Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML
Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML
Today, I went and had my first ultrasound done. My husband said he had a meeting at work, and couldn't come. As I was leaving, I saw him at the doctor's office with another heavily pregnant woman. FML
Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
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Top comments
JestrRulz 12
Thank you for your service. What a way to be rewarded. :( Kid isn't yours and apparently neither is the wife. D I V O R C E
s0ulslack 20
She should miss the divorce party then!
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Comments (195)
jenniferelaine 3
Ydi for stealing the line from tv
Thewoog34 0
The worst part is when you divorce, even with DNA testing to prove the kid is not yours and she cheated, she will still get most of your possessions and money and she will probably cry rape too which not only makes real rape victims look bad but it'll probably further benefit her in this. The legal system is majorly in favor of women, and the radical feminists still complain that it's not enough.
Thewoog34 0
By the way, OP, you're a military officer. You'll find a more suitable woman easily, just don't marry the first one you hook up with. Wait a while and wait for the right person to come into your life.
Daftendirekt1 0
111 - your comment was a McFail. And disrespectful.
idrow 7
If it's not yours, why do you say she's giving birth to 'our' first born? Leave her now before you get stuck paying child support for a kid that's not yours.
MidnaLink 35
That she's a stupid cheating bitch who can't wait until her husband comes home!!!
bspiper87 7
I hate how hoes mess with people in the military...damnit your partner is in another country possibly fighting for your rights, freedom, and safey and this is how they get thanked? Sorry op. This pisses me off
brooks10101 1
So now your ex wife can fin her own place after you kick her and her basterd out yes?
JaysFanStu 3
Very few things piss me off more than people who screw around on their spouse while the spouse is stationed somewhere. Your life defo sucks.
FML_14u2c 14
Wow, this reminds me of a "Frankie Valli and the 4 Seasons" song called "Toy Soldier". I'm sorry OP.
ninja143 0
The thing that people are missing is that a relationship is two sided. she has been sneaking around while he is faithful which means she's getting "action" and he's not. Sir, I do thank you for your service to our country. you will receive much better things soon. she will receive her karma and just reward while you will get your much needed honor. I commend you for your life choice and appreciate it. hang in there. a higher plan is set for you.