Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML
Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML
Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML
Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML
Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML
Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML
Today, my son said his first word. It was the N-word. We are white. I need to have a talk with my husband immediately. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
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Top comments
AustinDenton 22
I wonder where he learned that
Welshite 40
#11: And the classics weren't? Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm syndrome. The Lion King: murder your brother and marry his wife. AKA: Hamlet. The Little Mermaid: mutilating your body and changing to get the man of your dreams. Aladdin: steal stuff. Sleeping Beauty: don't become a seamstress. Also, necrophilia fixes everything. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: because sleeping with seven men is sooo innocent. Alice in Wonderland: this is what being under the influence of drugs looks like, kids. And so on and so forth. Probably why I love the classic Disney films.
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Comments (132)
ebrainer1 9
He hasn't been watching Top Gear clips featuring James May, has he?
kaylaaa01 11
Kids repeat what they hear.
cryptstine 0
When my son was little he always pronounced truck that way. We'd be eating at a restaurant and a big truck would drive by and out of the blue he yells **** as loud as he can. Funny but embarrassing.
jlperry31 10
They only say what they hear
jtheasian 6
Men will be men I suppose.
Jaevwyn 17
If thats the first word then Grade A parenting skills from you, your other half or both! Great job (And yes haters, although the kid may have heard it on tv the kid should still have enough contact with people who know better than to curse around a small child to have different first words)
pixistickx 22
That is a ridiculous statement. Could it maybe just be that the child had trouble pronouncing? I had to go to speech therapy as I had real trouble pronouncing certain vowels and consonants. By the way I turned out perfectly fine... highly educated, well mannered, respectful, polite etc. To instantly say that they are bad parents because of this is insane, like another commenter said, they easily could have been trying to pronounce clock! I'm sure you are perfect when you are being so judgemental towards others.
DanielleD93 16
Well **** is another word for chicken, try thinking of it that way
my_bad36 6
I call bull. Children say words like mamma and dads because the sounds are formed on the lips so they mimic those words first **** comes from the movement of the tongue...
fj19 9
Ha!!! Made me laugh.
qwertyuioCrystal 5
My first word was **** and I was honestly trying to say clock. Same with my brother. Just accept that kids will try to say whatever you try to get them to say. If they were exposed to the word 'clock' a lot, they may have just had difficulty pronouncing the l. :P