Either way they are gonna get in trouble.

tealrobot 15

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Monday 26 May 2014 2:10

hypocrites, you cant do anything though, fyl. weve all been through it

uniformed 13

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Monday 26 May 2014 2:13

There are benefits of being the boss.

FrankHotpants 31

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Monday 26 May 2014 2:21

Do what I say not what I do, common leadership fail.

grace31297 14

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Monday 26 May 2014 8:23

Considering he's the boss he can do whatever he wants. Op is getting paid for his time- the boss is paying himself.

notabeachbabe 13

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Monday 26 May 2014 8:56

Assuming that he is the owner of the company. Not all bosses pay themselves. They still get paid by the owner of the company therefore he isn't doing what he is being paid to do. You can run a department but that doesn't mean you pay the workers.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 5

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 146

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 111