Today, my wife yelled at me for admitting I take my wedding ring off at work. I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it. She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML
Today, at work, my vindictive, cheating ex made me clean and inspect her new wedding ring. FML
Today, my wife figured out I gave her a dollar store ring for our anniversary. FML
Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes, "Betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML
Today, my husband went on a boys' night but I found his wedding ring on the nightstand so I confronted him when he got home. He was wearing his ring. What I had was a brass olive ring for plumbing so now I look like a jealous idiot. FML
Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML
Today, I found my wife crying. She said she’d lost her diamond ring. I backtracked her activities and suggested where to look. She found it in the fridge. She now thinks I hid it there. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML
Today, I ignored my wife's phone calls at work, since all she ever wants to do is complain or talk about chores and projects. An hour later, security called my desk. She'd shown up at work to bitch me out for ignoring her. Now I'm the laughing stock of my workplace. FML
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Top comments
foreveridiot17 18
Congrats you married an idiot!
redreynard 14
Nuts to your science! I have a gypsy in a vending machine!
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Comments (91)
Urpoppy 21
And you married this idiot?
3Aboodii 16
YDI for picking the dumboo
brevolorio 5
I take off my wedding ring at work too because I work on cars I learned to never tell women that because mine went to work with me thing I'm cheating on here I work with all guys so that was hell for 6 hours.
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
You need to reevaluate this comment.
TheArchAngel 8
Punctuation my friend. It's the difference between helping your uncle, Jack, off a horse, or helping your uncle Jack off a horse.
BunchieRules 31
45 - That was possibly the longest sentence I've ever read. 56 - I have another comparison. With an Oxford comma: "We invited the strippers, JFK, and Stalin." Without the Oxford comma: "We invited the strippers, JFK and Stalin."
freshprizzle1 13
I think I got it. I take my wedding ring off at work, too, because I work on cars. I learned never to tell women that because my wife went to work with me; She thought I was cheating in her. I only work with guys so that was 6 hours of hell.
limblessorphan 4
My wife gets angry everytime i take my ring of to work. Even the fact that i'm a male prostitute doesn't help.
Garulf 7
oh man, my condolences.. get some nice solution under the ring and see if she understands when you have chemical burns to the bone under it..
xFaust_fml 12
I don't see the problem. I don't believe in that chemistry crap either. And don't tell me "physics" is real too. Everyone knows God is the one keeping you on the ground, not that gravity nonsense. And don't get me started on "biology"! What is wrong with the world?!
LuckyLynx7732 5
The worst part is that I would believe this comment if it were pure sarcasm or a completely honest opinion.
xFaust_fml 12
Sarcasm. But yeah, I realised afterwards that it could, sadly, be taken seriously. You believe in things that can't be proven, like ghosts, god or magic. That's the whole point of belief or faith. Otherwise it's just knowledge. But how the hell can someone "believe" or not in science?
Cinn_fml 23
Someone once told me there was no such thing as a fact. So that level of stupidity is actually possible.
eveadamsnyc 2
Wow. How did you not know this before you got married ?
shortperson247 4
Your wife my friend, is an idiot.....
oneFUCKINword 8
Just from what i can tell in this fml, OP's wife is ignorant, rude, and stupid. I hope to god she is really, really hot and rich for OP's sake, because by the sounds of it she has nothing else going for her.
br0ccoli 15
That lack of common sense is is passed down genetically. Next thing you know, your demon seed will be pulling experiments with cans of spray tan.