Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML
Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML
Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML
Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML
Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML
Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML
Today, my son said his first word. It was the N-word. We are white. I need to have a talk with my husband immediately. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
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Top comments
AustinDenton 22
I wonder where he learned that
Welshite 40
#11: And the classics weren't? Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm syndrome. The Lion King: murder your brother and marry his wife. AKA: Hamlet. The Little Mermaid: mutilating your body and changing to get the man of your dreams. Aladdin: steal stuff. Sleeping Beauty: don't become a seamstress. Also, necrophilia fixes everything. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: because sleeping with seven men is sooo innocent. Alice in Wonderland: this is what being under the influence of drugs looks like, kids. And so on and so forth. Probably why I love the classic Disney films.
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Comments (132)
CurlyQute 17
One of the babies I know their first word was boob-boob
Zebediabolical 45
PLOT TWIST: OP's son just turned 28.
grabpants 7
Sounds like cockmplicated situation
MrBoredomioo 18
Epic pun fail
Polynomial 28
I love puns, and I don't mean to peck on you, but face the truth, that was a fail.
Emmy2086 9
lmaoo I feel you my 2 year old son's father taught him how to say booty so now anytime he sees someone bend over he screams "booty, booty, booty!" I guess kids just can't unlearn shit lol
barneyAU 4
My nephew says **** instead of clock.
vikky538 29
was that word auyo corrected.. he might be saying cook..
PokeZilla 9
How does autocorrect correct a person realistically, physically speaking? And why would it be an FML if he said 'cook' rather than male genitalia (or chicken)?
vikky538 29
auto correct is on the listening end my friend.. how can a baby can say a word so clear that in the world no one can interpret it otherwise...
HammyBear13 8
51, as a parent of a 2year old, I can vouch for the crazy accidental things a toddler says. When a toddler is just learning to speak, he/she has no grasp of phonics or mouth muscle control, therefore forming words is intensely harder for them, and when the child does start speaking real words, they often mispronounce them. So cook or clock can easily be mispronounced into ****.
Drake_The_Dragon 23
Just another word for rooster.
pete9913 23
My daughter's first word was shit. She belted it out from my mom's back seat when she picked us up from the airport, and had to brake hard.
clrichmond2009 24
my son's was and so was mine! the bitch is, explain through your choked back laughter that its bad!
MrConcise 35
He now knows the answer to the following questions/phrases: Where are you from? What's another name for rooster? Get out of the road, ********! The gun won't shoot. Did I forget to do something?
jessil922 2
THAT WAS MY FIRST WORD TOO!!