Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML
Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML
Today, I went and had my first ultrasound done. My husband said he had a meeting at work, and couldn't come. As I was leaving, I saw him at the doctor's office with another heavily pregnant woman. FML
Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
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Top comments
JestrRulz 12
Thank you for your service. What a way to be rewarded. :( Kid isn't yours and apparently neither is the wife. D I V O R C E
s0ulslack 20
She should miss the divorce party then!
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Comments (195)
valwojazz 11
That makes me sad, so sorry OP.
jm42345 5
send that cum dumpster packing if this happend to any of my friends id go to the house while giving birth to that basterd child toss all her shit out an change the locks
incaseudidntkno 11
Too bad this same exact story is mentioned in Matthew Perry's new show "Go On".
pinkpixie06 11
Thank you! I was thinking the same thing. And the wording is almost identical!
DayWalker8686 4
DEPLOYMENTS: Seperating the women from the girls.
benimin 6
Who ever said you deserved isn't the brightest. He's fighting for your country (I'm Canadian assuming you're American) any she can't show some goddamn respect. I'm a Canadian sniper in afghan. If my girlfriend did that to me... BAM* 150 xp
CanCann 16
Did you guys use In-Vitri or AI?
purpledrizzle 5
Your wife is a horrible wench! While your serving the country, she's out with another man! I'm sorry OP, but you can do so much better than that harlot.
sharpshooterben 13
Wow... That's ****** up
maddiewoah 15
All the people who are saying "oh, this sounds like this story or this movie preview" or whatever, don't seem to realize that there are actually more women (and men) than they think there are, cheating on their deployed military spouse. It's ******* ridiculous. It's like these people use the military for the "benefits" that it comes with, the guaranteed paycheck and the health insurance, etc.. and then use the deployments as their own time to hook up with whoever they want. It's disrespectful and disgusting. Plain and simple, OP, you deserve so much better than her for a wife.
Lynabear 0
So I'm sure ppl are going to attack me viciously for this but, Why in other fmls with cheating spouses would ppl say "oh you two should try to work it out" but this one it's "divorce the bitch"! Is it because of the baby or because everyone sees this military man as a near god? We don't know what's up. Maybe they got in a crazy huge fight and "broke up" or maybe he cheated while away, I've known some military men who've done that and still expect their wives/gfs to be waiting for them at home. Or she couldve gotten lonely and cheated, which is not nice.