Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me...

By Anonymous - 29/10/2012 17:59 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Rich people problems

In my day…

By Anonymous - 18/2/2012 00:58 - United States

Today, it's been one week since my demented grandma babysat my five-year-old daughter while my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. Now she's taken to screaming and calling me a "damn commie" whenever I discipline or say no to her. FML

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By egged - 1/10/2009 06:43 - Singapore

Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML

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By tay - 10/4/2012 11:13 - Australia

Today, I found out that my mother is extremely emotional when it comes to animal deaths when a bird flew into the window and died, and she insisted we have a funeral. FML

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By Lonelyhopeful - 5/12/2016 20:08

Today, I was driving in a busy area looking for a place to park. I happened to lock eyes with a really handsome man who was walking alongside the road. He approached my car with a huge, gorgeous smile, and as I rolled my window down he asked, "Are you my Uber?" FML

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By Frenchgirl - 16/9/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, it was my first day at school in the United States. Being from France, my French accent is really strong. After being made fun of all day, I met someone from Montreal. I was so excited and said, "Parlez-vous Français?" And his response? "HUH?!" FML

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By Savanerzz - 18/3/2018 01:30

Perfect timing!

Today my fiancé broke up with me. Two hours later, the store I bought my dress from called to say it’s ready to be picked up. FML

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By Surewhatever - 16/10/2019 14:01

Not on a plane

Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/6/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, at my wedding, when my husband heard "you may now kiss the bride" he swung me down romantically and was about to plant one on me when his arm slipped, causing me to fall on the floor hitting my head, and getting a concussion. FML

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By Mr. Shawzy - 15/1/2009 11:43 - Canada

Today, after taking a shower, I decided to weigh myself. Curious, I peered down. I couldn't see the scale. I am fat. FML

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By Jeff - 23/5/2019 22:21

Fight Club for Dummies

Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML

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By Not A Pervert - 4/11/2014 00:00 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, while at work, I was shown CCTV footage of myself staring at the chest belonging to a teenager I was serving. I was accused of being a paedophile and nearly fired, all because I wanted to know what version of Spider-Man was on her T-shirt. FML

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By Tali - 28/7/2011 06:18 - Australia

Today, my husband threw out all of the spices in the cupboard. When I asked him why he said, "Our cat was named Spicy and I can't stand to look at them." Our recently deceased cat's name was Dicey. FML

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By Biggie - 12/5/2009 07:49 - United States

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when she began skipping ahead of me and out in to the street. I saw a car coming right at her so I tackled her to the ground to save her. Turns out the car was stopping and was never going to hit her, and my girlfriend doesn't appreciate concussions. FML

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By zetuga - 1/4/2015 07:40 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, my girlfriend asked me to take my belt off as the buckle was hurting her leg. I didn't have a belt on. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2013 04:35 - Canada - Lindsay

Today, while working as a swim instructor, I started singing the hokey pokey to get all the kids used to putting their faces in the water. One of the kids was covering his ears. When I asked him why, he said "because you were singing." He's 3. FML

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By ravenskater - 4/4/2011 02:47

Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML

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By S. - 26/8/2012 16:20 - Estonia

Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML

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By Leota - 15/8/2011 16:20 - United States

Today, I received a message on Facebook from a guy I've liked for a year. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, so I said yes. When I walked out to his car later on, he gave me a really confused look. Apparently I was on my brother's Facebook, and he'd never logged out. FML

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By not eyelid - 20/9/2016 19:53 - Spain - Manresa

Today, at work, I quickly bought plane tickets on an iPad. I should have taken my time doing it, because now, thanks to autocorrect, I have two tickets for a girl with the first name of Eyelid. FML

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By clueless2 - 20/2/2009 15:38 - United States

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

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By kl - 26/10/2009 06:15 - Canada

Today, after waiting a couple weeks, I finally slept with this guy I really like. It went like this: 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, done. FML

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By MeowApp - 1/2/2017 10:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, in my early morning haze, I tried to find the setting on my phone that would stop my cat meowing for his breakfast. FML

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By Username - 16/9/2010 23:27 - France

Today, I decided to dye my hair to freshen up my appearance. I asked my husband for his opinion, expecting him to recommend a color. He then asked me why going on a diet wasn't my first option. FML

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By John Nani - 25/12/2011 17:06 - United States

Today, it's Christmas day. Normally, my family would be opening gifts right now. Instead, my mom is holding our gifts hostage until we clean the house. Apparently, "The presents aren't going anywhere." FML

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By Bellend - 21/2/2012 07:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed a flash car badly parking itself in a handicapped space. I hate the asshats who do this, so I went up to berate the driver. After an opening salvo of coarse language, a glint of light on his wheelchair in the back caught my eye. I then had to apologise for being a shitehawk. FML

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By fail - 21/12/2010 09:38 - United States

Today, an attractive guy told me he wanted to get to know me and see me again. When I told my boyfriend, in hopes of stirring up some jealousy, he said "he'll regret it when he finds out what you're like in bed, trust me." FML

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By theamericandream - 25/1/2009 13:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

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By impishsamaritan - 7/9/2019 22:00

Toxic Managers

Today, I had to pretend in front of our director that my manager is a nice person. In reality, she's a soul-sucking bully who has made my life so miserable that twice I was on the brink of nervous breakdown. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, I was on the bus heading home from school, when I noticed a ridiculously hot girl near me, checking me out. I was about to say something charmingly funny when I suddenly got a whiff of onions. Turns out she had turned around simply to catch the essence of her own fart. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2011 19:54 - Denmark

Today, I realized that trying to fit in with my crush's social circle by acting like one of the lads was a waste of time. All he does is high-five me all the time and tell me every little detail of his latest one night stands. FML

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By BoobSicle - 17/4/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, I took a picture of my boobs and sent it to my boyfriend, only to realize after I hit "send" that I had sent them to the taxi driver (my last phone call) who had just dropped me off at my house. He won't stop calling my phone now. FML

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By scotto - 23/2/2009 01:21 - United States

Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML

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By Jess - 20/12/2013 08:02 - United States - Modesto

Today, in a desperate attempt to add some variety to my life, I resorted to closing my eyes and picking a random font for my essay paper. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2018 15:00

Charming...

Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML

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By James - 5/11/2009 16:38 - United States

Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party". There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML

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By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - 27/6/2015 01:21 - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

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By adamclmns - 16/7/2011 22:52 - United States

Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML

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By anyonmus - 12/4/2013 00:59 - United States - Westminster

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

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By Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet - 26/9/2015 01:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

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By PeepShow - 6/8/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML

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Top comments

By Duladian | 19

#5095119 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:41

Happens to all of us. Just sucks when it does

By zingline89 | 18

#5095167 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:47

That happened to me once. Except it was at the zoo. And it was a gorilla that waved at me. He was not as friendly up close.

COMMENTS

By Duladian | 19

#5095119 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:41

Happens to all of us. Just sucks when it does

onlychildFTW | 33

#5095851 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 1:41

I don't know if it happens to all of us. But I would assume its awkward and very embarrassing.

xSonic | 9

#5096699 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 8:42

He was talking to all of US. Not you. See 36, it just happened to you (:

Emma Marshall | 19

#7640125 - Monday 28 May 2018 11:39

I don't think this happens to all of us lol.

By halzmac | 5

#5095129 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:42

Oh no. I hope you got out of there as fast as possible! :p

By Reeserr | 3

#5095132 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:42

Awkward...

MelTheGreat | 23

#5095284 - Monday 29 October 2012 23:10

So is this comment.

EverestMelting | 23

#5096221 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 3:45

^ So was that one.

By fadingaway | 17

#5095147 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:44

That sucks. Hopefully he was nice enough to see it was just an honest mistake and laugh it off. Props for having the confidence to approach him.

By MURIKKA | 11

#5095154 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:44

That's a shame, the food court would've been such a romantic place for you two to hit it off.

gc327072 | 29

#5095200 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:51

"You like pizza?! OMG me too!!!1!!1!"

Yep, plenty of soulmates in the food court.

Duladian | 19

#5095219 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:56

Soul food. Soul mates. Hey it could work!

Parky03 | 9

#5095498 - Monday 29 October 2012 23:59

Your not truly American if you don't like pizza.

the_smart_way | 10

#5096133 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 3:07

There goes that stereotype rearing it's ugly head again

By cheekyterier | 13

#5095158 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:45

give him your number anyway...they'll break up eventually

Axipiter | 24

#5095179 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:48

Haha! Especially after the "Who the hell was that!?" conversation that most likely ensued!

Vball6 | 19

#5095223 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:57

Yeah, just walk up to a random guy who was calling his girlfriend and hand him your number, sounds smart.

How can you be so sure they'll break up anyway? Omg.

ambear26 | 14

#5095788 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 1:18

You don't even know them..... How do you know they will break up?

cheekyterier | 13

#5097115 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 11:42

well, all's fair in love and war.

_wraith | 15

#5097595 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 16:05

45 - you're fourteen. What do you know about love or war?

mjacv2 | 5

#5099846 - Wednesday 31 October 2012 5:40

Duh! She has seen a lot of movies...

By zingline89 | 18

#5095167 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:47

That happened to me once. Except it was at the zoo. And it was a gorilla that waved at me. He was not as friendly up close.

crazytwinsmom | 25

#5095230 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:58

My favorite comment yet!

KrazieKleo | 13

#5095823 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 1:31

Gorilla? Fuck I thought that was my uncle the whole time :(.

By AH1Zviper | 15

#5095175 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:47

Just go ahead and pretend you were going to say hi to your boyfriend. " Oh, you were saying hi to your girlfriend? Sorry, I was waving hi to my boyfriend... Who's waaaayyyy over there."

By hapy_pig098 | 13

#5095181 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:48

Let me guess no love life i bet you wanna be kristin stewart right now

AH1Zviper | 15

#5099379 - Wednesday 31 October 2012 2:11

Who in their right mind would want to be kristen stewart? She's the justin bieber of movies. That and the sparkly fairy.

By kyleekay | 25

#5095188 - Monday 29 October 2012 22:49

That's why you never walk up to a random person who you suspect is staring at you. In my experience, the person who I thought was looking at me usually never was.

Parky03 | 9

#5095505 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 0:01

Then you need a prettier face...

I get stared at more than enough...

kyleekay | 25

#5095627 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 0:28

I'm sure you do.

maosquare | 18

#5095763 - Tuesday 30 October 2012 1:08

Let me introduce you to my friend, Whom. He's nice and sweet but yet, he's always neglected by many.