Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML
Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML
Today, I went and had my first ultrasound done. My husband said he had a meeting at work, and couldn't come. As I was leaving, I saw him at the doctor's office with another heavily pregnant woman. FML
Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
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Top comments
JestrRulz 12
Thank you for your service. What a way to be rewarded. :( Kid isn't yours and apparently neither is the wife. D I V O R C E
s0ulslack 20
She should miss the divorce party then!
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Comments (195)
oliepop12 3
So sorry! Thank you for your service and fighting for good in the world! You are all heroes no matter the age: gender or race. You will find somebody better, the soldier gets the girls! :) hope you ship home soon!
CastielJ 6
Man **** that Bitch. You risk your life overseas and she pays you with "I'm prego, not yours."
ScrewedUpMess 15
So he can't be around for his wife all of the time because he is doing something courageous and importan, and that means that it's perfectly alright for his wife to cheat on him? How can some people honestly think that this is acceptable? OP, I am very sorry sir, I sincerely hope that you find someone who can actually respect you and the sacrifice you make for your country.
SGTScottUSArmy 4
Op- take some NCO advice! you already know what to do sir! Divorce her and make her famous!
xplainphrox 8
Thank you for your service and dedication. Don't do something stupid... Like getting yourself killed!! She'd get benefits she doesn't deserve!! I'd start the divorce as soon as ya could... Speak to your 'boss' and see what you can do from where you are... This is why some cultures sew the woman's privates closed... I don't agree with the culture, but your wife needed this done!! She deserves every persons' disgust! Again. Sorry OP
jordyxjigsaw 11
This is exactly what that new tv show had said. The one were therapy becomes a sport. I don't believe you.
DracoSpirita 21
What?
McFail_fml 4
You're HOT lolle_p0p ;)
willmatrix 6
Sorry to say, but under the law in most if not all states, if you are married when the baby is born or if one is born within 10 months of you getting divorced, that baby is legally yours.
raraisbang 12
That's not true. That is why they have that cool thing called DNA testing, and seeing as he was overseas during conception and birth, I'm pretty sure everyone will believe this kid isn't his.
Irishgypsy 2
Thank you for defending our freedom. Women are evil
brandoneyez1 25
She had 9 months ... That's nearly a year to tell you she's pregnant and having this baby. What a selfish **** bucket. Get tested to confirm you're not the father... Unless there is absolutely no way... And move on!