Miscellaneous: Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me...

By Anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

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Miscellaneous

The smell detective is on the case

Dangling modifier

All that time I'm never getting back

By SailorVenus93

Be reasonable, people

Today, at work, I was told at the beginning of my shift that we would be enforcing a 4-item limit on hand sanitizer, toilet paper, etc. Not even 20 minutes later, I had 2 customers bitch me out. This is going to be a long shift, if not year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1996

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117

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By meens42 - United States

Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

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58116

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2021 02:01

The Phoebe Technique

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of five years has been cheating on me with other women from all the hickeys and scratch marks he has. But to top it off, he's slowly been moving out for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1022

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By anonymous - United States - Huntington

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text this morning saying I love you. I rarely do this and instead of receiving the same message back, I got a message from my girlfriend accusing me of meaning to send it to someone else and dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45819

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By InnocenceBlue

Today, I finally managed to get my electrician boyfriend to agree to replace our old lights, after a year of asking. Saturday, he couldn't be bothered and Sunday he came down with a mysterious man flu. This is about the 10th time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1487

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my dog took a dump beside the air intake for our furnace. The house now smells like dog crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25893

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4039

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By Anonymous - United States - Hillsboro

Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML

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31035

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By .... - United States - Modesto

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "we don't communicate enough". She got her friend to tell me this for her. FML

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44972

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By Anonymous90 - Canada

Today, I spent 100 dollars on lingerie. I put it on, walk out to the living room, and tell my boyfriend to follow me into the bedroom. He says no, and then pretends to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36764

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By RonnieG - United States - Orlando

Today, I confessed to losing my wife's engagement ring, and replacing it with a lookalike months ago. My wife also confessed that her actual engagement ring was locked in the safe, and the one I lost had been a fake. I've been paying the replacement off on my credit card for 6 months. FML

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46022

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By Anonymous - United States

Toot toot!

Today, trying to make my 6 year-old daughter to laugh, I drew a picture of a butt, a puff of air coming out and the word "Toot". My daughter thought it extremely funny. Later, when she was talking with my extremely judgmental mother-in-law, I heard her say, "Daddy taught me how to draw butts." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/1/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

No logic

Today, my uncle died from COVID he contracted at church. During the service, his pastor got up and started talking about how proud he was that my uncle didn't let a pandemic stop him from going to worship. At the church. That gave him COVID. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1189

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By embarrassed - Australia - Morphett Vale

Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30861

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By sophie - United States

Today, my teacher told me I wasn't pretty enough to play the princess part in the play. FML

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45700

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By Anonymous

News to me

Today, my dad told me he liked men. While he was making a drunken speech. At my wedding. FML

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1773

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148

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to make up a story about my "friends" at school so my mom doesn't keep telling I'm a loser. FML

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34573

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By Mrs. Man - United States

Today, a stranger told me how proud he was that my boyfriend and I were so open with our sexuality. For the past three years, most strangers have thought we are a pair of gay men. I am a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36858

You deserved it

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By Ploeboi - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally got a job. As a clown. FML

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33271

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By Anonymous

Today, I actually said the words "yes, a blowjob from a guy is still cheating" to my husband. I never thought that would be a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4348

You deserved it

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By AHole - United States - Grand Forks

Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10798

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By fml9124 - 22/10/2020 02:00 - United States

Mixology

Today, my wife is out of town on business. So I got drunk. Really drunk. Felt like swimming around midnight (we live in Arizona). Jumped in the pool… and forget how to swim. Too uncoordinated, I almost drowned. Then I threw up in the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

299

You deserved it

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By eddiemusicjazz - United States - Azusa

Today, a week after I lost my wallet, replaced the majority of my ID cards, canceled my debit card, and went to the DMV and paid for a replacement driver's license, I found my wallet. It was in my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9961

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By mommyfairy - United States

Today, I realized that my boss is able to read all the emails my coworker and I send each other. Most of them are about how she is such a shitty boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11116

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was trying on a shirt and asked my boyfriend if he liked it. He replied, "If I say no, can we still have sex tonight?" FML

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34226

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By temp

Today, after working my ass off for 2 months, receiving perfect reviews, and going out of my way to take on extra work to get a job offer from the location where I temp, I finally got an offer for a permanent position. Included in the offer was a $3.00 an hour pay cut and no insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10807

You deserved it

681

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By asdfjkl - United States

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38143

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By needmorelocks - United States - Santa Paula

What?!

Today, my mom called to chew me out for having my sister arrested. My sister broke into my apartment, rearranged my living room, and claimed she now lived with me. She then threatened me with a butcher's knife for not appreciating what she had done. My mom wants me to pay the bail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40213

You deserved it

2739

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By fcnk - United States

Today, I took home my grandpa's ashes. I then went out with my grandma, leaving my 5-year-old at home with my 12-year-old. When I got home, my beaming 5-year-old opened the door, covered in white powder. My grandmother asked where all the powder had come from. She pointed to the empty ashbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49172

You deserved it

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By yeaokay - United States

Today, I had a serious conversation with my dad about my brother and I. It started with, "I love you", and ended with, "You and your brother were mistakes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30046

You deserved it

2823

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By dragynfyre - United States

Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25795

You deserved it

2116

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By OhGreat - United States

Today, my dad went through my room while I was out and threw away the "inappropriate pictures" that he found. They're the nudes I've been working on for art class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39926

You deserved it

5194

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my father in law drunkenly announced at dinner that he wished my husband had married my best friend. No one stuck up for me. Not even my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42298

You deserved it

3362

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By Xav_Cad - France

Today, I found a deodorant spray underneath the counter of the snack place I work in, so give it a try to see what it smells like. It's currently the high season, and so I have quite a few clients standing in line in front of me, but it seems they'll now have to wait a couple of days for the restaurant to have all the remnants of the CS gas spray cleaned up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7056

You deserved it

23046

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By Katherine - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend about how many germs live on the average cell phone. My five year old son apparently overheard me talking, and decided to give my cell phone a bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29531

You deserved it

6465

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By steph - France

Today, my ex-girlfriend told me that she can't live without me, but she has another boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45148

You deserved it

4117

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By TotaledBeamer

Today, I found out how much damage my neighbor's 5-year-old kid can do to my brand-new BMW with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2210

You deserved it

143

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By BrokeCollegeStudent

It's a doggy dog world

Today, I got a call from my mom-in-law saying I have to buy my own food. I took 3 weeks off on unpaid vacation and came out of state to watch my in-laws' house and dog sit while they go out of country. I'm not allowed to touch their food, even the spoiling stuff. My husband doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3590

You deserved it

316

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By rosabelle91 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32342

You deserved it

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By violet - United States

Today, I was lying in bed minding my own business when my mom entered the room. I was proposed to a few weeks ago by my boyfriend, and my mom came in to tell me that my boyfriend's mom was on the phone. Turns out, he stole the engagement ring from her drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39976

You deserved it

3441

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By Misty Michelle Jones

Today, I purchased a rather expensive, self-cleaning litter box for my 4 cats. Now they're shitting outside of the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1492

You deserved it

330

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Top comments

By Duladian | 19

#5095119 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:41

Happens to all of us. Just sucks when it does

By zingline89 | 18

#5095167 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:47

That happened to me once. Except it was at the zoo. And it was a gorilla that waved at me. He was not as friendly up close.

COMMENTS

By Duladian | 19

#5095119 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:41

Happens to all of us. Just sucks when it does

onlychildFTW | 33

#5095851 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 1:41

I don't know if it happens to all of us. But I would assume its awkward and very embarrassing.

xSonic | 9

#5096699 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 8:42

He was talking to all of US. Not you. See 36, it just happened to you (:

Emma Marshall | 19

#7640125 - Monday 28 May 2018 11:39

I don't think this happens to all of us lol.

By halzmac | 5

#5095129 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:42

Oh no. I hope you got out of there as fast as possible! :p

By Reeserr | 3

#5095132 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:42

Awkward...

MelTheGreat | 23

#5095284 - Monday 29 October 2012 23:10

So is this comment.

EverestMelting | 23

#5096221 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 3:45

^ So was that one.

By fadingaway | 17

#5095147 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:44

That sucks. Hopefully he was nice enough to see it was just an honest mistake and laugh it off. Props for having the confidence to approach him.

By MURIKKA | 11

#5095154 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:44

That's a shame, the food court would've been such a romantic place for you two to hit it off.

gc327072 | 29

#5095200 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:51

"You like pizza?! OMG me too!!!1!!1!"

Yep, plenty of soulmates in the food court.

Duladian | 19

#5095219 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:56

Soul food. Soul mates. Hey it could work!

Parky03 | 9

#5095498 - Monday 29 October 2012 23:59

Your not truly American if you don't like pizza.

the_smart_way | 10

#5096133 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 3:07

There goes that stereotype rearing it's ugly head again

By cheekyterier | 13

#5095158 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:45

give him your number anyway...they'll break up eventually

Axipiter | 24

#5095179 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:48

Haha! Especially after the "Who the hell was that!?" conversation that most likely ensued!

Vball6 | 19

#5095223 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:57

Yeah, just walk up to a random guy who was calling his girlfriend and hand him your number, sounds smart.

How can you be so sure they'll break up anyway? Omg.

ambear26 | 14

#5095788 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 1:18

You don't even know them..... How do you know they will break up?

cheekyterier | 13

#5097115 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 11:42

well, all's fair in love and war.

_wraith | 15

#5097595 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 16:05

45 - you're fourteen. What do you know about love or war?

mjacv2 | 5

#5099846 - Wednesday 31 October 2012 5:40

Duh! She has seen a lot of movies...

By zingline89 | 18

#5095167 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:47

That happened to me once. Except it was at the zoo. And it was a gorilla that waved at me. He was not as friendly up close.

crazytwinsmom | 25

#5095230 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:58

My favorite comment yet!

KrazieKleo | 13

#5095823 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 1:31

Gorilla? Fuck I thought that was my uncle the whole time :(.

By AH1Zviper | 15

#5095175 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:47

Just go ahead and pretend you were going to say hi to your boyfriend. " Oh, you were saying hi to your girlfriend? Sorry, I was waving hi to my boyfriend... Who's waaaayyyy over there."

By hapy_pig098 | 13

#5095181 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:48

Let me guess no love life i bet you wanna be kristin stewart right now

AH1Zviper | 15

#5099379 - Wednesday 31 October 2012 2:11

Who in their right mind would want to be kristen stewart? She's the justin bieber of movies. That and the sparkly fairy.

By kyleekay | 25

#5095188 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:49

That's why you never walk up to a random person who you suspect is staring at you. In my experience, the person who I thought was looking at me usually never was.

Parky03 | 9

#5095505 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 0:01

Then you need a prettier face...

I get stared at more than enough...

kyleekay | 25

#5095627 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 0:28

I'm sure you do.

maosquare | 18

#5095763 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 1:08

Let me introduce you to my friend, Whom. He's nice and sweet but yet, he's always neglected by many.