Miscellaneous: Today, my mother was talking about a holiday she went on this... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 111

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 42

29/10/2013 22:09

Today, my mother was talking about a holiday she went on this time last year. She turned to me to say, "You would've loved it, it's a shame you couldn't come". I was there. It was just the two of us on holiday together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 793

You deserved it 2 790

Hiding from the drama

Good kid

BO Central

08/01/2019 20:00

Today, it's my birthday. My father didn't get me a birthday present or do anything for me, and acted as though he only came to visit because it was expected. Yet when it was his birthday a couple months ago, he expected me to take him out and pay for it FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 620

You deserved it 204

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

By MistofAvalon - 24/04/2020 14:00

Today, my cat woke me up announcing he was hungry by standing on my bedside table. This placed him both next to and above my head. Did he do this by meowing? Nope. Did he do it by tapping me with his little paw? Not that either. He sneezed all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 325

You deserved it 270

Shitgibbon

By Anonymous - 28/09/2021 05:01

Today, here in Canada, my father-in-law talked to me about how people who are "not Canadians" are destroying the country. He called me an "import" several times within the course of an hour. I've been a citizen for over twenty years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 76

12/05/2016 04:54

Today, I was at work when a customer came up to me and asked where and what I used to get my tan. I'm Indian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 232

You deserved it 1 277

30/10/2009 08:06

Today, I was hit by a car speeding through an intersection after the light had already turned red. Still partly blacked out, I crawled onto the sidewalk and I sat down. The woman rolled down her car window and yelled, "Watch where you're going!" as she drove by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 686

You deserved it 2 542

18/07/2011 18:23

Today, at my anniversary party and in front of all our friends, I accidentally called my husband-to-be by my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 418

You deserved it 48 516

Sorry Danny de Vito…

By Anonymous - 28/05/2021 14:00

Today, I met my celebrity crush in an official capacity, I was completely tongue tied and when I stood to shake her hand, I tripped and fell with my face in her cleavage. She thought it was funny, but I was mortified and my boss suspended me until security footage proves I didn’t do it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 137

21/09/2017 04:30

Today, I got some news from two colleagues, one of whom just got married for the first time, and the other whose long-time wife was recently diagnosed with an advanced form of cancer. I wrote each of them a heartfelt note, which would've been thoughtful if I hadn't mixed up the recipients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 018

You deserved it 885

25/06/2013 04:22

Spicy

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 195

You deserved it 15 329

Just love!

By Anonymous - 23/01/2020 18:00

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved his flaming red hair. He told me that he loved the fuzz on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 979

You deserved it 500

06/09/2012 06:39

Today, I locked myself out of the house I was house-sitting. An hour later, and my fifth attempt at climbing the fence, I figured I'd try the door one more time. Turns out I was turning the handle the wrong way and the door wasn't locked in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 747

You deserved it 29 332

01/08/2019 02:00

Today, somebody in a store was talking about a girl who had a snake, and while I was walking out the store, an old lady asked me if I was the girl with the snake. I said no, to which she replied, "Oh, because you look like someone who would." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 225

10/09/2012 14:14

Today, my mother shared my phone number with my brother, despite my explicit wishes that she didn't. He immediately went and put it on Craigslist and several other websites. This is the fourth time I've had to change my number for that very same reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 702

You deserved it 2 444

Stinky neighborhood

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 22:01

Today, I came home to a terrible smell in the apartment. Three hours, and a scoured kitchen later, I took the trash out. The smell was not my apartment, but from just across the alley: a neighbor had moved and emptied their fridge. Six more days of sunned milk until pickup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 47

Thanks for the help

By singlemom - 15/07/2021 16:01

Today, while in line for my prescription, my daughter was interrogating the man behind us. I'm a single mother. She asked the man, "Do you think my mom is pretty? Want to go on a date with her?" When he told her he was married, she replied, "So? You can get a divorce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 145

23/06/2011 00:36

Today, I'm a graduate but still an unpaid intern. My daily work is folding letters and putting them into envelopes. The sad thing is, I actually enjoy doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 949

You deserved it 7 800

Pound for pound

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 14:01

Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 99

01/04/2012 14:03

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 364

You deserved it 34 397

17/05/2013 20:49

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. I slipped a ruler into it and started scratching to relieve the itch. Part of the ruler ended up snapping off inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 567

You deserved it 15 697

07/04/2015 00:58

Today, while at my job, a couple became angry with me because I charged them for an extra ranch they'd ordered, as I'm supposed to. When I explained how it says in the menu how any additional sauces are an extra charge, she said nastily, "That's okay, we'll just take it out of your tip". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 239

You deserved it 2 678

19/01/2019 14:00

Today, I stopped and helped a young lady stuck on the side of the road. Guess who got accused of forcing myself and got charged with impersonating a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 453

You deserved it 251

24/01/2014 12:36

Today, my mom took a picture of me. All she could say about the picture was, "At least your sister is pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 938

You deserved it 3 957

Onan would be proud

By concernedcousin - 05/10/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, my little twelve year-old cousin who is staying with us for a while so his parents can "work out issues" ran into my room, his face ghostly white. He begged me to take him to the hospital because he "tugged" on his penis too much in the shower, and was "bleeding milky stuff." Sigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 450

You deserved it 143

02/01/2013 11:15

Today, after a drunken New Year's Eve party with friends, I woke up with a penis on my cheek. It wasn't a drawing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 708

You deserved it 2 009

25/05/2011 16:06

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked pretty. I said, "Aww, that's the first time you've said that to me." He replied, "Well, it's the first time you've looked pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 311

You deserved it 9 576

04/04/2009 14:45

Today, my friend and I went to a really expensive restaurant. We got really bad service, so halfway through the meal we decided to dine-and-dash. Turns out I left my purse in the restaurant. With my I.D. and everything inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 972

You deserved it 191 629

Filth

By roughsexgonewrong - 05/11/2013 18:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying, "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 135

You deserved it 11 561

14/10/2010 08:00

Today, after a small fight with my girlfriend, I started to miss her, so I typed her name into Google on a whim. Surprisingly, I find a link to a blog in which the owner describes his ongoing effort to seduce my girl. During times she told me she was alone. Thanks babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 622

You deserved it 3 480

24/08/2015 21:56

Today, I expressed my feelings to a guy I've liked for a long time. He basically turned me down because I have the same name as his mom, and dating me would be too weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 510

You deserved it 2 135

The Crying Game

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 12:00

Today, I noticed that my weekend hobby is crying. I live in a city where I don't have a single friend or relative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 509

You deserved it 215

Boundaries please!

By mary - 08/06/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me because I still close the door when I go to the bathroom. He pees and poops with the door wide open and expects me to do the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 731

You deserved it 402

21/10/2013 10:57

Today, I finally got my driver's permit. To celebrate, my parents decided to go to a bar and make me wait in the car because I'm now the designated driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 201

You deserved it 4 734

16/05/2019 04:03

Today, I received a series of rejection letters from jobs, one after the other. Last night, I stayed up into the wee morning hours to apply to campus jobs I'm not qualified for, because I was classified as a part-time student due to an administrative error. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 138

02/12/2014 17:02

Today, I deleted a load of junk that was messing up my mother's computer. I don't know how I'm going to tell her I accidentally wiped out all of her wedding photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 424

You deserved it 31 368

02/11/2016 08:45

Today, the mall I work at started playing Christmas songs on repeat. It's the beginning of November. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 095

You deserved it 1 240

11/02/2011 15:46

Today, I watched my grandfather try and park his car inside the storage area for shopping carts, thinking it was a parking space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 358

You deserved it 3 502

05/07/2012 22:15

Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 541

You deserved it 2 717

28/02/2009 17:03

Spicy

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 023

You deserved it 103 927

10/11/2014 05:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 528

You deserved it 7 445

21/08/2015 06:22

Today, one of my ears randomly went deaf. I went to the doctor, thinking I had an ear infection or something. Turns out that your ears can go deaf entirely without reason, and I now have medication to take to see if I can get any of my hearing back in that ear. I'm only 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 988

You deserved it 1 619

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 8:05

Early onset dementia?

thatonegirlnic 10

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 8:13

You must be the middle child

Comments

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 8:05

Early onset dementia?

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 8:15

I was just thinking Alzheimer's. But not necessarily. I personally just have a really bad memory.

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 8:17

Who needs memor... I forgot what i was talking about

\ 28

Wednesday 30 October 2013 9:12

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

KatieMajestic 17

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 10:33

I feel 50% worst about myself after reading that

KatieMajestic 17

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 10:35

*Worse Autocorrect isn't as smart as it thinks -_-

ViRepz 28

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 14:47

#16 gloomy much ...

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Friday 1 November 2013 3:57

Maybe she's meaning when she was pregnant..?

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Friday 1 November 2013 4:02

Ok never mind, I read it wrong.

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 8:07

Maybe the vacation was so unforgettable that she forgot you were there.

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 8:15

That doesn't make any sense. Unless you're comparing the mother's memory to a computer? The vacation was so unforgettable that all the memories caused an integer overflow, crashing her system and restarting the memory unit?

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 9:19

nah, just a mom burn.

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 9:21

she may have Alzheimer's but at least she doesn't have Alzheimer's.

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Friday 1 November 2013 3:59

18, umm WHAT!? your comment is confusing!

sarahbevan20 11

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Sunday 3 November 2013 18:13

Its a paradox, #50.

scooterdude720 19

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 8:13

She was just a carry-on to her mom.

thatonegirlnic 10

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 8:13

You must be the middle child

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 11:59

Don't be hating on the middle.

LanceGoodthrust 19

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 13:08

Yeah, Malcolm was the STAR of the show.

raeepressley 12

Wednesday 30 October 2013 14:10

I dunno, I was the middle of 5, and when my parents would take us out places, they would forget me there from time to time.

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 17:44

As a "general rule" the first child is independent, the middle child is rebellious, and the youngest child is dependent. I don't know if that's always true, but with my husband and his two younger brothers, that is SPOT ON.

kyu_Q 19

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 8:24

maybe she went off and had her 'fun' without you. And that's the party she remembers

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 8:28

You shouldn't feel bad about her forgetting you were there, you probably weren't.

emilyjgraham 34

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 10:37

"I was there. It was just the two of us on holiday". Can you please tell me why OP would say that if they hadn't gone??

SomeRandomGuy15 18

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 12:37

It's possible 10 was joking? I guess?

joea21 21

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 8:35

In the wise words of Buddha, If you can't remember it it's not worth remembering

ambitiousnygrl 17

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 9:43

OP is their child. I'd say they're worth remembering.

joea21 21

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 15:14

Doesn't mean they're worth remembering. Hitler was someone's child too, don't think his mother wants to remember him either. Bam, mind blown.

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 17:35

My friend went on vacation with her mom and sisters. Every picture the mother put in the Memory book has the other girls but no Dana. I thought Dana's mom sucked until I realized Dana is kind of a party killer and didn't even want to leave the boat. So maybe Op didn't make the trip memorable.

fluffywaspluka 7

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Thursday 31 October 2013 1:39

#36, Everyone remembers Hitler though, right? Bam, mind blown.

joea21 21

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Thursday 31 October 2013 7:58

Touché 36 but this OP is not important enough either say you look at it

davincidasecond 24

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 8:54

I'm not saying this to be funny, but maybe she got hit in the head or something. Either that or she's going through some sort of dementia.

fakedsincerity 32

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 9:04

Maybe you were really boring and she felt like you weren't there.

Soundslikeothers 15

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 9:04

You should post an FML about this