Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML
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Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML
Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML
Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML
Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML
Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML
Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML
Today, my son said his first word. It was the N-word. We are white. I need to have a talk with my husband immediately. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
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Top comments
AustinDenton 22
I wonder where he learned that
Welshite 40
#11: And the classics weren't? Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm syndrome. The Lion King: murder your brother and marry his wife. AKA: Hamlet. The Little Mermaid: mutilating your body and changing to get the man of your dreams. Aladdin: steal stuff. Sleeping Beauty: don't become a seamstress. Also, necrophilia fixes everything. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: because sleeping with seven men is sooo innocent. Alice in Wonderland: this is what being under the influence of drugs looks like, kids. And so on and so forth. Probably why I love the classic Disney films.
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Comments (132)
sammeb002 5
Maybe it was just a baby sound
Cilg1244 17
Well you do know that **** is another word for chicken.
ayyy_bro 26
That's what you get for being a shit parent.
sarabear94 4
What next..try convincing yourself you don't use foul language around him???
luverofakatsuki 16
well my first word was "****" and I turned out just fine..... I think
oscar5542369 2
Wow hes smart he allready knows the roosters other name
UNLUCKYyY1037 26
C'mon son, what does the "clock" say?
thecrazymancan 17
This is definitely something to add to the baby book. :P
Whydoucare24 8
You must have been watching a rated R with him in the room or u need to watch your mouth around your son kids are like recorder the pick up everything
grunt_fml 17
And here it is... the first embarassing story you can use to entertain his future girlfriends.