Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML
Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML
Today, I went and had my first ultrasound done. My husband said he had a meeting at work, and couldn't come. As I was leaving, I saw him at the doctor's office with another heavily pregnant woman. FML
Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
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Top comments
JestrRulz 12
Thank you for your service. What a way to be rewarded. :( Kid isn't yours and apparently neither is the wife. D I V O R C E
s0ulslack 20
She should miss the divorce party then!
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Comments (195)
McFail_fml 4
O.0 glad you didn't find it disrespectful...only meant it as a compliment. lol dont know why so many people are angry/jealous that I complimented you. Lol I'll try to steer this back on topic if you prefer. Btw if you were my officer stationed over seas then I would absolutely wait for you to come home ;)
rcgirl2 11
Wow. That's jacked up. What a selfish *****. You're overseas in the army while she's sleeping with men and got knocked up. DIVORCE HER ASS.
DasHaas 9
It's easy to recognise the americans vs the rest of the world in this thread.
habick 4
So who ever put he deserves it...your a moron. Damn trolls
ignaciofml 3
This is worded exactly like that commercial for that Matthew perry show, and has no specifics. I'm calling it: Tr0ll But if indeed this is truthful, I'm very sorry and she should know she doesn't deserve you as a person and a man who serves our country.
sailor210 0
I'm sorry to hear that. Jodi can be a real prick!
doglover100 29
Sorry. She's horrible for cheating on you.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
ouch
awalker2782 5
Ur wife's a bitch! Get rid of trash like that. On a brighter note THANK YOU for serving ur country.
xNiiiiiCKx 4
Wow i just enlisted and i've been real nervous about that. Sucks that people can't stay faithful while you put your life on the line.