Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML
Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML
Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML
Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML
Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML
Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML
Today, my son said his first word. It was the N-word. We are white. I need to have a talk with my husband immediately. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
AustinDenton 22
I wonder where he learned that
Welshite 40
#11: And the classics weren't? Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm syndrome. The Lion King: murder your brother and marry his wife. AKA: Hamlet. The Little Mermaid: mutilating your body and changing to get the man of your dreams. Aladdin: steal stuff. Sleeping Beauty: don't become a seamstress. Also, necrophilia fixes everything. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: because sleeping with seven men is sooo innocent. Alice in Wonderland: this is what being under the influence of drugs looks like, kids. And so on and so forth. Probably why I love the classic Disney films.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (132)
ulissey_fml 22
I suspect fowl play..; maybe he was egged on by his babysitter, in what case chicken forget about coming back on fry day , because this is no poultry mistake. But to teach a kid such a rude word, she'd have to be hen sane .
Polynomial 28
You win this one, feather or not I make puns. So, go cluck yourself. Or, let a chick do it, scratch it off your clucket list, ya know?
PurelyCanadian 18
A farmer already!
AloysiusWeasley 15
Don't get your hopes up for grandkids?
AFaye3964 17
Its okay, my step-son picked up a few words from his daddy. Like **** bit he xan only pronounce it as fook
XKkim_ 16
This will turn into quite the story when hes older and is curious about what his first word was.
Sweet_Visions 13
Hahaha XD
Gibsondude112 6
Let's hope he is not COCKY. Now that he can talk.... Ahh ahhh anyone??? No? Okay
NinjaDitto623 14
This will make a good girlfriend story OP.
martin8337 36
Usually their first words are dada or baba.
GentlemanBastard 15
But since those aren't actual words, he chose ****.
daydreamer244 13
I wonder what he'll be like when he grow up.